So, I was walking down 42nd Street in Manhattan with a Revlon model on Friday, and other people were doing double-takes and practically bumping into each other. And I could almost see the cartoon balloons hovering over their heads, with the following words inside: “How in God’s name is that dipshit walking around with someone like her?”
We met by the big clock at Grand Central Station, and went to a bar there and had a couple of beers. We talked, and I was only a little stressed by the improbability of such a thing. Somehow our conversation flowed without much effort, though. And after a few minutes everything was cool. I was with a friend, just shooting the shit.
We talked about my book; she’s one of only five or so people who’ve read the first draft, and her feedback has been positive. She’s written two books herself, is writing two more, and has been providing advice and encouragement throughout.
We also talked about a lot of other stuff, just bouncing from subject to subject, and laughing. She’s a lot of fun, and certainly knows how to spin a not-always-PC yarn. Lotsa laughs.
Afterward, we walked to Park Avenue, to our agent’s office. That’s right, our agent. I feel kind of pretentious writing such a thing, but it’s true. We both have the same agent: the two of us, and a jaw-dropping lineup of well-known authors and celebrities.
When we were in the lobby of his offices, surrounded by all the books he’s recently brokered, I was thinking: “Is it, like, a million degrees in here? Shit, I feel like I’m about to burst into flames.” I think my blood-pressure was somewhere around 300 over 175.
My friend knew the whole staff, of course, and was yukking it up with everyone. I just stood there trying to maintain the integrity of my sphincter.
Then we were called back to the corner office, and had a twenty-minute or so meeting with the owner of the agency. He was friendly, but kind of reserved. He asked a few questions, told me he’d probably start shopping the book around after the second draft is completed, and it was all very upbeat.
I had several questions I wanted to ask him about the process, and he said, essentially, “Just finish the book and give it to me. That’s the process.” Heh. I guess I was overcomplicating matters in my head?
My friend (well, our friend… he and she have known each other for years) testified on my behalf, and said a lot of flattering things that made me blush. She has a history of helping people whose work she takes a liking to, and I’ve somehow had the good fortune of landing on her radar screen. She did a much better job of selling me than I could’ve. She was a force to be reckoned with.
When it was over, I shook hands with him, and he asked when he could expect the second draft. “Is June OK?” I said, just talking straight out of my ass. And he said that’ll be perfect.
So, I’ve got some work to do… My ass didn’t leave me too much breathing room, but I think I can have it done by the end of June. Actually, I will have it done by then. Probably is not a word in my vocabulary at the moment. I can’t afford any probablys.
We left his office, and she said she thought the meeting had gone well. I thought so, too. If nothing else, I’m more than just seven letters on a computer screen to him now… We walked toward Times Square, she gave me a friendly hug, and disappeared into a subway station.
I continued, hit the Where app on my phone, and located John’s Pizzeria. There, I had a really good chicken parmigiana sandwich, and two Sierra Nevadas, at the bar.
Then I hoofed it back to Port Authority, talked to an unfriendly, butthole-mouthed man at the Trailways counter, and eventually jumped on the bus back to Scranton.
I sent a few texts to people, and fell asleep. I think I was konked out for most of the three-hour journey, with Jean Shepherd playing in my headphones.
At one point I woke up, my shirt soaked in drool, and was surprised to find the bus almost completely empty. Had I overshot my destination? My heart went from zero to sixty in two seconds.
But I was OK (Scranton is the end of the line, fittingly enough), and I made it back home around 10 pm.
The next day I woke up and wondered if any of it had really happened. It all seemed (seems) so improbable. Jeff Kay on Park Avenue with an actress/model, off to meet one of the most powerful literary agents in the business?
There’s simply no way such a scenario could happen in real life. Ya know?
After the book is sold (hopefully), and I’m not so paranoid and superstitious, I’ll tell you who my celebrity guardian angel is. I want to thank her publicly, and will. But I’m afraid I’ll jinx myself by dropping names, and acting like a bigshot.
I certainly don’t feel like a bigshot (I mean, seriously), and don’t want to send out any bad vibrations, maaan. Once there’s closure to all this, I’ll tell you who she is.
And that was my unlikely Friday. The next day I was back to mowing the grass, wearing my Magnolia Thunderpussy shirt that Toney hates, and buying enormous sacks of potato chips at Sam’s Club. And there was nothing unlikely about any of that. Nothing at all.
I’m going to fall into the Brooke Shields camp on this one… But only time (and eventually Jeff) will tell the true celebrity Surf Reporter.
Ah crap, it occurred to me that Paulina Porizkova was perhaps not a Revlon model. Marketing $$ are lost on me since I don’t pay attention to ads. I take back my submitted guess and apologize to the mystery woman.
I never even considered Amy Sedaris, and when I read that my first thought was “I have no idea what she looks like, but I suspect she lives under a bridge”.
Then I did a google image search and as it turns out, she’s surprisingly hot.
But I don’t think she’s a Revlon spokesmodel. I think the best bets are Julianne Moore or Lauren Hutton. JM is the front runner for me, because I think she’s got a place in the village, too.
I have no idea where Lauren Hutton lives, and I can better picture JM hanging out with Bill Murray.
The helpful lady has to be Karen Duffy. She was a Revlon “Charlie Girl”, worked with Bill Murray in Fantastic Mr. Fox, and in 2000 wrote her autobiography, “Model Patient: My Life As an Incurable Wise-Ass”. Very Kay-esque–well, except for the part about the Charlie Girl thing and knowing Bill Murray.
Good stuff, Jeff. Congrats and good luck.
I think I’m going to write a book, and also look for a model/actress/TV personality/published writer to help me out. I think I’ll start with looking for the woman. Hollywood here I come!
Great update…good luck Jeff! I used to live in NYC, right in Hell’s Kitchen; never went to John’s pizzeria. Used to go to a lot of places in the East Village though (R.I.P. St. Marks Pizza)…
Whoever it is let’s remember that she is a surf reporter too and deserves the same lack of respect we show each other.
CADude is right. I had forgotten about the “Charlie Girl” thing.
I see Jeff sitting in the bunker furiously running his hands through his hair, hoping he didn’t give away too much info on his mystery friend and putting a kibosh on the whole deal.
Juancho, agreed.
It looks like we have collectively figured this one out:
It’s Julianne Brooke Sedaris-MacDowell
Sort of a Franken-celebrity (like Al Franken)
Two quick things before I leave for work:
All t-shirts have been mailed. So, if I owe you one, it’s on its way.
And the name of my NYC actress/model friend HAS been guessed correctly in today’s comments.
That is all. See ya tomorrow.
My deductions point to Karen Duffy.
Google search indicates that her second book was released in 2004, she splits her time between NYC and a farm in CT and that she is of Irish descent (and we all know about the Irish love for beer…)
Not that everything on the interweb is truth but it seems the pieces fit.
Congrats to Jeff on this amazing turn of events and thank you Karen for your generous support of the world o’ Surf Report!
Whoever said Karen Duffy first prolly wins first prize. According to her TLC biography she and her family split their time in NY and their farm in CT.
Which also means we have surf reporter in the Nutmeg State. 3 to go!
Just a touch behind Kevindust with the farm connection. Oh well.
Excellent! The mystery friend has been mentioned in today’s comments.
Surprising or not, but when one Googles “Revlon model who’s been published”, the Surf Report is the first hit.
And I’m going with Karen Duffy now, she was the 4th or 5th hit and it mentions she has 2 books published.
Plus she has the whole NYC cool chick vibe.
Yippee; we guessed the mystery celebrity!!
So you gave Al Franken a friendly hug on Friday (?!)
It’s gotta be Karen Duffy.
Hi Karen! You’re awesome!
🙂
How did Rick James know it was my Birthday?
Now we have to guess her alias when she posts. I think it’s either Jason or Shiny Rod. Or possibly Buck.
still slightly disappointed it wasn’t Linda Lavin
Googling “Karen Duffy” and “Bill Murray” brings up this page: http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/bill-murray
If you search for Karen Duffy on there, it seems to indicate that she is friends with Bill Murray. She fits every other criteria too, so I believe she’s the one.
Oh Jorge, you are so funny! Alas, too many people know me by my blog and I am no where near writing anything more than a college level thesis and a visit to my aunt in Brooklyn when I was a teen was the last time I was in NY.
Exactly what I would expect a model/actress who wishes to remain hidded to say!
Having (seemingly) correctly deduced that the mystery woman is Karen Duffy (3rd, after Amy–assuming “K Duffy” doesn’t mean “Katherine Duffy” or somesuch–and Erica in Charlotte), that leaves one unresolved question:
Under what pseudonym does she posts in the Comments?
It would seem that a big-time star like Ms. Duffy (Mrs. Lambros?) would be very busy, and not able post voluminous, rambling comments. Given her obvious desire to encourage Mr. Kay, one could assume that she would be inclined to post short missives that are indicative of undeniable and unabashed positive reactions to individual WVSR entries.
I’m going with Jimmy Kuhn.
My first thought was Jenny McCarthy but I don’t think she was a Revlon model was she? And did Jeff actually SAY Revlon model?
Yep Karen Duffy, Revlon Model, actress and author, born in New York City…it’s gotta be!
OK
I’ll confess it here today……
I am actually Linda Lavin
Everyone thought you were Billy Joel.
I’m late to the party but congrats and good luck Jeff!!
Having a great meeting, with a powerful agent, and a hot chick, in the greatest city in the world! What’s not to like! Congrats, Jeff! Of course, spending Saturday behind the Lawnboy, shredding Andy’s meadow muffins brings you back into the real world. Glad you enjoyed your trip!
I, too, have an unexpected Hollywood WV Patron- Would like to compare notes to see if our mystery patron matches… You can find me here:theponderingpotter.blogspot.com
So now we’re all onboard the Karen Duffy train? Wikipedia, you failed me again! Quelle surprise.
On a side note, I can live with the remote possibility that I called Ms. Duffy a card carrying member of the Shit Weasel Brigade during an unfortunate night of CUI (Commenting Under the Influence). After seeing her performance in “Dumb and Dumber”, I imagine she’d have no problem telling me to stuff it and enjoy my season tickets to the Asshole Jamboree.
Jeff,
You should of asked the publisher/book broker for an advance in order to deliver the re-write in June.
Did you get a ‘fish sighting picture’ at the publishers office? Have you ‘model friend’ hold it but cover her face.
She is obviously Jorge.
Speculation your helper aside – good luck getting your second draft done by June! I wish you the best of yurt-like inspiration, and complete cooperation from your computer.
Can someone explain why, when I try to subscribe to the RSS it requires me to pick a reader or whatever they are? When I subscribe at work awhile back, it downloads right to the RSS folder in Outlook.
My guess,,,,Drew Barrymore
Good Evening / Night Surf Reporters….
Sweet Duff dreams…
alli macgraw
OK, I’ll admit I don’t know who Karen Duffy is and, after checking her brief bio out on Wikipedia, I still don’t know. I learned
1) She was an MTV V-J
2) She did something with George Clooney
3) She has been described by Gretchen as a douche nozzle
BUT YOU OF LITTLE FAITH GOT THE STORY WRONG…
Jeff rode in a bright green Camero in the 4th biggest St. Patrick’s parade in the country. He is a well-loved writer on the Web and used to be in the music business. So…what those people in Mahattan were saying was…
“WHO IS THAT BABE WALKING WITH JEFF KAY?”
You’re all fired from his publicity team, but leave your name and number with the lady at the desk in case there are other openings.
jtb
You know, I might have got that “douche nozzle” part wrong. I intended to say “Shit Weasel”. Apologies to Gretchen.
Whoa whoa whoa. I don’t think Karen Duffy is a shit weasel. I just said that it’s possible that, while drunk commenting or something, I could have called Ms. Duffy (or whomever the mystery celebrity is) a shit weasel while she was anonymously trolling the WVSR.
Actually, I’ve probably never called anyone on here names (though I may have strongly considered it on occasion), but it was fun to imagine that awkward scenario during the hyped up speculation of yesterday. It was a frenzy, I tell ya! And I was caught up in the excitement of it all.
I’m sure Ms. Duffy is a fine person of upstanding character. And I’m positive that chillin’ with Murray on Clooney’s yacht would make one more relaxed and amenable to forgiveness if a member of the unwashed masses did dare to insult. So don’t beat me up, Karen. 😉
I am happier than Jerry Lewis in Paris about your book. You did it on your own.
Every stinking day you crack us up.
Bill Murray on a yacht and he wasn’t tied to the mast?
The mystery woman is cool because she’s helping Jeff — not because she’s been on TV. And I’m guessing Jeff doesn’t have shit weasel frends. And, Gretchen, of course you didn’t call anyone on this site a shit weasel (Merda Mustela Linnaeus). But it was sure fun to troll for a reaction. “Whoa whoa whoa” was more than I hoped for. I’ve agreed to avoid complimenting your syntax — not to avoid baiting you.
Now a Joni Mitchell tune is playing in my cranial juke box. Just the last verse maybe…
Nobody stopped to hear him
Though he played so sweet and high
They knew he had never
Been on their T.V.
So they passed his music by
I meant to go over and ask for a song
Maybe put on a harmony…
I heard his refrain
As the signal changed
He was playing real good, for free
cheers…jtb
Gretchen, I understood what you meant. No one has ever said anything nasty to anyone else in the comments. Maybe there’s been a lapse in judgement a few times but sadly that can happen. Especially if people take the things other people say too seriously.
We’re all just here to read Jeff, bow to his brilliance, laugh, ponder and sometimes laugh at eachother’s wit as well.
I say no worries….people who come here know none of it’s meant to hurt anyone else…it’s all in fun.
JTB, you dung ferret, you baited me good! 😉
“No one has ever said anything nasty to anyone else in the comments.”
Tammie, you must not have been around during the Haloscan days, when there was total anonymity when posting comments, in that you didn’t have to register with an e-mail address before posting, and you could post under any name at any time with no “awaiting approval” (or whatever that message is that comes when someone posts here for the first time). There were some days when 50% of the comments were insults from one Surf Reporter to another, and it could get quite nasty. I’m glad those days are mostly behind us.
Swami Bologna, Ummm….actually, yeah, I’ve had that experience on here.
I’ve never made a nasty comment to another Surf Reporter though, or at least not on purpose.
I have to agree that those days are mostly behind us and everyone is here to have a good time. That’s part of the charm.
it’s like we’re one big happy family! LOL
i’ve made nasty comments on purpose, but it would have been to be funny or sarcastic which doesn’t fly well on the internet. the most recent nastiness i remember was less than a year ago when taiwan on confronted awg and i thought somebody might get shot.
mmmmm modern marvels, bathrooms.