Among Other Things: Falling Down
I went to the high school swimming pool a few nights ago, to pick up the older boy from practice, and overheard a snippet of conversation between three teenaged girls huddled near the main doorway:
“And do you know how embarrassing it is to be at a cookout — at your teacher’s house! — and your dad gets so drunk he falls off the back porch?”
I just kept walking with no expression on my face, as required by the Mature Noncreepy Adult Code. But I really wanted to stop and ask a series of probing questions. I wanted the whole story. Ya know?
But, unfortunately, I’m at the exact age for snap “Chester the Molester” assumptions. So I just kept on walking.
I make an X “upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left.” What about you? I’ve seen people start an X from the lower-left, and that’s just so incredibly wrong.
Help me out with this, won’t you? We need an X consensus here. All this bottom-left action is bothering me a great deal. Please tell me none of you start on the bottom-right? I don’t think I could even handle such a scenario.
How do you make an X? Use the comments to verify my correctness in this matter.
The Angry White Guy has a funny post at Mockable today. Check it out here. Apparently my “Sometimes I Shit” update from yesterday didn’t go over very well? C’mon! That thing was hilarious. I’m shaking my tiny Duke head in disappointment…
Do any of you know if there’s such a thing as a Major League Baseball team podcast? I’d be interested in listening to a team’s daily radio play-by-play broadcasts for a small fee.
I think that’s the only way I’ll ever get into baseball again. If I could get the Braves (or Reds) games as mp3s, and listen at work, I think I might be able to reignite the passion. I’ve tried to force myself to watch games on TV, but it never works.
Is something like that available? I went to MLB.com, but there’s so much going on there, my brain almost short-circuited. What do you know about this? It seems like there would be a market for such a thing.
I think I’m going to start ordering cheeseburgers in restaurants, and sending them back because “the cheese is upside-down.” What do you think? All cooks have a great sense of humor, right? I think they’ll get a real kick out of it.
And I’ll close this one out (can you tell I’m struggling?) with another Question. I’d like to hear (read) your stories about falling down. When was the last time you bit the dust? Was it embarrassing? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And if you have any tales about other people falling, like the “dad” above who apparently did a drunken header off the back porch, hit us with those as well.
I slipped on the ice outside my Junior High once, and a thousand kids laughed uproariously. Without giving it even a second’s worth of thought, I stood up and gave everybody the finger. Everybody. In a big, swooping 360-degree circular motion.
And it went something like this: “HAHAHAHAHA(instant silence, furrowed brows).” It’s a wonder I didn’t get my ass kicked, but all I received was furrowed brows pointed in my direction.
Do you have anything to tell about falling down? If so, use the comments link below.
And I’m calling it a week, my friends.
Thanks for reading.
Now playing in the bunker
Grab your Surf Report shirts here!
Filed under: Daily
If I am first today, then I will do all I can for world peace
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first can it be???
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left side top to bottom then right top to bottom. Is there any other way?? Really!!?
I fall all the time but usually because when we drink my friend Lyndi likes to give me lap dances that frequently end up with both of us on teh floor.
I liked the mockable yesterday. it was funny.
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LHR- that was just mean to take my first like that. get crackalackin on peace and i will forgive you. You know in the name of peace and all.
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It ate my comment. I was first, dammit! Oh well, that is the story of my life.
I write an X the same way you do, JK.
I was in a bar in Louisville, KY a few years ago with Wally and some friends. We were all dressed up and drunk as skunks. Swilling martinis and multiple shots. As we were walking out, me in my 4 inch heels hit a wet spot on the wood floor. Both legs flew up, I landed on my ass, with my dress up around my waist. Everyone laughed. I got pissed. Then I got even more angry when no one would believe me that the floor was wet! Bastards.
I have other falling stories, as I am not a graceful person, but that is the one that popped in my head first. Which is what i should have been.
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Well, top 10 ain’t bad.
The last time I remember falling was when I was in NY with my ex. We were visiting a friend of his who lives there & we were leaving the guy’s apartment & for some reason I just ate complete shit right outside. I felt one leg going and the other felt the need to follow. I was face down & wondering how in the hell I could get back up without completely dying of embaressment. Worst part was I was stone sober. Oh, God I wished I had a LifeAlert button then. At least then I could say something like ‘Damn MS; it always does that!’
Instead they helped me up, tried to stifle giggles & we went on our way. Oh well.
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Kashmir’ by Led Zeppelin
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Oh yes, and I also write Xs like you do. Now the next question should be Os. I start mine from the top and continue around clockwise. Anyone complete it counter-clockwise?
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Top 10 three times this week!! I guess I have to much time on my hands!
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JK, I’m with you on the X
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Had a knee replacement last year so lots of falling doen stories, none of them funny. Well at least not to me. Sorry I missed you falling down. at old DJHS, I would have laughed too!!
“X”s defonatly the same way you do, daughter is a lefty and she does right then left. “O”s counterclockwise.
Jeff, I don’t know about MLB but I watch college basketball & baseball on gametracker.com. There is a link of the college page. Yes it is boring but my Clemson & WVU are not on regular channels here only ppv and I’m not paying, unless it’s football!!
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X Top Left down Top Right down. I have a yellow sticky note here because I had to practice, at first I thought I was backwards but after 20 of them your way felt correct.
Jeff-I don’t think you can download a podcast of an MLB broadcast. You can stream live through MLB.com or listen after the fact through MLB.com. It costs 14.95 a year and you can listen to any damn baseball game you want, home broadcast or away broadcast. I know what you mean about their site, it gets a lot easier to navigate with a little practice.
Melissa-CCW on the O’s
I’ll ponder on the fall down for a while.
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I make my Xs starting at upper right to lower left, then upper left to lower right. Guess I’m the odd ball here. I also don’t do cursive nor hold my pencil/pen correctly. When I was a kid I just didn’t have the hand strength yet to hold it like the teachers wanted me to do. The teacher would swoop down on me and physically rearrange my fingers and as soon as her back was turned I’d snap ‘em right back to what felt comfortable. My writing callus (which is slowly disappearing thanks to keyboard usage) is on my right ring finger.
As for falling, last summer I did a spectacular cartwheel down the stairs while half-awake, bounced off the landing, and ended up sprawled in front of the fridge with my legs up on the door. Despite the fantastic amount of noise I generated, including loud truck driver cursing, my husband never woke up. >:(
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I want to listen to radio play-by-play in mp3 format, not watch anything. I’d always be one day behind, but it’s better than the current situation (behind since 1996).
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Right top to bottom, then I usually fall down
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A few weeks ago I was walking to my car parked at the curb in front of my house, opened the door and as I was about to get in slipped on ice. I slammed down on my left hip. Luckily only a little wine splashed out of the glass I was holding.
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I was in a club in Subic bay one night enjoying the music and a San Miguel when one of the bar girls walked by and slipped and fell. It was like a cartoon watching her in slow motion as she was trying to negotiate high heels, steps and the carpet all at once. I didn’t find it that funny but my other ship mates thought it was hilarious. Kinda went with the music though, they were playing “Blinded by the light.”
On another occasion, a crew mate was was jumping from a launch boat to the ship before the boat could get stable and he slipped and fell with a bag of stuff he was bringing on board. The splash caused a wave of water to wash over the deck and poor guys bag of souvenirs went slowly down to the bottom of the ocean floor. Everyone ran further into the ship to get away from the oncoming human caused tidal wave. When he surfaced, I reached down and grabbed his arm and pulled him onboard. His response, “Oh shit! My brand new $400 camera was in that bag!” “I need to jump in and get it!” I told him, no way. We are anchored in 100 ft of water. Its gone now. Chief of the Watch snickered as the guy went slooshing up the well deck to the berthing area slumped over in shame.
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People that don’t think “Sometimes I Shit” is hilarious are plain and simply douchebags. There, I said it.
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Xes the normal way.
My dad used to get drunk before going to parents day at my Middle School and High School. I used to feel incredibly embarrassed the next day at school, knowing my teachers had probably noticed my dad was drunk. Now that I’m the age he was at the time, though, I can understand wanting to get drunk for parents day. I’d want to do the same thing, if I had any kids. But I would refrain, because I would know how embarrassed my hypothetical kids would be.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
I thought I made my X’s as JK described, but noooo. I’m a freak! I start out the standard way, top left down, but then, oh my god, I go from bottom left UP. Just another item to toss upon the heaping pile of neuroses. Man….
I thought of a few more to point out. When I need to make a slash mark / it’s bottom left up. For the reverse slash \ it’s top left down.
How do you make your 8′s? Is it the 2 circles, one on top of the other, or, the inverted infinity symbol type. I used to do the circle top, circle bottom, but for the last few years it’s been the classic figure eight.
How about 4′s? Pointy topped like the one here on the left, or convertible style, like a three sided box on a stick, open on the top? ….. Whew
On to the falls. Just had 2 in the same night last week. we had the huge snow and were attempting to clean off the inventory on the lot. Fell on ice getting out of a Silverado, then fell on ice getting into a Silverado. Almost hard enough to bust my ass and collect workmen’s comp, but not quite.
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And regarding falling down, my last fall was about a month ago as I was walking down my basement steps carrying a full laundry basket, heading to the washing machine. I couldn’t see my feet because of the basket, and when I was at the second-to-last step I thought I was on the last step, and therefore overstepped the actual last step, and tumbled straight to the basement floor, my laundry basket spilling its contents all over. Luckily there were a bunch of empty cardboard boxes at the bottom of my stairs, and I landed on the boxes and averted serious injury. But I was so shaken up by the tumble that I lay on the boxes for about a full minute before trying to get up. And as I was carrying the basket down the stairs, I was aware that there was a pair of underwear on the very top of the basket. But when I gathered up all the clothes that had fallen out , I couldn’t find any underwear anywhere. I looked high and low among the empty boxes, and on the shelves that some of the laundry had landed on, but there was no underwear to be found anywhere. So I figure there’s a pair or dirty underwear somewhere hidden in my basement, and I’ll probably come across it in about ten years, and will wonder what the hell it’s doing there.
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I make my X top left down, bottom left up.
We had about a foot of snow in Fort Worth, TX last week (insane!) and as I went to the mailbox, I slipped and almost ate shit. I caught myself in time to look up and see the little neighbor kid standing there laughing at me.
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I make an “X” exactly the same way you do, and I’m left-handed, in case that has any bearing.
Also, the last time I fell down in the manner indicated by the silhouette, I was on ice skates that I had just put on not five minutes earlier. I hit my head on the ice so hard that I saw stars. It’s been more than 20 years and I haven’t tried to ice skate again since then.
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I wish I could fly
From this building, from this wall
And if I should try,
would you catch me if I fall?
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I thought about a fall, it wasn’t mine but I think it’s worthy of a few lines.
While growing up we had a farm in Pocahontas County. Up in the in mountians of WV, near Snowshoe. We spent summers and holidays there. One summer we were letting a friend keep their sheep there to eat the grass so there wasn’t as much for my grandfather to cut.
My grandmother still in her house coat took out the door one morning with a broom inher had. Apparently the old nanny sheep was eating one of her flowers. Standing on the front porch watching my grandmother chase the sheep in her housecoat was great, but then she steped in a pile of sheep shit, and slid on her backside. The old nanny sheep turned, looked at her and let out a loud BAAAAHH!! We laughed so hard I think we all peed our pants!
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By all means, send the cheeseburgers back, but be sure to ask the server, “C’mon, how effing hard is it to get the cheese on right?” No sense going into something halfway, right?
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Upper right to lower left then upper left to lower right…that’s an X!
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Upper right down, upper left down, in that order.
Counter clockwise O’s.
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X “upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left,”
Didn’t know you could do it any other way
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I make my Xs like most people: I use the ‘x’ key, which is located between the ‘z’ and the ‘c’. I’m still looking for the ‘any’ key on this keyboard.
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O’s are counter-clockwise. He, he. I typed Cock-wise first.
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Upper left down, then lower left up. Any other way is just uncivilized. As a chef I can assure you we have a huge sense of humor…… Unfortunately for you it doesn’t correspond to your sense of humor! Be prepared to eat some questionable things! Or go home hungry!
I haven’t fallen in over 7 years. (Im sure to bust my ass in 15 mikes when I walk outside!)
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The best story I have of falling down was one night when I slept laying on one side of my body the whole night. This was the side of my body that is next to the side of bed I get out on. Apparently sleeping on that side cut off blood flow to my extremities on that side only. When I woke up and went to get out of bed, that leg failed and I toppled to the floor. I tried to catch myself, but that arm failed as well. Next thing I know, I was laying face down on the floor. There wasn’t even any alcohol involved!
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Since I’m a teacher, I have make my Xs the right way (Jeff’s way), so my students will have “proper” handwriting. A couple of them do it bottom to top, and it freaks me out just a little.
Can’t remember the last time I fell. However, my sisters and I still talk about the time our father slipped on the ice and fell halfway down the driveway while he was getting into the car one Christmas eve. It was more than 25 years ago, and we still remember it like it was yesterday.
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As a disclaimer, allow me to state: I have never dropped food on the ground purposely, added any bodily fluids, or maliciously adulterated any food items! BUT when your burger and/or fries have absolutely no seasoning or an inordinate amount of seasoning, rest assured that was me!!
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Over the summer I had one too many rum and cokes and “came to” with my head against the wall, feet dangling out and the shower going full blast on me. Thats my most recent fall.
I tend to fall quite a bit because I’m soo clumsy. I think I’ve got a new streak going the longest with out falling on my ass in snow and ice. I’m sure it won’t last much longer.
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I thought that was the only way to make an X. You mean there are folks that do it differently??? (gasping in horror)
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Oh and I do my X’s like you Jeff. just so you know.
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I make an X the same way you do, Jeff, and I never considered doing it any other way. Gave me the shivers.
If you send a cheeseburger back because the cheese is upside down you could get shot. I don’t recommend it.
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X’s, like Jeff. O’s, counterclockwise. Haven’t fallen for while, but the last coupla times, it was either getting into or out of a car, with lots of ice involved. There might have been a few refreshing cocktail beverages involved, too. I always thought that the two-circle eights were military. On that note, does anyone cross their sevens, or slash their zeros? The WV legislature is considering an additional 3 cent tax on a beer. Yea, we need that!
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Upper right to lower left – Upper left to lower right. If you dont do it that way there is something terribly wrong with you.
I did the exact same thing that Swami did only I did a face plant into the basement door. I bet it would have been funny as hell to see. Hurt tho.
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I slash my zeros…it’s a programmer thing.
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My last fall, I think it was fall of 2008. Getting into my car while probably incredibly drunk. Downtown Scranton. Cartoon was there, he’ll tell ya. Got into the car and was totally OK, but…..
A bouncer from a bar down the block saw me and started yelling very loudly, “Sir, are you OK? Sir?” Thanks for calling attention to me you fucking puke bouncer. Coulda gotten me locked up!
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Well, since where I live in Morgantown is covered in ice and snow, I fell not to long ago. I have some bruised ribs, and a messed up wrist because of it.
I don’t know about writing an X, as everything is pretty much typed these days.
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I make an X by starting in the upper left, working to the midpoint, starting again from the upper right and going to the midpoint, then repeating the process from the lower left and right.
Same as my signature.
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i am a right handed right top to left bottom, left top to right bottom X’er.
the average burger-flipper may share our sense of humor while off duty, but while flipping, that might lead to a “foreign substance” burger next time. be wary.
and i witnessed a man take a full header right before a press conference at the state capitol yesterday. i had just come in the door, and he was at the back of the room. this stately looking gentleman decided that he needed to quickly move toward the front of the room, and in his haste, he failed to notice…well… any of the about 4 objects between himself and the stage area. he first trips over a short step,then tumbled forward, knocking over 2 ladies, a table, 2 chairs, and a 6 foot mounted sign. and while doing this, launching his glasses and the clipboard he was carrying about thirty feet into the air in opposite directions. everyone who had gathered around the podium in the front of the room turned to view the source of the commotion, and stood there with that look you get when you want to laugh and point… but it just isn’t appropriate. i was lucky enough to have a view of all of this from about 5 feet away, and also the quick escape route of walking right back out the door so i could break down laughing.
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I’m here in a meeting that’s been droning for an hour plus and then the first snicker comes with reading the tweet feed from Shiny Rod about looking like an old lesbian. Some things just sound funny – I’m picturing Bruce Valanch (spelling?)
Then I check out the bunker cam – WTF? another snicker. I mean really – W T F?
Left sock, then right sock … no wait, wrong question. Of course I make the X the right way. What kind of alien experimental probing causes a person to make the X the wrong freakin way??? although, the girl makes her N by drawing the two sticks first and the the slanty one.
Slip and Fall – Years ago. Hockey Trainer. First period (so the ice is nice and wet and slippery). (that’s what she said) The coach’s son goes down hard and I have to make it from the bench to him about 100′ away I’m about 10′ away and all 230 lbs goes ass over tea kettle with arms flailing and I’m sure I looked like I was in slow-mo like Neo dodging the bullets… and down I go (it’s funny because he’s fat – Damn you HANGOVER)… and when I get up I take a gentle test step and then I do it again. Even more spectacular. I looked like a pro soccer player trying to convince the ref I’ve been shot. …And it’s beyond funny now ..but this time I pause for a second and get up slower because I’m not sure you know this – that ice is fucking hard….
Even the little shit I went out there to take care of in the first place is lauging at me. Next time let him stabilize his own freakin neck when we suspect a back injury.
ah happy memories
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My most memorable fall happened in high school when I lived in MN. We were leaving for lunch and it was really icy out. In the parking lot I went to turn to the person behind me, slipped on ice and fell downhill over a speed bump and slid almost all the way to the car. I was wearing one of those real slick, puffy down jackets that were all the rage. It road up on me due to the slickness and all. Of course my friends were well entertained by the incident and I got up, pulled my coat down, tried to act like I wasn’t hurt, and went to lunch.
When we returned I rushed to my locker, hung up my coat and ran to class. After class I went to the bathroom and when I went to tuck in my shirt realized that I had huge tire marks all over my light colored shirt. Classic.
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X’s the correct way, a la Jeff. O’s the correct way, counter-clockwise. Slashes through 7′s and 0′s like a geek.
mlb.com audio and video is playable only through their site. Recording from their stream might be an option, but kind of defeats the “easy to take with me” goal.
In order to answer the falling question, I’d have to have 2 categories: drunk and sober. The excuse for one is alcohol, for the other it’s the combination of age and gravity with a direct correlation to physical fitness. When I’m taking care of myself physically (not THAT way…get your minds out of the gutter) I don’t fall down much (core strength? It’s real.). When I’m a sloth, the effects of gravity take over far too regularly. Funny how that works….
The cheese thing? Don’t fuck with people who tend to your food. Duh!
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I make an “X”, same as Jeff, and I, too am a lefty..
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Jeff, just sent you an email with a suggestion for your baseball MP3 question including my direct contact info in case you have any further questions.
Just wanted to mention it here as well since I imagine your inbox is usually overflowing.
I’ve been doing this exact homemade podcast thing using the MLB audio site every season since 2002. Hope you find the info helpful.
JeffS
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None of my faceplants have involved alcohol. On the contrary, I can be completely sober and still end up on my ass. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that alcohol steadies me.
Last time I took a tumble was early one morning as I was walking downstairs to the kitchen. About 3 steps from the bottom, my foot slipped out from underneath me and I landed on my trick hip. After much foul language and a quick check to see if I was still intact, I remembered that I had given myself a pedicure the day before, and my feet were smoother and softer than a baby’s bum. Never would have guessed that my cracked heels had actually been providing traction on the carpet. Learn something new every day.
Xs the “normal” way, Os counterclockwise, cross my 7s, but slash my 0s only when needed for clarity. My 9s have a hook though and when dealing with the German side of the family, my 1s have a tail.
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How do I make an x? Ring finger, one down from “s”. See… like this: x x x. Very easy, ain’t it?
(I maybe should read the other comments to see if I was in the first ten to make this particular unfunny smart comment. But, I’ll wait until after I push submit.)
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Normal X’s. Stacked circles for an 8.
Do all the times I’ve tripped over dogs count as falls?
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during halftime at the superbowl I ran home to get my browns hat (to show some Ohio spirit) and slid coming out my back door flat on my ass. It didn’t hurt, or if it did I was too hammered to realize. The alcohol probably kept me from breaking my wrists, actually.
I then scooted on my ass to the end of the ice. No one saw but It’d be ok if they did.
A few years ago at a qdoba in st. louis I made an abrupt u-turn near the drink machine and slipped and went down, hard, followed by my brisk tea or whatever. It was quite a mess. The girl couldn’t stop laughing, I wasn’t as amused but survived. The manager was the most worried. I’m not the sue type, though.
A few weeks ago during a playoff game I was walking up 3 steps at my bar in Newport, KY and caught the last step and went down, hard (again) on my face while carrying two pints of high life.
I’m a mess.
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I tend bar on Saturday afternoons at a local place. It’s only 6 hours and it’s a decent gig. I watch sports, shoot the breeze and drink a fuck ton of free beer. A month ago I kicked this obnoxious asshole out of the bar for being…well, an obnoxious asshole. I knew him from high school, so I went out to the parking lot after he left to try and chill the situation. He was in his truck. I made the mistake of opening the door and this cocksucker FLOORS it in reverse. I go FLYING to the ground and all I can think about is MY tiny Duke head being crushed under the mud spattered tires of this yokel’s 8 year financed Ford.
I contacted the owners and they gleefully watched it on video tape. Making me speed up like stock footage of fucking Babe Ruth hitting a dinger in the 20′s and trotting the bases. Then they’d speed it down to Matrix style slow motion. To the point where you could see my cheeks flapping in perfect synchronization to my bulging gut.
OH and my ass crack was on display as I hit the deck like Ricky Henderson sliding face first into second.
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Shane,
youtube, come on!
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Nothing compares to biting it in front of a limo. I turned to see what esteemed personage would emerge from the stretch and oh-so-gracefully snagged a foot on the curb. I had enough presence of mind to turn into the fall and landed square on my back No clue who got out ot that limo ’cause I was too busy trying to breathe and then laughing my ass off, laying there on the sidewalk. I’m sure Whoever It Was wrote me off as just another crazy. Whatev…at least I didn’t pee on myself (seen that happen – not pretty).
Xs same as Jeff.
Eights both ways (what does that SAY about me??).
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I write my X’s this way upper right to lower left ( / ) then upper left to lower right ( \ ). Call me backwards if you will.
I don’t think I could handle listening to Baseball on my Mp3. That would be like watching a game with your eyes closed. Boring and frustrating.
I can’t remember the last time I’m fallen or even a funny time but a couple weeks ago in the Wendy’s parking lot I was sitting in my car and this very proper looking woman slipped on some ice and fell flat on her back right in front of my car. My boyfriend slipped on the neighbors wet stairs going up to the porch and landed on his back, ass and legs on the steps, the top half on the ground. He just laid there staring up at the sky. I instantly busted out laughing…guess it wasn’t very funny since he hurt himself but damn it, I couldn’t help myself.
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X’s: L to R; R to L. It’s just the natural progression while writing. O’s: Counter Clockwise.
Falling…oh yeah. I am usually a pro on my Fuck-Me-Pump’s…I wear them all the time, even in the winter unless Snowmageddon hits. I could run a marathon in 4 incher’s. So… A few years ago I was walking out of a shopping mall party supply store….It was around St. Paddy’s Day. It had snowed then promptly turned to deep dirty slush. I was already dressed to go out for the night…heels, hair, the works.
As I step off the curb, a corner of the sidewalk was covered by a puddle. What I didn’t realize was the puddle was actually a hole. My heel gets caught in said hole…I proceed to do a superman minus one shoe which is still submerged in the fucking hole. As I fell (& slid in the slush) forward (!) trying to catch myself my purse, which I was holding by it’s strap, whipped around with such velocity it sailed forward another 10 feet in front of me.
Two douchbag, zit-faced, 70′s porn hair, guys sat in a pea green piece o’shit car and observed the whole thing doubled over. I got up off my stomach soaking wet, limped over to get my submerged shoe, and walk the other direction to pick up my purse buried in slush and cinders. I tried to act like nothing happened but I was mother fuckin’ myself the whole way home.
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Yayzoo Kreestay, bikerchick, I’m feelin’ bad for ya right now!
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Upper right to lower left, then upper left to lower right.
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X – Top left to bottom right, bottom left to top right
O – Counter clockwise from the top
S – Start from the top
I’ve been told all my life I’m doing them wrong but it just seems natural. Probably why my handwriting sucks…
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I am left handed make my x’s left top down then right top down. O’s are done clockwise. Last time I fell was the same old scenario. Carrying laundry downstairs . I thought i was on the bottom step but was not. Landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs clothes strewn everywhere. No one cared or knew about it.
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@Melissa, I do O’s counter-clockwise. I’m right-handed, always have been (I wonder if hand preference has any bearing on it).
I do X’s UL to LR, UR to LL as Jeff described, when writing. For cross-stitch, I do the UL to LR leg second so it’s on the top of the stitch.
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@Greg, I cross 7′s (habit I picked up for some bizarre teenage reason in high school French class and have never bothered to break). I also cross Z’s when printing (picked that up in high school algebra).
4′s are two strokes, pointy top. 8′s are the usual figure-eight motion. I used to cross 0′s when taking programming classes in college, but have given that up. I do 1′s oddly. Mine have the serif at the top like the typed version, and a horizontal base stroke.
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Citizen X- we need your opinion on this, you should be the expert on how to properly make an X
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@Seanette, French class is where I also learned to cross sevens and Z’s, too. I don’t remember where I learned to cross 0′s. I think it was in some research course, where I had to differentiate a zero from the letter “O”. All very scientific, (Ahem). Don’t do it now, but at least, I know what it means.
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I do my swastikas starting from the top left and….oh shit, wrong blog.
I was looking for The West Virginia SS Report.com
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X: top-left to bottom-right; bottom-left to top-right.
O and 0 counterclockwise.
I and J undotted in lowercase.
7 and Z crossed (upper and lower case).
The weird thing I do with writing – and this is why you read that thing about 7 right – is that I write numbers in cases too. If you look at oldstyle numbers – where 012 are lowercase height, 34579 descend (like gjpqy), and 68 ascend (like bdfhklt), then you’ll understand what I mean.
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I find the best way to make an X is by filing the divorce papers.
FYI Jeff, there was an escaped circus zebra here in downtown Atlanta today. It was finally captured on the Connector, but not until after traffic had become backed up to the perimeter. This town may actually be too weird for me now.
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Upper right to lower left, then upper left to lower right. I didn’t know that ther was any way to do it.
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Debra, it’s karma, we fell exactly alike. Will you marry me?
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“Stuart, Melbourne Australia” said: “Upper right to lower left then upper left to lower right…that’s an X!”
Well, your toilet water swirls the opposite way, too, so it’s not surprising you make your X’s backwards.
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What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra on I75/85 in Atlanta.
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Last time I fell was just the other day when I slipped on the ice. I skinned my knee like a 5-year-old. Pissed me off by tearing a hole in the knee of a good pair of pants. Last fall before that was many years ago, I don’t remember.
The X goes top left to bottom right, then top right to bottom left.
Now typing: from Bridgeport WV (business trip).
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Bridgeport? Workin’ for Bombardier?
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I haven’t really biffed worth telling. bummer. maybe tomorrow. anyway, my mother in law went down one night on the ice. we snickered away in her car until my father in law(God rest his soul) jumped out and helped her..then came in and chewed our asses. Reminded us it is ok to laugh, but make sure the person is ok first.
I think that was some of his best wisom. For real. I miss that man
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doing the X Im lefthanded and do a ton of invoices the little old ladys cant see were to sighn so i pun an X on the invoice i actually start in the top right down to the bottom left then not lifting the pen stroke to the upper left to the bottom right…….if the invoice is real important i then make a clockwise circle around the X sighn here the bills in the mail. 30 days same as cash…
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upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left.
It’s the “normie” way.
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On X’s, I can go either way. Most commonly upper left to lower right, then upper right to lower left.
O’s CCW.
Best fall: We were at a local schoolyard with my kids, brothers, nieces, nephews and a couple of neighbors. The kids had their bikes.
The action moved to the other end of the school, so I got on a kid’s bike to ride it over. I’m 6’1″ and 230 lbs. I pedal over and put on the front brake and go flying ass over head over the bars.
I threw my back out, which is nothing new, and cracked/broke a rib in the process. I spent the next couple of days on my back, unable to sit up or roll over.
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Oh yeah! Eating shit –
My landlord fucked up the sprinkler timer… it came on at 5am when the weather was well below freezing during the dark hours. The little set of steps between units at my triplex didn’t look icy but… boy howdy, it was.
I slipped, caught myself and wound up with some epic whiplash.
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“And do you know how embarrassing it is to be at a cookout — at your teacher’s house! — and your dad gets so drunk he falls off the back porch?”
Nope, but I plan on my kids knowing.
X making: Agreed, upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left is how it’s done. Those who do it incorrectly should be weeded from the human population. I’m already stocking up on Zyklon-B.
Sending cheeseburgers back: That sounds like a great plan if your goal is to find out what semen tastes like.
Falling Down: The only good falling down story I know isn’t about me. Back in high school, about 25 years ago, we had an ice storm one winter day. My friends in I stood in the foyer at the main entrance watching people slip and slide on their way in. One of the business teachers, Ms. François, fell about half way up the main walk. We stood there laughing and laughing while she flailed around on the ground like a turtle on it’s back. It never occurred to us there was a problem when she didn’t get up, but we eventually clued in when the ambulance came. She broke her leg in 9 (yes 9) places. After that I made sure not to take any classes she might be teaching.
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“……all reproduction or rebroadcast of the game without the expressed written consent of MLB is prohibited”.
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sometimes upper right then upper left, sometimes upper left then upper right. what the hell is that!?
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Excuse me miss. This semen wasn’t done right. It was created lower right to upper left. That won’t do.
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It’s 1:30 AM….Dogs woke me up……now I’m wide awake. Now after seeing Bunker Cam I’m afraid to close my eyes….thanks. J.C.!!!
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Broke my ankle last time I fell (3.5 years ago). Still have a plate and 8 screws in there (after 3 surgeries).
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I just read what I wrote below and it sounds a little dickish. I really didn’t mean it to be — I’m not particularly a sanctimonious person. Oh well, take what you will and discard the rest.
I don’t pretend to be a member of the freakin’ Algonquin Round Table, but at this time of night it’s a small hoot to be a critic. Yeah, very small, but things get smaller with time.
Tyro: Perfect education. A degree in chem (I hope not direct experience) enables you to correctly use and spell Zyklon B (well, almost — the hyphen is typically used only if one is referring to the Norwegian black metal band), and misspell the singular gender-neutral possesive pronoun “its”. To be fair, your writing is cogent, clear and engaging. I thing that’s what makes the “it’s” stand out.
There must be 8-10 reporters today whose shift keys are kaput, and, according to the CDCP, that constitutes an epidemic — of slothfulness, apathy, ignorance, or hardware malfunction: hard to know which. So the “its” is teensy, but being a learner, I thought you’d appreciate its being identified.
Swami: You might want to look up “karma” in the dictionary. I think the only word that comes close to the basis for your proposal is “coincidence”, which isn’t as romantic as karma, which would be a problem were this a dating site.
bikerchick: Thank you so much for “I am usually a pro on my Fuck-Me-Pumps”. I’m quite familiar with the term, but the casualness with which you used it was almost musical.
Tilly: Sometimes misusing a word in the right place is useful and funny. Thanks for “…get crackalackin on peace…”. Just right.
JQ Brat: Let’s assume you’re young, else your comment “I don’t think I could handle listening to Baseball on my Mp3. That would be like watching a game with your eyes closed. Boring and frustrating.” would make people like Red Barber, Vin Scully, and thousands of other baseball artists trivial history. They’re not. I’m sure you can’t imagine how The Old Redhead and many like him actually broadcast more information about a game than you’d get were you watching TV, but they did. Red is in the Catbird Seat now, laughing his ass off.
bikerchick: I forgot to thank you for “Two douchbag, zit-faced, 70’s porn hair, guys sat in a pea green piece o’shit car and observed the whole thing doubled over.” That couldn’t have been more descriptive or funnier if you’d send along a video.
Amigos: A quick reminder that Saturday is the fifth anniversary of the tragic self-induced death of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. The bastard offed himself on my 55th birthday. Perhaps a quick list from “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” would help in creating your celebration shopping list: “We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of
high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy
of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… also a quart of tequila,
a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls.”
If you have given up ether like I have, you might consider instead an oral reading among friends of the opening chapters of FALILV or some other appropriate Thompson work. Just an idea.
best as always
with the radio on,
jtb
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Late to the party again, but it’s 8:35AM and I brought beer. Anyway…
JTB: The Good Doctor was shot into the air on my birthday, August 20th, and that night after my birthday party at the gun club, I loaded up a 18 shot homemade mortar rack and lit it off in memory of HST. I will indeed break out The Great Shark Hunt tomorrow, as well as a saltshaker full mystery powder (been saving up for this one) and about 30 beers. Though he is mostly remembered for excess, the bastard had a way with words. My favorite quote: “…there is not much evidence in history of either God or Justice. The best we can hope for is Truth. Not often, and a pretty thin gruel even then.”
X: upper left to lower right, upper right to lower left.
Falling down: I’ve been so heavily “medicated” for half a year that I wake up with mystery bruises, soft tissue damage and bruised ribs on a daily basis. I think the last 2 memorable ones were coming home to my old house at 5AM and collapsing onto the floor, cranking my head on the corner of the kitchen table. The person who was walking me home observed all this, and I woke up on the kitchen floor many hours later with a mild concussion.
Another one was walking equipment home from a gig after a snow and ice storm. I was carrying my Marshall amp head, hit a patch of ice and went ass over teakettle like Charlie Brown trying to kick that fucking football. I landed on my back and the Marshall (which is an old 70s tube model with a heavy ass power transformer) landed squarely on my chest. I am pretty sure I cracked a rib that time, but at least the amp wasn’t damaged. All in the name of Rock’N”Roll!
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Mr. Rat:
I’ve been asking around town and can’t seem to find anyone with a Vincent Black Shadow they would be willing to loan or rent to me on Saturday. Just for a quick ride out to the Olympic Peninsula at 110 MPH. I guess I’ll have to settle for renting a Shark convertible and inflating the tires to about 3X spec for improved gas mileage.
Very glad to hear that another Reporter is going to honor Doc’s memory on his Day of Infamy. He was a bit of a Bastard, but when he was on, he created some of the best prose and reporting of the last 60 years.
Certainly The Great Shark Hunt is a fine choice. I raise a glass to you, RB, as well as to Doc. If you make it to the range, hit a propane tank or whatever explosive device you can get ahold of for me.
Gonzo Forever,
jtb
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I have personally turned falling down into an art form. I don’t need to be drunk. I don’t need rocky or difficult terrain. Hell, I don’t even need obstacles to fall down. My last great spill, February 27th, 2009, left me in a brace that looks like the shin guard for an imperial storm trooper for the last year, completely unable to exercise or “bear any weight” on my ankle indefinitely. I was walking, sober, through a parking lot. I only made it four feet or so, before this pot hole JUMPED outta nowhere…ok, I may have been distracted by conversation and just not noticed…until I half-stepped in the thing, rolling my ankle, inadvertently knocking a bone out of place, and generally ruining my ability to walk for the last year. Brilliant.
Can you imagine what I’m capable of DRUNK? It’s not pretty, and usually involves a trip to the orthopedist.
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How do you make an X what kind of fucking question is that?
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RB – Good save. Never let Marhsall amp hit the floor. You will be haunted by every dead rock guitarist in the world and ridiculed by the living ones.
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johnthebasket,
No worries about the critique, I find typos in my writing all the time and it drives me nuts. When I really want to beat myself up I pull out my thesis and look for the plethora of mistakes that were missed by myself, my reviewers, and my examiners.
I know there’s no hyphen in “Zyklon-B”, I just like it better with the hyphen. My real concern in referencing it was someone mistakenly thinking I was making light of the Holocaust. I debated using VX instead, but thought the reference might be a little obscure, or (God forbid) bring to mind that horrible Nicholas Cage movie from the 90′s.
FYI, my degrees were in Genetics and Molecular Biology, not Chemistry, but close enough for WVSR purposes.
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I had to make a few Xs to figure out my flow, but I start in the upper right, stroke all the way down, then upper left and stroke down. However, I’ve noticed that when I write X by itself, I start from the upper left. Go figure.
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JTB — maybe you can scare up a BSA Lightning, those are a little more common in your neck of the woods, right? That’s what Hunter was riding when he wrote Hell’s Angels if I recall correctly. I just may make it out to the range tomorrow, and if so a friend of mine and myself can mix up some pretty impressive.. um… ….impact sensitive targets. Glass raised right back at you and the Good Doc!
Shiny Rod — I would have had a aneurysm if anything happened to that amp! I’ve put it through hell and back, but it soldiers on, damaging eardrums year after year. Jim Marshall knew what he was doing back then.
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Upper right to lower left, upper left to lower right…when they let me have a crayon here at the institution. Is it hockey season yet? What day is it today? Uh-oh…the nurse is coming… I gotta go…
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Carol: I have a plate and a bunch of screws in my ankle, too. From a bicycle fall, about five years ago. Only took one surgery, though, thankfully.
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Tyrosine,
Based on the aggregate of your comments on this site, I don’t think anybody would think you were making light of the Holocaust. I certainly don’t. As for knocking off some pesky grad assistants and those who make exes incorrectly, well, that’s another matter.
Maybe your knowledge and powers could be used to create some decent “wrap sauce” for Jeff. While it’s possible that McD’s sauces don’t contain any organic chemicals, they are most likely constructed of molecules of some kind, perhaps including VX to discourage the cockroaches.
Thanks for being a good sport about the ribbing. Feel free to grenade me when I fail to live up to my own writing standards, which happens more often than I’d like to admit.
best wishes,
jtb
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RB,
Yes, I think you recall the BSA Lightning correctly. I believe it was a 650 which, at the time, was a high-performance bike. I used to ride a slightly smaller bike over the Cascade mountain passes; the sweet smell of Douglas firs would remain in my pores for weeks thereafter. However, I put the fuel in the tank and attempted to keep it out of my bloodstream during these long rides. Doc fueled up everything.
jtb
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JTB: Right you are about my use of the word “karma,” now that I have actually looked it up. And I don’t mind being corrected on misuse of words, as it’s one of my own pet peeves to see others butcher the language, so your dickishness is forgiven.
But I don’t think the word “coincidence” properly conveys was I was intending to say (though that is of course what it really was), but I can’t think of a word that does. So I will rephrase it all: “Debra, because we both fell down the exact same way, I believe that shows we are somehow cosmically related in some mysterious way.” (I’m ignoring the fact that Chuck in Belpre also fell down the same way as Debra and I did, so perhaps it’s a very common way for people to fall down, and so it is absolutely meaningless, which of course is the true conclusion.)
And since we’re critiquing one another, JTB, I just want to point out that in your 10:58 post you used the words “a aneurysm.”
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Pssttt…Swami, that was Rat Bastard.
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Ooops, sorry for pinning the ungrammatical usage on you, JTB. Thanks for pointing that out, WBinOH. No offense, Rat Bastard (but I figure someone who calls himself Rat Bastard doesn’t get offended very easily anyway).
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The last time I recall a memorable fall was last winter. The old curling club put on a demonstration at the community park on the pond. First of all, curling on a pond is nothing like what we see in the olympics. Due to the rough ice, it takes a considerable heave to get the stone from one end to the other, which means the stones start out moving rather fast and it takes a little hustle to keep up when you are on the broom. Well I was manning a broom, shuttling as fast as I could sideways in clunky winter boots and tripped over an opponents stone that had cleared the hog line but really wasn’t in play. I tried everything to save myself but eventually gravity overcame me and I went down hard on the ice. My dignity was gone but luckily my Bud Light was close by.
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People that use ‘loose’ when they mean ‘lose’ drive me crazy… I know it’s not a biggie but for some reason I want to grab them and shake them.
Thanks, I’m better now.
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I like the upside down cheese idea.
A few years back at the local McDonalds A hamburger with added cheese was more expensive than a cheeseburger. So what i did was order a hamburger with added chees, then bitch and moan about being over charged for a cheese burger.
The best part was that the cashier/order taker would usually try to get me to just order a cheeseburger because it was easier for them and cheaper for me. But I would insist that she give me what i want, then proceed to hand them their ass due to the over charge. I think I was the only one who laughed.
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Jeff, X’s are exactly like you said. Starting from the bottom is probably how Dahmer did it. Not right at all.
I don’t have a personal falling down story but a good one nonetheless. One of my best friends in high school was a very polished, feminine, snob of a guy. He was what you might call a poofter. Polished and snotty but very sweet. One day in the band hall (yeah we were band geeks) he was gliding along talking about Gucci or Armani or some such topic and tripped full force over a GIANT tuba case and went tumbling down with all four limbs flailing and grabbing.
I admit that I laughed so hard that day that I peed myself. To this day it is one of the funniest things I have EVER witnessed in my life and I generally don’t laugh at falls. For the longest time (and sometimes even now) I would wake up in the middle of the night and play that loop over in my head and howl with laughter. Always the deep, stomach laughter that makes you breathless. I wish I had it all on Youtube.
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icecycle66: Sounds like you’ve probably eaten a lot of spit, loogies, and boogers over the years.
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@Chuck in Belpre, I agree with the peeve about loose/lose. Gets me growling every time. I also hate the phrase “could care less”. If it’s possible to care LESS, then there must be at least a little concern present. If you’re trying to say you’re totally indifferent (i.e., you don’t care at all), it’s “couldN’T care less”.
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I clicked on the bunker cam and hit the back button and quickly as I could! jezzum CROW! i didn’t even see the bottom half, if there was a bottom half. The Man already has blocked so much of what I used to listen to & check in on here, sheesh! if they saw some of the stuff going on in the ol’ bunker – I’d be shut out of the WVSR for good. can’t have that, nossir. Then I’d have to wait until I got home, and that’s just crazy talk.
my X technique: I’m not 100% sure anymore because now I’m hyper-aware and over-thinking it. I think I start at UR to LL, then UL to LR.
I’ve fallen down while carrying an antique dresser drawer full of clothes. Breaking both sides of the drawer out hurt my feelings worse than the scrapes and bruises on my hands, wrists, forearms, knees, etc.
Many years ago, my boyfriend fell on his ass down 3-4 stairs. I didn’t see him fall, but I heard the bump-bump-bump, silence, then “ow.” I ran down the hall to laugh but our apt was so small, he heard me giggling.
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And speaking of ungrammatical posts, looking back at one of mine I see the phrase “conveys was I was intending to,” which obviously was supposed to be “conveys what I was intending to.” I wouldn’t bother pointing it out, except for the fact it was a post in which I say “it’s one of my own pet peeves to see others butcher the language.” So I will now call myself a dummy and a ‘tard, as that’s what I usually think to myself of other people when I see them writing poorly. Perhaps I should be more humble on the topic, given that I’m sometimes guilty as well.
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X’s JK’s way. Sevens and Zeros crossed-but I spent my early education years in Europe, so maybe that’s why.
Two falls, both while completely sober. With the first one, coming down the stairs with a large box of Christmas decorations, my foot slid out from under me, and I slid on my ass down the entire staircase. A broken tail bone resulted. I would rather give birth again,than have a broken coccyx-amazingly painful.
The other fall I had just left work to pick up my daughter from the airport, I was running late and she was an unnacompanied minor at the time, so I had to GET THERE-slipped on a puddle of mud just outside the office building and broke my ankle. The “smokers” came to my rescue (love you, smokers!), Then the VP of the company (after half carrying/dragging my fat ass to his BMW-so embarrassing) took me to the hospital and a co worker picked up the child.
Good times.
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I make the X like you do, Jeff.
My spectacular fall – on vacation after visiting mother in law, and flight with cocktails to Bahamas, we settle in with yet another glass of champagne at Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort. For some reason, (which the alcohol seems to have blotted out) Beloved and I were holding hands and dashing back to our room when I fell to my knees still clinging to Beloved’s arm and he was still moving. All people saw was a lady on her knees, her arm being yanked out of its socket then sprung back slingshot style after Beloved let go. The next time you see that commercial in front of the Sandals pool, think of me. And laugh!
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Swami — no offense taken. I’ve been hitting the sauce all day, so I’ll blame that or my Western PA public school education.
JTB — Yep, the Lightning was a 650. Our drummer has a Triumph Bonneville — 1970 I believe — that I would borrow in a heartbeat for tomorrow’s marathon of bodily abuse, but now that I’m getting a little bit older I guess I know better.
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Chuck in Belpre, I agree with the lose/loose thing. Ihad a friend who was dating a real dickhead and she would IM me “I don’t want to loose him” and all I could think was “Cut this asshole lose”
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Falling down is never funny when it is YOU. Especially when you get hurt. Jeff, you were so right to give everyone the finger when they laughed at you.
I had a fall from a crooked sidewalk, almost a year ago. I fractured my ankle and damaged some tendons in my right shoulder. It is still not completely healed, but luckily I had the presence of mind to contact an attorney the same day it happened. The attorney is quite confident in the case and, although it’s taking a long time, I should be getting about $15,000 to $25,000 in settlement here pretty soon!
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X = upper left to bottom right, upper right to bottom left like any normal person
O = counterclockwise
I also cross my 7′s; not sure why? military school perhaps?
couple summers ago I was coming up the stairs from my basement bathroom after a shower one morning, bathrobe folded over my arm; second step up stepped on hanging bathrobe in mid-step, right foot slid out from under me while my left foot on the bathrobe held my left arm down preventing me from catching myself – crashed into the damn railing RIGHT where the holder thingy with the little knurl on it that sticks out is with the left side of my head right between the temple & the eye socket – damn near knocked me out – then proceeded to slide back down the carpeted stairs on my bare knees – had a killer black eye & hamburger knees from the rug burn – for how much I drink to think this was about the worst spill to date & stone cold sober ta boot -
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When I’m making a single X, I start at the top right.
When I’m jotting down my name, I start at the top left.
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I wipe out all the time – I mtn bike, rollerblade, snowboard etc – none of which I am good at. – also am extreme klutz – bad combination. But for unrelated falls, the worst was many years ago, was at a big social function (alcohol not a factor though) as I left some guy propositioned me and I told him ‘in your dreams’ – turned around and fell on ice down 5 stairs – my friends call me Gracy.
I have no clue how I make letters/numbers but will think about it next time I write.
Jeff – why are you always at arms with the fast food community – you are obviously just looking for trouble. Are you allowed back in the local Subway yet?
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there was a holocaust?
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@Madz1962 – =8^-)
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Just remembered my funniest fall.
Spring Break, South Padre Island…My friends and I, got our usual stinking drunk laying on the beach in the afternoon. Around 5 or so we would go back to our rooms and clean up for the evening. I was last to get back down to the hotel bar (Sheriton I think), and this place had the indoor/outdoor pool that came right up to the bar. Well I was a lot drunker than normal and ended up stumbling into the pool. I climbed out and realized my spectacles were still laying on the bottom, so back in after them. This of course is followed by a standing ovation from about 100 onlookers as I made my way to the elevator to change clothes.
There is more to the story but it’ll have to wait until the question of the day is about public nudity/most embarrassing moment.
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I make my X’s by drawing a small “v” up top and then an upside-down “v” under it. Just kidding, that would be fucking batshit. I do my X’s the same way as Mr. Kay. If you start from the bottom then I think it says something about your personality. Maybe you’re a sex offender or something (I haven’t read the comments yet so cut me some slack if I offend you).
I had a terrible fall in January. My gerbile was sitting on a kitchen stool as I changed a bulb and I slip and fell. And I don’t know what happened, but the gerbile ended up in my ass and I had to go to the emergency room to have the clawing and scratching thing removed. Freak accidents – whaddaya gonna do? You guys believe me, right? I’d never do the Richard Gere thing, and I’ve never had several cups of semen pumped from my stomach, and I’ve never choked on a ham sandwich. Whatever. Don’t judge me, motherfucks.
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x’s the jeff way, as does the rest of the clan here in the big bear nation (5 people surveyed). Only fall I can remember is in a Las Vegas parking garage, tripped over an invisible shoelace right into a huge mud puddle.
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I make my X the JK way.
I always start laughing uncontrollably when I see someone fall down. It got me in trouble so many times. I seem to have the same effect when I read about people falling down. All very funny!
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My sweet husband once tripped over a cord on a beam in an attic and on the way to falling through the ceiling caught himself on cross beams by his armpits. In the process he took every bit of hide off his ribs from the top of his pants to the afor mentioned pits, then due to extreem pain he let go and continued to fall onto a stack of desks and chairs on his way to the floor. He gimped home in rags, bleeding from about 50 % of his torso and was hard pressed to shower, wear underwear or jeans or sleep well for a good week.
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