“And do you know how embarrassing it is to be at a cookout — at your teacher’s house! — and your dad gets so drunk he falls off the back porch?”
I just kept walking with no expression on my face, as required by the Mature Noncreepy Adult Code. But I really wanted to stop and ask a series of probing questions. I wanted the whole story. Ya know?
But, unfortunately, I’m at the exact age for snap “Chester the Molester” assumptions. So I just kept on walking.
I make an X “upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left.” What about you? I’ve seen people start an X from the lower-left, and that’s just so incredibly wrong.
Help me out with this, won’t you? We need an X consensus here. All this bottom-left action is bothering me a great deal. Please tell me none of you start on the bottom-right? I don’t think I could even handle such a scenario.
How do you make an X? Use the comments to verify my correctness in this matter.
The Angry White Guy has a funny post at Mockable today. Check it out here. Apparently my “Sometimes I Shit” update from yesterday didn’t go over very well? C’mon! That thing was hilarious. I’m shaking my tiny Duke head in disappointment…
Do any of you know if there’s such a thing as a Major League Baseball team podcast? I’d be interested in listening to a team’s daily radio play-by-play broadcasts for a small fee.
I think that’s the only way I’ll ever get into baseball again. If I could get the Braves (or Reds) games as mp3s, and listen at work, I think I might be able to reignite the passion. I’ve tried to force myself to watch games on TV, but it never works.
Is something like that available? I went to MLB.com, but there’s so much going on there, my brain almost short-circuited. What do you know about this? It seems like there would be a market for such a thing.
I think I’m going to start ordering cheeseburgers in restaurants, and sending them back because “the cheese is upside-down.” What do you think? All cooks have a great sense of humor, right? I think they’ll get a real kick out of it.
And I’ll close this one out (can you tell I’m struggling?) with another Question. I’d like to hear (read) your stories about falling down. When was the last time you bit the dust? Was it embarrassing? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And if you have any tales about other people falling, like the “dad” above who apparently did a drunken header off the back porch, hit us with those as well.
I slipped on the ice outside my Junior High once, and a thousand kids laughed uproariously. Without giving it even a second’s worth of thought, I stood up and gave everybody the finger. Everybody. In a big, swooping 360-degree circular motion.
And it went something like this: “HAHAHAHAHA(instant silence, furrowed brows).” It’s a wonder I didn’t get my ass kicked, but all I received was furrowed brows pointed in my direction.
Do you have anything to tell about falling down? If so, use the comments link below.
And I’m calling it a week, my friends.
Thanks for reading.