Another Saturday in the Suburbs
Saturday was fall up here, full-on. The air was crisp and cool, leaves were blowing around, and nighttime brought the smoky smell of fireplaces. I love it; it’s my favorite time of year, by far.
Around 9 am Toney came upstairs and poked my back fat. The younger Secret had a soccer game at 11:30, and she knows I like to eeeeeease into the day. Fifteen minutes later I hoisted myself off the platform (begrudgingly), shuffled to the coffee maker, and grunted “uh huh” to whoever I encountered along the way.
The boys were watching Spongebob in the living room, and I was happy to see it was an older episode, before they ruined it with yelling and nuclear-winter decleverization. I snuggled ‘neath the Scrote-watching blanket, sipped a mug of Eight O’Clock, and enjoyed the show. I still love the early episodes, they’re a work of genius:
Squidward: Do any of you know how to play an instrument?
Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
But when that horrible barnyard show came on, I fled the scene. I mean, seriously. I went into the bunker, dialed up Every Dog Has His Day by Let’s Active on the iPod, and started bouncing around the internet.
Almost immediately my cell phone rang, and it was my brother. We talked for a while, as I continued pouring hot coffee down my gullet. And around 10:45 Toney came into the room and gave me the open-handed WTF?? salute. We have to leave in about twenty minutes, she said, and walked away shaking her head in disgust.
I told my brother I’d better go, and jumped into the shower. I didn’t have time to shave, and don’t get that cool Jack Shepherd/Charlie Salinger stubble look, either. No, I’m more like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. So I was a little irritated that everyone had delayed me, and made me run out of time. Ahem.
I played Tumbleweed Connection by Elton John while we drove to the soccer game, and the Secrets howled in protest. “What’s this crap??” they demanded. Which, of course, is a signal for me to turn up the volume.
We parked, grabbed three camping chairs from the trunk, and walked to Field Four, amongst roughly twenty soccer fields in the middle of a prairie. The previous game was just ending, so we staked out some real estate near what should’ve been the fifty yard line.
It was cold out there, especially when the wind was blowing (which was most of the time). I wished I’d worn a jacket, but refuse to complain about cool temperatures. That’s Toney’s thing, you see. I only complain about hot weather. We have an unwritten agreement.
Moments before the game started some doucheketeer and his wife sat down beside us. He was wearing a tragically-busy retina-destroying college football jacket, jeans that had been pressed (oh, brother), and a pair of slip-on dress shoes. The guy was emitting wave after wave of asshole.
And he never stopped hollering. During the entire game he screamed and ranted in a thick New Jersey accent, and flailed his arms in a perpetual state of exasperation. He was like ESPN radio, come to life. Oh, how I wanted to dump a large bag of dog shit over his head.
The kids in the game itself all had unusual yuppie-fried names. And I was amazed, listening to their parents yell encouragement: “Kick it in, Pencil!” “Pass the ball, Flange!!” “Clitoris was open Starburst, wide open!!!” Or whatever.
One kid, a rosy-cheeked swaddler, was terrified of the ball. Every time it came within ten yards of him, he covered up like we were under nuclear attack. Someone booted it at one point, hit Rosy square in the gut, and the Campbell‘s Soup kid unleashed a piercing tone that probably affected the migration of birds.
We watched as the two teams chased the ball in a great pack for roughly an hour, while Slip-Ons screamed through a crimson mask. Then we all went home.
After lunch, we agreed (back when it was still way off in the future) we’d remove the five(!) window air conditioners, and carry them to the basement. Man, just the thought of it made me sad…
Toney baked two frozen pizzas, and I used a fork to pick black olives off three or four slices, before snorkeling them down. And they were mighty tasty indeed.
The air conditioners sucked, as expected. The big one, from the living room, was full of ice water, and it washed across my genitals when I began carrying it. I shrieked like a school girl, and had to wring-out my shorts and underwear in the bathroom sink. Simply fantastic.
The older Secret went to a high school football game with a friend, and Toney wanted to take the younger youngling to the mall, to buy him some jeans. She asked if I wanted to go along, and I said, “Um, let me think about that – NO!”
So I stayed home, and called The Evil Twin. The Evil Twin’s Wife, of course, is a longtime Surf Reporter, and I know her husband from a previous life. He worked at Budget Tapes and Records, when I first contracted the music disease.
And I was sick alright. I practically lived in that store, and The Evil Twin was my mentor. He seemed to know everything about punk and alternative rock, and also had impeccable taste. Half of the vinyl LPs I own are probably loosely (or not so loosely) Evil Twin influenced.
Now he’s a graphic artist, and has offered to design the next Surf Report t-shirt. And talk about things coming full-circle… I think that’s about as cool as it gets.
So I gave him a call, and we probably hadn’t spoken since 1983 or thereabouts. We talked for more than an hour, and it was a lot of fun. We reminisced about Budget and the people there, and he also told me about his years working at Singing Dog Records in Columbus, Ohio.
It was a good time, and I have a feeling the next shirt is going to be something special, as well… Thanks, man!
After everyone returned home, I asked Toney if she was interested in going for a couple beers before dinner. She thought that was a fine idea, and we considered the yuppie bar, before deciding against it. Late Saturday afternoon at that place, we feared, would be unbearable. So we went to the bar at Bennigan’s and had two pints of Bass Ale each. And they hit the spot.
Toney made shepherd’s pie for dinner (yum), we had a shot of limoncello for dessert, then watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall after the boys went to bed. ‘Neath the Scrote-watchers, because of the sudden onset of fall, beautiful fall…
And that was my Saturday (probably my only day off for a while).
What did you do?
Filed under: Daily
I pissed around too long, didn’t I?
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Good Morning Surf Reporters!!!!!!
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Happy Monday Morning, Surfers!
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raked leaves & tried to clean the house – I resent Fall as its rushes Summer out and I love Summer. But, I have to admit, so far, this Autumn rocks!
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From fall to winter in 3 days, they’re calling for under-30 temperatures here in the surf report metro area.
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I finally turned off my ac and opened up the windows. It’s still in the 80′s during the day here, but the 50′s at night helps even things out. Running 4 ceiling fans at full tilt 24-7 helps.
Looking forward to that low utility bill next month.
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Ah yes, my Saturday(half day) and full on Sunday. Fall has appeared here in Western PA as well. After the work whistle blew at three o’clock, it was off to imbibe at the local watering hole. The wife was working a double, so I was under no time constraints.
After decompressing with several beers and a couple of friends, I made purchase of a case of Harp ale. My brother in law has got me hooked. That stuff is damn tasty. Saturday night was a card game that unfortunately did not go my way. I think I won 3 hands the whole night.
Yesterday was a entire day of doing nothing, and it was everything I dreamed it would be. The wife and I played an evening 9 hole round of golf( 4 over par for me, thanky very much), a massive order of Chinese take out was made and we hunkered down to watch the Steelers vs. Jaguars game.
All in all, not a bad 36 hour weekend.
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I had a 28 year (!) high school reunion Saturday – a casual affair with multiple classes (77-83), I brought the husband and the beast. I’m happy to report I have aged well, as many of my former classmates resembled apple dolls.
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Fall only happened for about 3 days here in the Kanawha Valley. It was in the 80′s over the weekend. Saturday was spent painting rooms in the children’s department at church and then 3 hours of mowing grass and working in the garden.
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Glad you’re back!
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Saturday was spent doing odd jobs around the house and cutting down a dying tree in the yard. Sunday we went for a hike int he woods after it became apparent the Eagles were going to blow an early lead. At least the Steelers won. Inexplicably there was a water treatment plant along the hiking trail, so it was like marching through ass for a while there. And finally we made some apple turnovers to enjoy during the Steelers game. All in all a typical fall weekend.
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Went to the fair, ate fried stuff, watched the other fat peolpe eat fried stuff, yelled at the kids, killed 3 copperhead snakes(backyard, garage & near the basketball goal) Let the kids joyride the riding lawnmower, ate chicken and dumplins went to bed, ah, it’s fall. I am so glad. Leaves are just starting to trickle down, just a few sprinkle the yard, I am still waiting for the mass drop, usually on a windy day. My favorite time of the year.
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Fall has arrived in Central TX…temperature has plummeted into the 80′s. Started the Halloween decorating and made some great risotto on Saturday. Sunday I fired up a great big pot o’ chili and some cornbread…mm-mmm. Tonight…BOURBON
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I just popped in to see what was up with Wednesdays comments and here I find a new update.
I’m going to mark my place here and save the update for the afternoon.
Until then.
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On Saturday I went to the “Heart of Dixie Rugby Tournament” in Huntsville, AL with a friend of mine. If you have the chance to see a rugby game, don’t. The only thing that made it bareable was a hamburger and several beers. Oh, and they do this thing called a “scrum” which is very bizarre and somewhat entertaining.
On Sunday we had a little get together for the Cowboys game. They almost blew it. But we had beer and the girls made some interesting things to eat. One of the things my wife made was “monkey bread” delicious.
Here’s a picture of a “scrum” in case anyone is curious. The ball rolls through the middle of that human tent, and they fight over it.
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~rugby/gallery/RMC%20Scrum3.jpg
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Life is to unpredictable….Early Monday updates, occasional Saturday updates, I think I am going bonkers!
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Chilly weather to report in Whiting.
The sun seems to be setting earlier every day.
Last week I bought an old truck off of e-bay.
It’s a 1950 Ford F-3 pickup.
Since hauling it home, I’ve spent my spare time cleaning it up. Yay!
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My weekend was excellent! Worked my 5 hours Saturday, took the urchin to the dog park. Came home and started drinking. Went to the liqour store and got a 6 pack of New Holland Pumpkin Ale and a 6 of Erdinger. Busted out the bottle of Celtic Crossing as well. Watched one of my residents get arrested for assualting a police officer/resiting arrest. Threw some bags and drank some more.
Got up Sunday, took the urchin to the dog park, gave her a pig ear, and headed to my local watering hole. Sat outside enjoying the last of the 70 degree days, drank beer and watched the Bears kick ass. Got home and took a nap with the urchin! Great weekend!
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Mrs. Wally – has your dog ever dropped a pig ear into his/her water bowl? they reconstitute. It’s disgusting. The beast promised never to do that again and then did it anyway. He doesn’t get pig ears anymore. Blech.
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Saturday: Mounties, Wolverines, and Buckeyes.
Sunday: Nascar and Bacardi Limon. Lots of it.
A good time was had by all.
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I cut the grass, made a Union civil war kepi, took a nap then watched football.
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Spent the night at an Inn on the Allegheny River Friday with the Mrs. Saturday went to an apple festival in Franklin Pa. stopped at a brew house in Slippery Rock on the way home for a sampler and some Cajin shrimp. Sunday new breaks on the quad ,shot a squirrel and ate it with acorn squash.yummy.. Then STEELER FOOTBALL!!
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So what did you think of Forgetting Sarah Marshall Jeff? I love the scene where it shows him in his sweats for a week, and at the end of the week it he’s doing the Gandolph impersonation. Fuckin classic.
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Oh geez SOS.. do people still eat squirrel??? Seriously?! God, my Dad loved it… couple times a year he’d bring some home and make my mom fry it up. It was a dark, dark day… No amount of ketchup can make that crap edible. Fortunately, it was usually followed by a Mom sneaking us kids a pb&j.
Hm.. the weekend…
We did put up a new loft bed for our daughter. As always, thrilling to get my man and tools together. Much swearing ensued… But by golly we got it done.. and it looks fabulous.
Other than that, little bit of football. Unfortunately, we’re Chiefs fans so we couldn’t even watch the game in its entirety. It was just too depressing. We had to break out the Absolut just to make it to half time.
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Fall is here in Southern Ontario, in fact I think we had a mild frost on Saturday morning and I actually had to wear a jacket. I spent the morning in bed, because I could, and in the afternoon I took my son for a hike in a local conservation area.
We are supposed to warm up to the mid 20′s this week (that’s the mid 70′s to most of you), so apparently fall will be in full retreat, at least for a week or so.
FYI Jeff, I’m going to be in Ottawa next weekend, so if you need any shenanigans perpetrated on certain relatives while you have an air-tight alibi, just let me know
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Saturday I got out of bed before noon, got some breakfast, showered, hit the gym, then spent the rest of the day on the sundeck getting drunk. Went back to the apartment to cook up some burgers and home-made fries, and continued drinking.
Sunday I spent the whole day sober. Went through all of the paperwork I have stacked up for the last three years. Reloaded my PC’s display drivers and video software, as the “new” versions had a meltdown. Yawn….
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I am glad that you are enjoying the fall weather. In my neck of the woods (Central Texas) there is no visible indication of fall’s approach. The one tree in town might drop a few leaves, but that is it.
I spent Saturday in various airport. But I had my laptop and several DVDs, so it wasn’t unpleasant, thankfully.
I find the pressed jeans people rate almost as high on the asshole meter as the socks with sandals people. Almost.
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Sat: journeyed to Keyser WV to see my 94 year old aunt. For the last time, no doubt, since she is going back to Seattle to live with her daughter. The fall color is gorgeous up in the mountains.
Sun: Worked – overtime – inch and a half. I’ll take it. Homemade steak fajitas for supper, then scotch and Steeler football!!!.
Today’s quote: “Gentleman (n) – a man who can play the banjo, but chooses not to.” (unknown)
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Saturday – went to the grocery store. Attempted mild housekeeping.
Sunday – logged lots of hammock time and did 2 loads of laundry. It was gorgeous here yesterday.
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Saturday. My wife wanted to check out the Art Fair that was going on downtown so we went there early. As in “Are we the only people here?” only. It was a little weak, even as Art Fairs go. We were done in about 20 minutes. After that we took The Peanut to a parent and tot swim class. I get in the water while my wife watches. I’m more at home in the water than on land while she just manages to to suppress her anxiety enough to not call it a phobia. We figure if I go in and she stays out The Peanut will get the relaxed-content-confident vibe from me and not pick up on her mother’s anxiety. Anyway, it was a great class and we had a blast. Then home and chores and I made a pizza for dinner that was most excellent.
Sunday I was supposed to go to my mother-in-laws house to finish rebuilding her front steps. She called at 8 to tell us that her power was messed up and the power company told her not to plug anything in. So I took The Peanut to Lowes for a new furnace filter and then we headed to the grocery store by way of Party City. The placed was packed to the rafters with all kinds of too gory for TV masks and butchered skulls and giant spiders. The Peanut took it all in stride and was totally unimpressed. We bought 5 whoopee cushions to put on the couch to hopefully scare the dog when we’re not at home she got a slide whistle. While we were checking out I got the call that Mom had her power fixed and I could go over. So I got there about 3 hours later than planned, made a list, went to Lowes for my final supplies and got the porch done.
Then home, TV and rest. Now I’m at work and could really use a nap.
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And before I forget. there ought to be a rule of thumb about guys in pressed jeans and loafers. I avoid those guys just as much as I would hippies and politicians.
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Pressed jeans.
I don’t even know where my iron is.
I don’t even know if I own an iron.
These guys probably get them done at the dry cleaners, anyway.
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Friday night I had a gig at the bar across the street, it was a 3 band show so I had lots of time for relaxing too. After the show had a select group over to the house for one last drink , some BC bud and a bit of acoustic jamming. Saturday slept late, headed downtown for our weekly Rockabilly/Honky-Tonk open mike/jam thing got up and sang a couple of times with the house band, loads of fun and adult beverages with friends. Home early and a lazy evening. Sunday got up and cleaned house for about 4 hours, made chicken and dumplings, had singing partner over for dinner then we rehearsed and wandered about a block down the street where we were the feature act at a little French Bistro/ spoken word venue (we sang our words). Great crowd and sold some cd’s too.
Home by 10:30 and to bed. Great weekend all in all!
Any weekend filled with music is as good as it gets!
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Knucklehead,
She hasn’t. Her routine is to snatch it out of my hand and run for cover out of fear it will ripped from her muzzle. I can envision the reconstitution and if she ever does drop it in her water bowl, she would never get another one either!
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Got up — put on my pressed jeans and sox with sandals. That was pretty much it — besides spreading sunshine…
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Watched Virginia Tech kick some Western Kentucky ass(that’s my nephew on the feature photo this week`; http://www.hokiesports.com/football/), then drove 30 miles to get some of the best barbecue ribs and chicken in Johnston County. Vegged out all day sunday, took the dog to the dog park and then went out to get some hot wings and Buffalo Wild Wings.
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I shit water the entire weekend.
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Congrats to Virginia Tech and your nephew, Shiny Rod. I love Buffalo Wild Wings’ garlic wings (with apologies to the garlic-hatin’ Jeff). I’d love to go hotter but I have an old man’s esophagus. ;o)
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I ddi medium since this was the first go and I will be taking it up a couple notches. I didn’t even get a tingle and on top of that, the dueche bag teenagers were so busy yaking like school girls that they let my wing sit for 15 minutes at the counter. I will see if they make it through the week since I made a friendly call to the GM about the lack of promptness in his staff. I also mention about other staff just standing around aimlessly and the duty manager not cracking the whip. These are teenagers dammit, put there collective unbusy asses to work cleaning something. Whew, glad I got that rant out. Thanks Gretchen.
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Dang wingnuts.
P
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Removed the air conditioners!!!??? It was a balmy 84 on Kauai. Wife and I spent our 6 year anniversary on Kauai this weekend…went ziplining, jungle trekking, snorkeling and eating some awesome vegetarian food.
See some footage here: http://www.vimeo.com/user802570
‘Twas a great weekend!
Scott
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Weekend in one word: duvet.
God those things are awesome. Why’d I wait so long to get one? Temps in the 50s at night plusa new feathery coverlet = the best sleep I’ve had in a long long time.
Oh yeah – the was other shopping and climbing around on the roof of the house and some cooking nad drankin’ (of course), but otherwise it was all about the awesome new duvet and how many naps one person can reasonably take in a 48-hour period.
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“cooking nad drankin’ ”
Ew.
Y’all know what I’m talking about.
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Saturday was lackluster (PSU kicked some Purdue butt), but Yesterday Rocked! ‘cept the pathetic iggles losing. At least the Phils won! I was at the local watering hole on my bike and, I think I met a friend in one of the waitresses. I ended up giving her my eagles jersey before I left! She immediately put it on. Cool! I may be here a little less.
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You’re giving up on the Eagles too, mudpup? Dang it, everyone is jumping ship! My dad refuses to watch them anymore. Good luck with your waitress friend. Was it a T.O. jersey at least?
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dear god that’s why i don’t pressure my kids to get into sports. well, that and the fact they aren’t sure that’s the way they want to go.
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lol @ the word Swaddler
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Jeff-
Singing Dog Records is still in Columbus (on the Ohio State University campus). They have a website:
http://www.singingdogrecords.com/
There is some cool stuff available to buy on the website.
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You should have started bourbon season.
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men in ironed jeans and loafers usually have a bad case of buck knuckle going on!
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Almost forgot – I’d be all over a new Surf Report T-shirt like vomit on a barn floor. Please do go ahead with it.
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The post that was supposed to have gone before…
We spent the weekend in Gettysburg at my GF’s sister’s wedding. They did the whole Civil War thing, with the couple dressed as a Union Lieutenant Colonel and a Victorian lady. Very nice. Between the two of us we took 176 pictures, of which a sampling is posted at
http://thingsido.typepad.com/spinweaveknitandcake/2008/10/no-subtle-hints-are-ever-thrown-at-a-weddinglikewise-bouquets-and-garters.html
I won’t re-type my rant about the beer.
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Here in South Central Texas (San Antonio), you usually see fellows with nicely pressed jeans all duded up complete with a fancy rodeo shirt, a cowboy hat and their best shined boots. Course, I’m not talking about a night on the town at a country and western bar or even a special event along the River Walk following a fabulous kids soccer game; I’m talking about a visit to the Flea Market.
I know this sounds bad, but when I see someone dressed like that, I just have this urge to yell, “La Migra, La Migra!”
In fairness though, none of our fancy Flea Market shoppers would be wearing the slip on dress shoes.
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I think I talked to THE NANCY over the weekend while placing a phone order for a Godiva customer. If it wasn’t her, don’t tell me. I want to believe it was her.
“Nancy” recently moved to Canada “from the States” so I had to update her address. She was purchasing for an aunt’s birthday.
When asked when she wanted it to arrive, she went into a big diatribe about some American Holiday that was coming up this week that would surely effect (affect?) the timeliness of her delivery. The hell?
It HAD to be THE NANCY.
Looking forward to the new WVSR logo shirts.
Loved the background story on you and EVIL TWIN.
My daughter is playing volleyball for the first time this year and she is doing really well.
I am calling the game from the sidelines like Madden.
My newest Madden-ism:
“If you had to duck, that ball was yours!”
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Gretchen * Thanks, NFW a TO jersey I wouldnt have paid a plug nickel for that, it was actually M. Lewis also not on the team anymore.
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because of various halfassery in my life, i didn’t get to check on last week’s updates until now. i read with interest about your co-worker who has various ring tones for different callers. my secret has such a set up on his phone, and whenever i call him it plays “darth vader’s theme,” from star wars—because everyone in my family calls me darth for short. hee hee hee!! causes great amusement at his workplace.
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mudpup: Yeah, T.O. jerseys should all be burned to a crisp. The only good thing about him is that now he’s with the hated Cowboys, wrecking their team. HA! I have a Dawkins jersey, my brother has a Westbrook. And I guess now that Westbrook has broken ribs we should get comfortable at the bottom of the division. Siiiigh.
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La Migra! La Migra! ooops, just drove by the flea market and my fingers slipped on my Blackberry.
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