An Update That’s Somehow All About Meat
While at work last night I was hit with a very specific craving: hot dogs with mustard and sauerkraut. I even imagined them with steamed buns, like they used to serve at the Dunbar Dairy Queen back when dinosaurs roamed the Earf. And cravings aren’t usually that clear-cut. Ya know?
Maybe it was because I wrote about fair food in yesterday’s update, I don’t know. But the hankerin’ was so powerful I seriously considered stopping at Sheetz (where “the kitchen is always open”) on my way home, and ordering exactly what was dancing in my head.
But I decided to deny the craving, and just have a bowl of Rice Krispies in the bunker, instead. I mean, Sheetz serves-up pretty good food for a convenience store, but they’re not known for their speediness. And I didn’t care for the idea of standing around in the middle of the night as some questionable character in plastic gloves breathed heavily through his nose holes across my wieners.
Then I thought I could stop at the 24-hour grocery store near our house, and buy a package of hot dogs, some buns, and a jar of sauerkraut. But I figured that would cost me upwards of ten bucks (I have to have all-beef weenies), and that was a bit pricey for a craving. So, I just went home.
And my very first thought when I woke up this morning? Man, I really want some hot dogs with mustard and sauerkraut. I think this happened even before I started the frantic calculating of days until the weekend. And that’s saying something.
What the hell’s going on?! I think I’m going to have to deal with this thing, I really do. It’s starting to take over my life. Even now I’m sitting here wanting, really wanting, two or three hot dogs with very specific toppings and bun texture.
Will somebody please hold me?
And speaking of “quality” all-beef wieners, we recently stumbled upon a hamburger truth that shocked me. At first, anyway.
A few weeks ago Toney made a mistake while buying burger for one of our deck feasts, and bought ground beef with an 80/20 meat to fat ratio. We were in the habit of buying the kind with very little fat, because we assumed it was better.
But we were wrong, so very wrong. Ever since we switched to 80/20, our grilled burgers have been a thousand times tastier. Sweet Maria. It makes a huge difference, and I should’ve known: fat is where it’s at.
I highly recommend it, if you’ve been making the same mistake we were. Our burgers now taste like the really good ones from my childhood. And I was starting to think they were a personal myth: hamburgers that were hyper-exaggerated to legendary status through the years. But they’re real, and now they’re back!
And I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I didn’t plan for this one to be so… focused. Somehow the whole update is about meat, kinda sorta.
Anyway, yesterday I overheard a woman tell someone she only eats meat from animals that have been “killed by a single blow.” Have you ever heard that one? I find it to be fairly bizarre.
Yeah, I know what she meant. She meant cruelty-free, and free-range, and all that stuff. But it’s not how she described it. She said “killed by a single blow.”
I like the idea of all our meat coming from happy, smiling cows, and chickens that have led a fulfilling life. I like animals (probably better than most people) and don’t want to think about them suffering so that I might have a quick lunch at Wendy’s. So, I’m not really making fun of the woman. I’m sure her heart is in the right place.
But I’d like for us to come up with some additional requirements for our food, designed to impress our friends and co-workers, as well as ensure that the source had a nice life before we got there and, you know, ate the absolute shit out of it.
In the comments section, please complete the sentence “I’ll only eat…” I came up with a few while in the shower. That’s right, they were written while naked. What of it?
- Chickens that were tickled to death.
- Beef slaughtered behind a beaded curtain.
- Beef from cows that have never been exposed to financial stress.
- Tomatoes that were hammock-grown.
And you guys can take it from there, if you’d like. Or you can come up with your own topics. There are no rules… this is the West Virginia Surf Report.
I’ll be back tomorrow.
See ya then.
Filed under: Daily
Oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
[Reply]
Deuce
[Reply]
Hot dogs with mustard and sauerkraut. For breakfast.
Only one conclusion – you are pregnant.
[Reply]
Casey J Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
the only thing that would make that better is to slap some chili on there, maybe some cheese.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 12:02 am
Jeff ,
Christ have you turned Yankee on us ? What’s up with the sauerkraut n mustard , THIS coming from a WV boy. I remember many a evening at Dunbar Dairy Queen but all I remember is chili n slaw !!! I do like kraut n weenies but not on a bun . Ah Sheetz wish we had one in Charletson , sheetz rocks !
[Reply]
WB in OH Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 8:07 am
I thought West Virginia was all Yankees? That was the reason you split from Viginia during the Civil War or so Grandpa told me…in a bar.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Nope , most people from Kanawha County and below consider themselves southern. Historically 32,000 troops were Union and 16,000 to 20,000 Confederate. But I was not really referring to which side of the war we were on. I just meant Yankee as in NORTHERNER . I can’t speak for the entire state but in this part of the state you would be hard pressed to find a sauerkraut n mustard hot dog.. It’s Hillbilly Hotdog all the way , chili n slaw . Sonic sells the coney (another yankee dog I am sure you are familiar with) and I am guessing it’s not their hottest item.
I realize Jeff now lives in a Yankee state and thus has embraced their hotdog culture (TRAITOR) (oops did I type that out loud) and I am happy to see him expand his horizons.(Benedict Arnold) (oops there I go again) .
Jeff ,
When you come for your next visit meet as at the Dunbar Bowling Alley. A small lynch mob will be waiting for you where we will escort you to the plaza by the library, tie you up and pelt you with Bowling Alley Chili n slaw dogs !
WB in OhHIGHoh,
Thanks for the history lesson. I slept through most of my history classes .
[Reply]
… if it has a face and died a bloody painful horrible death… am I getting too predicable?
[Reply]
Jersey Scott Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I knew a girl who was a vegetarian and she walked the old ” I don’t eat anything that has a face ” line and I just extrapolated that and figured ” … so you won’t eat a watch ? ” Then I confused myself with her little rule and figured that vegatarian policy is not to eat anything that has hands … no, nothing that can tell time !
[Reply]
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters………..
I’ll only eat fruits and vegetables that were hand picked by migrant workers who are in this country illegally.
[Reply]
I want hot dogs and mustard now. Please.
Jeff, the lady may have meant that, if multiple “hits” the meat tends to toughen. And how the hell do I know this? We do a lot of work with hunters. If the kill isn’t swft and clean, the muscles tend to spaz causing the meat to become very tough.
I’ll only eat… pigs that go to upscale manicurists.
[Reply]
..pigs that had their balls tickled just before the death blow…
[Reply]
…zucchini that hasn’t been used in a porno…
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 12:05 am
it’s late you probably won’t read this but that was hilarious ! …reminds me of “the cucumber incident” …if you have not seen it …you should watch it . It’s crazy. True story . Believe in happened in ohHIGHoh
[Reply]
I’ll only eat pre-cuddled chickens.
[Reply]
zucchini porn WTF? who gets a hardon watching zucchini?
[Reply]
predicable? wtf does THAT mean? I can be dicked before I’m ready? hmmm.
Pat, I’d like a T?
One of them, Vanna?
predictable.
[Reply]
Must be the cheese fuckers in this world huh?
[Reply]
Chops that only come from pigs who were surrounded by supportive adults and who got plenty of trophies in their piglet-hood.
[Reply]
..that has never stood up.
[Reply]
What meat eater doesn’t eat meat killed with a single blow? Maybe a hunter who just misses his target and has to fire a second shot, but that’s all I could think of. I don’t think MegaBigMeat Incorporated is in the practice of brutal death bludgeoning to get their mechanically separated “Food Product” onto market shelves.
Dibs on “Brutal Death Bludgeoning” as a band name.
[Reply]
icecycle66 Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Dibs on “MegaBigMeat” as a porn name.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat a chicken that was an honor student at Farm Fresh Elementary.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat a woman with Daddy Issues.
[Reply]
I will only eat volunteer pork.
I will only eat cod that has been hand salted by Malaysian children.
I will only eat bananas that have first been used as condom application practice devices by highschoolers.
I will only eat eggplant that exists after I cease to.
I will only eat oats that are as smart as wheat.
I will only eat brownies that are baked by hippies.
I will only eat beef if it is cut against the grain.
I will only eat meat if it is carbon free.
I will only eat anti-anti-rabbit fencing farm lettuce.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 12:09 am
those are all great !
[Reply]
I will only eat beef from bulls who have been castrated, also known as steers.
[Reply]
I’ve had a lifelong policy of only eating hooved animals that were registered Democrats or who voted for Nixon but regret it.
jtb
[Reply]
I only eat lettuce that’s been serenaded by Harry Connick Jr.
[Reply]
I will only eat gluten free whole hull imitation soy almond extract non-dairy gelatin based organic free fiber cane broth chipped beef.
I will only eat cat-free General Tso’s chicken.
[Reply]
I will only eat mutton that has never been “boned”
[Reply]
WB in OH Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
So you like “bone-in” mutton.
[Reply]
I’m a Level 5 vegan… I will eat nothing that casts a shadow.
I stole that from The Simpsons.
A guy I used to work with, a Greek whose parents own a NJ diner, said that it’s the fat gives the burger its flavor. 80/20 is the optimal ratio.
[Reply]
I will only eat veal that suffers from self doubt.
[Reply]
Oh wait… we weren’t being serious?
[Reply]
…an animal that has been personally slaughtered by Steve Segal, Lawman….
[Reply]
…….. only eat venison that has met it’s demise by vehicle. (roadkill).
[Reply]
Jeff, would you say you are longing for all beef weenies?
Or, have a hankering perhaps?
Do you desire it, with a desire from deep within your bowels?
Or is it a mere predilection?
It could be a more serious craving;… or a simple eagerness. An eagerness to have the taste of all beef weenies dancing about your tongue and mouth and gliding down your throat on that simple natural lubricant that is crushed mustard seed sauce. All the while, simple tangy sauerkraut tickles the edges of your lips and the tip of your tongue while you try your best to create a satisfying and imperviously tight seal around the warm soft buns, so that none of the wonderful all beef weenie juices or seed sauce escape down your chin and over neck onto the shirt that you will have to wear to your work and your home.
[Reply]
bikerchick Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Umm….where’s that zucchini? What?!?
[Reply]
I will only eat meat that has been worn by a celebrity (but not Gilbert Gottfried) at an awards show of some kind.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat:
Cucumbers from plants whose leaves have been washed daily in lavender soap, harvested by midget peasant farmers from Bhutan.
[Reply]
Jeff came up with “Beef slaughtered behind a beaded curtain” while in the shower. Does anyone else find that to be a little alarming?
[Reply]
I will only snort blow.
[Reply]
36 comments already! You guys are quick. I thought I had SMS updates but I guess not.
[Reply]
I think every vegetable or fruit has been used in a porn somewhere…
My favorite dish is hot dogs or uh, weiners, smothered in cheese and baked beans.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat chicken that’s been home-schooled.
I’ll only eat beef from cows that have been felled by a single blow from a phone thrown by Naomi Campbell.
I’ll only eat lobstah born and raised in recyclable kiddie pools filled with Perrier (and a dash of vodka around Christmas).
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 12:12 am
clever !
[Reply]
Brit, I was still commenting on the last post when I saw the Swami’s ONNEEEE………quick but just not quick on the uptake
….fish that isn’t late….
….fruits that have more than one vowel but less that 7 distinct consonants in there name…
….pish…. pork that tastes like pish….
….
[Reply]
…and a busch light.
[Reply]
….veal that has been verbally abused by Mel Gibson…
[Reply]
pork that tastes like FISH ….
did I mention I hate the reply feature
[Reply]
WB in OH Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
You mean this one?
I only eat pork that had it’s testicles cut out at six weeks.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat beef from cattle who had a living will and had signed a DNR.
jtb
[Reply]
I’ll only eat chicken that has been tenderized from the inside.
[Reply]
Dammit, Gretchen, it’s not my fault. “home-schooled” gives me a laughing aneurysm every time I read it.
[Reply]
Gretchen Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Just don’t throw your back out. You just had that thing fixed! Again!
[Reply]
I will only eat beef that has been interrupted by Kanye West.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat olive oil pressed by virgins.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat spaghetti that has been baptised and hammered
[Reply]
I’ll only eat people if it is produced and distributed by the Soylent company.
[Reply]
ADubb Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 5:03 pm
“Soylent Green is people!!”
[Reply]
I will eat no seafood that could have theoretically learned to sing along to “Money Changes Everything”.
[Reply]
Jeff,
I hope you have an alibi:
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2010/09/28/Little-Debbie-truck-stolen-abandoned/UPI-58701285694183/
[Reply]
Uncle_Wedgie Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
I hate the reply feature.
[Reply]
I only eat turkeys who were given an official Darth Maul double ended light saber and a fighting chance.
[Reply]
…I will drink no wine before it’s time….
…I will only eat kosher bacon…
…I will only eat chutney made from Mangoes…. (why is there never another kind? why always Mango??)
…I will eat only crop foods grown in my time zone….
…I will eat only wheat toast… because bread not made from wheat has to be just weird….
.. I will eat my words but only the ones in the anterior, subjective, past participle form…
…I will eat Mike Tyson’s children’s hearts…
…I will only eat Asian food but not Chinese food…
…I will eat Angelina Jolie’s thong..
What’s the difference between Rosie O’Donnell and a bowling ball. If I had to and tried really fucking hard I could eat that fucking bowling ball damnit…
[Reply]
Smells like fish…
Tastes like chicken…
Oops, wrong blog.
[Reply]
….I will eat head cheese but will not eat a cheese head (z’up Wisconsin???)…
….I will eat green eggs as long as there is ham to go with it….
….I will eat fox from Alaska only if Sara Palin has shot it from a helicopter
….I will eat anything as long as I’m being serenaded by Bjork or Yoko Ono….
…I will eat mushrooms as long as there is no fungus on them….
…I will eat seedless fruit but I won’t eat sperm-less mammals….
[Reply]
I will eat no member of the Animal kingdom which, at time of slaughter, was older than Dick Clark.
[Reply]
I will eat no animal whose species sided with Hitler. That would just be wrong.
[Reply]
julsie Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 10:16 am
I’ll only eat animals whose species sided with Hitler. Those suckers deserve to get slaughtered.
[Reply]
I only eat food that can fight back! Like hand-harvested silver back gorilla balls.
[Reply]
…I will eat anything Chuck Norris tells me to…
…I won’t eat anything Chuck Norris hunts because he does not hunt, he kills.
…I drink the blood of young runaways but not if they smoke,,, that shit just tastes nasty…
…I eat….BRAINS…..BRAINS………EAT BRAINS……EAT BRAINS….
…I drink YOUR MILKSHAKE (5 internet points if you name the movie)
…. I’d suck your blood like a vampire but apparently that’s just gay now… not that there’s anything wrong with being gay…I just don’t like that hairless, scrawny, sparkly, puffed up lip look….I like my gays to be big hairy bears… with a slightly menacing look…..Homer likes his gays flaming – FA-LAMING….
[Reply]
JCIII Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I could use 5 points…
“There Will Be Blood”
[Reply]
I will eat no food of any kind recommended by a member of the OJ jury.
[Reply]
I will eat no animal who helped spread a rumor that the Beatles were getting back together. (I’m trying to lose 50 pounds)
[Reply]
…I will not eat any animal that uses the “reply” feature – I’m looking at you Mr Badger and Mrs Turtle…
…I will eat no animal that bears the mark of the beast….
…I will eat peas but not if you’re looking at me when I do so….
…. all my food must be the same height on the plate…
… I will only eat from oblong platters….stainless steel platters….it’s a Bonanza Restaurant thing
….I like to eat tuna while making dolphin sounds to mock the dolphin safe tuna…
[Reply]
…I like milk but only if directly from the udder….
…I eat frozen dinners….frozen…..
… if my cranberry juice is sloshed, I must pour it out as well as the remaining amount in the bottle…. cranberries stick together and empathetically will take on a bruised flavor in both the glass and the remaining amount in the bottle…
…I’ll eat banananananas but only like corn on the cob in case any homies in the joint get any ideas about me the new fish…
….I like to berate the turkey and tell it how dirty it is…. dirty dirty birdie…
[Reply]
I will eat no animal Eddie Fisher was married to.
[Reply]
Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:
September 28th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
LHR “likes” this
[Reply]
I know clowns are safe at the circus because the lion’s won’t eat them. Apparently they taste funny
[Reply]
‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘
OK, there are apostrophes for my last 13 plural words. I like hot too much to get on his ass, so I’m going to join him.
jtb
[Reply]
I eat beaver….it’s delicious….especially the tail.. We could all use a little more tail in our diets.
I eat donuts but not if they have a hole in them.
For me to enjoy a Subway sub, I need the throwback trough cut, not the lateral hing cut.
There’s a recipe called spotted dick. I don’t like spotted dick. I like striped dick. I like dick. OK? I said it. I like dick….but it has to be striped
he he I said dick
I enjoy a big helping of blood pudding… when the blood’s all coagulated nice and tightly…. just like a thick heavy paste… you know, just like mom used to make
[Reply]
Taiwan On Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 11:48 am
A flute with no holes is not a flute
A donut with no hole is a danish
[Reply]
I only eat animals that have never voted for Nader.
I only eat animals that know pi to 6 digits.
[Reply]
my bad – lion’s s/b lions… there, that’s better…don’t be an enabler JTB….one must strive to use the English language like a tool, not like some drunken coworker from the office Christmas party to satisfy mutual lust … we must use grace, charm and class to make love to the language ,,,,not dry hump it to get off by using excess apostrophes.. that just lazy on my part…
and I’m sure the lions didn’t appreciate being part of a grammatical cluster fuck like that, being the noble beasts they are
[Reply]
OK, There are too many spelling and grammar errors to count. in that last post of mine.
I should have stuck with “I apologize for nothing”.
[Reply]
I will only eat mediocre peas, not fancy peas.
[Reply]
Did someone say cheese?
[Reply]
…I only eat Freedom Cut Beans….
…I prefer Peanut Margarine over Peanut Butter…
…has anyone besides Kramer ever said Pizza Pie?,,,,,
…Baked Alaska is good and better for you than Deep Fried Alaska …. you betcha
…I’ll eat veal but only the orphans….
…Spaghettini has just too many letters in it – it tries too hard to impress – pretentious fuck….
… Not Oprah, when you were in B.C. could you get Nanaimo bars?
… I prefer salted butter…. I also like my butter with nicotine and lead in it
[Reply]
clintcurtis Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 4:49 am
Nanaimo Bars!!!! Wow, I haven’t had one of those since I used to work on the Washington State Ferry run from Anacortes to Sidney!
Baked Alaska versus fried Alaska? Hey, I just like plain ol’ Alaska. $1250 this year on the PFD…yet some people are already bitching. Go figure.
[Reply]
I will only eat animals that a had a rich satisfying sex life.
[Reply]
Hot Fuzz: Bread without wheat is like milk without tits.
And the corn on the cob banana thing had everyone sitting around me asking “What’s so funny?”. But i didn’t tell them, fuck them, you’re all mine.
[Reply]
LOL Iceman – glad I could return the favor.
[Reply]
I’ll only eat roadkill slaughtered by a runaway Segway
[Reply]
JCIII – Bingo! Yathzee! Tell him what he’s won Jim! Gooooaaaaalllllll. Circle gets the square!
Wait… oh I’m sorry. The judges tell me you used the reply feature. I’m so sorry but your internet points have been revoked. But we have lovely parting gifts for you. Oh wait… nope they took those too. Wow, those judges really hate that reply feature.
I’m so sorry JCIII – please do play again.
[Reply]
I only eat things that I’ve killed from my flying combat boat.
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/28/iran-unveils-squadrons-of-flying-boats/?iref=NS1
[Reply]
I will only eat weiners that I can heavily blow in a single sitting..
i need to go take a cold shower.. again
[Reply]
I will only eat…
Mice durning mouse season
Cherry flavored panties. Ok…grape too. And strawberry. Pineapple is not all that bad come to think of it.
[Reply]
Go Reds! National League Central Champs!
[Reply]
…I’ll eat liver but only with Fava beans and a lovely Chianti….
…I’d eat the ass out of a skunk if it meant I didn’t have to do this massive spreadsheet once per month…oh wait… this is my last month doing it… what the hell, I bet skunk is quite tasty…. nice and spicy.
… when I was little I would only eat Lipton’s brand of chicken noodle soup and I made little sandwiches out of the crackers (I think that’s a repeat)
… the female schnauzer has been licking her girlie parts and her ass tonight – it must be bath night…and she just wandered over to me and licked my hand… am I a little repulsed?… yup….am I trying not to think about it? ….yup…have I just spent the last 30 seconds contaminating my keyboard? …. yup
[Reply]
standing around in the middle of the night as some questionable character in plastic gloves breathed heavily through his nose holes across my wieners….WOW!
[Reply]
… I will eat dolphin but only tuna-safe dolphin..
… I love placenta but it has to be fresh not frozen
… I have never had a pb&j – I just can’t see how strawberry and peanut butter would taste good together
… I love to watch ladies eat yogurt using a banana
… I’ll eat macaroni and beef but it has to come from Ryan’s
… I threw out some butter milk on the weekend that was dated at the end of August…. I won’t drink my butter milk unless it’s turned in to butter
[Reply]
I will only eat meat from animals who have a crystal on their hoof, and when it turns red, they voluntarily go on Carousel. (Logan’s Run reference, for the uninitiated, lol!)
All beef weinies? Yeah, I tried that at my house a couple weeks ago, hoping to provide my family with a tastier treat than the usual chicken/turkey/pork/racoon things we usually buy. My 11 year old daughter took a bite of the 100% beef frank and sniffed, “These are gross!. Why didn’t you buy the “good” kind we usually have?” Ahhh, kids…You can’t live with ‘em, and my auto insurance won’t cover me if I strap them in the car and let it roll into the lake.
[Reply]
Ithaca…
Never surpassed the chicken. I fired about 20 rounds and, I think, got within pissing distance on a couple but, in point of fact, never came dangerously close.
I never think of these things as contests. They are clearly collaborations, and for me that makes them joyful. I love writing, a sentence at a time, and love reading clever writing. But if my writing and my writing mind don’t sharpen by a fraction of a percent, I’m disappointed in the day. I’m happy today, because it was a good test and I felt OK about it.
So, nice job. I’ll meet you next time on the field of collaboration and look forward to the challenge.
jtb
[Reply]
“We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.”
Nice, Clint. Your comment was about half way between Garrison Keillor and John Cage. A nice place to parallel park if you have the chops. Clearly, you do.
jtb
[Reply]
JTB, I usually get all of your references but Ithaca has me stumped. I know the worst thing to have to do is explain a joke but I’m curious… The Google didn’t give me enough clues either… help? BTW your depth of knowledge reminds me of Dennis Miller – meant purely as a compliment.
Garrison Keillor…Radio theatre…I sure hope it never dies… it’s pretty much non existent up here except for maybe a guy on CBC who does a show called the Vinyl Cafe – Stewart Maclean. Actually some of the folks may like the concept – his main character runs a record store that actually sells records. Old time vinyl and everything!!!.
[Reply]
Until the Red’s win the World Series, I will only eat JTM 32′s. How do you 32?
Brruuuucce!!!
[Reply]
hot, my dude…
You don’t have to explain who Stewart Mclean is to listeners of National Public Radio. He’s coming to Seattle in another month, and I’m consulting my doctor about possibly letting me go. Stewart is a terrific storyteller; he might well have surpassed Mr. Keillor as Garrison winds down a little. I catch his show every chance I get. A warm, charming, funny man.
You didn’t ask about John Cage, so I assume you got that I was complimenting Clint on his zen-like surreal humor.
And you busted me…caught me red-handed. Ithaca wasn’t an interpretable reference unless you’ve read and retained all the comments on the page for the past six months or so.
The comment was coded to Gretchen, who spent a week in Ithaca visiting relatives a few months ago. She thinks I compliment her writing too much while not noticing other Reporters’ cleverness. I have an agreement with her, negotiated for all to see, that I will rarely openly note her terrific facility with the language. It embarrasses her; so when I feel strongly about her clever turn of a phrase I try to acknowledge it under the radar. I respect her wishes.
I think Chuck, and to only a slightly lesser degree, WB, is/are on fire lately, and I have noted half a dozen times that they are becoming the Jack Bennys, or, perhaps, the Bob and Rays of this site. I assume Reporters understand I say these things because I believe them to be true, and not because I’m highly sweet on Chuck and WB. I think they’re both too tall for me.
You are always welcome to ask about my comments. Sometimes I confuse even myself. And I really don’t mind being busted from time to time.
best witches (Halloween approaches)
jtb
[Reply]
Well thanks for finally letting me in on the code, JTB! I had no idea. I think I like it, though. It’s all “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot”. Coooool. Glad you didn’t go with “Boner”. For clarification, though, we were in Ithaca for a library conference, not to see relatives. Exciting stuff, I know.
[Reply]
Did they perform any of those book cart ballets? I know those are frequently the highlight of library conferences. Those cats know how to liven up a town.
jtb
[Reply]
And I’m sorry the code was busted. I had just hired a Bulgarian woman to repeat in a low, modulated voice on 1003.345 megahertz, “tango, tango, foxtrot”, “tango, tango, foxtrot”, “romeo, hotel, november”.
[Reply]
I don’t know what they did as it was attended solely by my husband. I was out and about observing the hippie wildlife. I understand there was a small kerfuffle over the refusal of one speaker to use Power Point. That might have resulted in books thrown like ninja stars and some serious paper cuts. If so, I was not privy to it.
Until next time, “Ithaca, Rumba, Boner”.
[Reply]
Possum – The ‘other’, other, white meat. The good thing about baked possum? It’s just as good warmed over the next day! Oh and it has to be killed with a single blow from a car tire.
[Reply]
I only eat Aunt Gertrudes Inflatable Meatloaf
[Reply]
Gretchen Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Aw man, I shoulda thought of that! Good one, Shiny. And happy belated birthday.
[Reply]
Dammit, I hate it when I have erased my cookies and I have to start all over again!!!
[Reply]
Chuck in Belpre Reply:
September 29th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Did I wish you a Happy Birfday? If I did not then I do it now. Late I know. I have one coming up in October. Fortunately it is not one that ends in a zero.
[Reply]
I only eat coq if it’s been braised in burgundy for 5 hours.
[Reply]
I only eat meat if the animal has died a tragic and horrific death while away at summer camp where a hiomicidal maniac hangs out with chainsaws and hockey masks.
…and only vegetables lovingly raised by Norweigan bachelor farmers.
[Reply]