There’s some kind of pollen or whatever whipping around in the air, and causing me problems. I’m a complete mess. My nose is running, I’m sneezing like an ancient sneeze-master, and my eyes are now a matching set of gloop-o-matics. Or something.
I can’t even wear my contact lenses very long, because they get all gunky and uncomfortable. Also, the sun seems impossibly bright. As soon as I set foot off our porch, I’m almost driven to my knees by the brightness.
Most people have hay fever problems at the beginning of spring, but I’m always a few weeks behind them. And mister, it’s kicking my ass this year. I can barely function. Sheesh.
Yeah, I know… take a pill. That’s always the answer, right? But I don’t take pills, I don’t ingest li’l balls of laboratory chemicals. They’re too mysterious and creepy. I’d rather stick with what I know: Yuengling Brewing and Wendy’s Corporation.
I just need to make sure I don’t sneeze in the direction of the Big Ass Television. ‘Cause dried snot will turn to cement on a TV screen. Believe me, I know.
On Friday evening I dropped the younger boy off at a school dance, which kinda freaked me out. He’s supposed to be a little kid, not hanging around discotheques, chatting-up the ladies. Ya know?
But anyway, while we were driving I was joking with him about dancing. He had no intention of doing any actual dancing, I learned. The very thought of such a thing was laughable.
“Maybe you can dance with her?” I said, nodding toward a girl standing outside, as we pulled into the parking lot.
“No, she’s gross,” he said.
“What’s gross about her?”
“She can’t say her Rs right, and she has dandruff.”
And after I stopped laughing, I realized I felt a little better about things.
The police apparently want to talk to me about my recent update about the shirtless library maniac. I received an email from the director of the library, asking for my cell phone number. The arresting officer, she said, wants to talk to me about what I witnessed that day.
I sent her the number, but haven’t heard from the cops yet. And the whole thing is mildly disturbing, on several levels…
Needless to say, I’ll keep you guys updated. Wonder if I’ll be asked to testify at a trial, or something? Yeah, I don’t care for that. I have visions of the maniac being dragged from the courtroom, pointing at me and screaming, “I’ll get you, blog boy! If it’s the last thing I do!!”
The Eels are finally going to tour again. It’s been a long time since they did a real tour, with the full band and everything. They’ll be in Philly on September 22, and so will I.
The Eels are one of the few bands that can still get my ever-expanding ass out of this chair, and into the concert hall. This will be my fifth or sixth time seeing ’em. Oh yeah. A splendid time is guaranteed for all.
What bands have you seen many times? I’ve also seen the Replacements/Paul Westerberg a ridiculous number of times. And there are others, as well. What about you?
When I get home from work tonight, around 2:15 am, I’m going to watch the final episode of LOST. No way I’ll be able to wait until my next day off, which is Thursday. That’s simply too far off in the murky future.
So, I’ll crack open a Yuengling and watch it in the middle of the night tonight. Wonder how long two and a half hours will be, with me fast-forwarding through the many, many commercials? An hour forty-five? What do you think? I’ll try to keep track and report back tomorrow.
And I’m gonna leave you now with a question from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk. A few nights ago Clive was asking his listeners if they collect anything. Like stamps or coins, or (hopefully) something more unusual.
I used to be big-time into baseball cards, until they got so expensive I couldn’t compete anymore. Now I have very little interest, but for several years it was a white-hot passion in the middle of my soul.
What about you? Do you collect anything? Have you ever? Use the comments link to tell us about it.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, right here.
See ya then.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who resists the pills, allergies be damned.
I’m gonna put my guess at 105 minutes. Never saw lost, have no clue about it, but if it runs like most network shows it should lose about a third of the show to commercials. I collect paternity suits. Which are different than Joseph A Banks suits, which are normally buy 1 get 7 free.
I collect guns mainly…it’s a passion and a curse. They’re expensive and require some light maintenance– but they’re very handy back here in the woods. I wish I could collect expensive guns, but I like to use ten too much. I figure, what’s a collection if you can’t use it. I’ve been accused of collecting mowers too, but that’s more of a “too lazy to fix and sell the old ones” problem.
I collect early Springsteen bootlegs, mostly on vinyl.
A few coins, mostly British Empire stuff from my grandfather’s travels in Asia during WWII.
I sold my baseball cards for $20 in 1979, before the boom. Pete Rose’s rookie card was in there, as was Carl Yaztremski’s Triple Crown card from the 1968 season (he won it ’67). Shit.
I have probably seen the E Street Band and NRBQ more than 20 times since the mid 1970’s. Whatever I pay for one of their shows, they always leave me feeling like I paid half what it was worth.
I saw a Westerberg solo show in Chapel Hill a few years back that was pretty magical – he had a couch and a few chairs on stage – during the encore he invited the fans to sit up there for a singalong. About 25 lucky bastards sat with him while strummed through a bunch of great songs – a 30 minute encore. Made me wish I has seen him 20 times.
I used to collect Japanese teabowls and daguerreotypes (along with other types of photographs, but dags were my favorite). The former I can make reasonable facsimiles of now, so no need to spend money on that anymore. The interest required to maintain the latter was crushed by The Dark Force in the Universe Known as My Mother with some well-placed guilt about how I was throwing away [my long suffering husband’s] money on “forgeries”. So, funk dat.
I collect unemployment checks…and DVDs.
I have seen Mother’s Finest a ridiculous amount of times but that is mainly because they opened up for every other band that blew through Atlanta in the late 70’s/early 80’s. I’ve probably seen them 14 or 15 times so it’s a good thing I like them
I collect milk glass, vintage costume jewelry and books.
I only collect regrets and grudges.
I guess I used to collect CDs – I have five or six thousand of them – but I don’t really consider that a collection in the same vein as say, porcelain clowns or some shit like that. CDs have a use and don’t just sit around gathering dust. Although most of mine seem to be sitting around gathering dust 🙁
I start a new collection of empty beer bottles every week and I also collect belly fat. There might be a connection.
I used to collect ex-girlfriends and they all had the same first name and they all now hate me. I’m sure that is some kind of neurosis. I have a small collection of rejection notices. Sheesh…I’m just now seeing a pattern after all these years.
This one goes to eleven.
I’m with Limey – I have tons of CDs, comics and books, but I don’t think of them as collectables, since they are functional and I don’t search out items that are worth money. I guess I collect pint glasses with designs from beers/bars I like, and I unwittingly have a large collection of hockey jerseys.
I collect delicate little fairy and unicorn figurines. Sometimes I make little stories and put my little friends in all sorts of harrowing situations. It’s fun to imagine their tales of bravery. They know I love them. I really do. They’re never mean to me or call me names like the dirty meanies…always calling me fag or tard or fatty. I wish I could live with them in their world.
What?
I collect Hallmark ornaments, but that’s kinda slowed down over the past few years. I mean, I have enough to decorate 5 trees, but we only do one….so….
You can probably get thru your show in an hour or less if you skip the “promo” intros and outros. You know, “Coming up after the break…” if they do that sort of thing on Lost. I don’t know. I’ve never seen it.
Concerts:
Monkees – once
Paul McCartney – once
Primus – once
Widespread Panic – once
Moe. – 2 times
Keller Williams – 3 times
Disco Biscuits – 4 times
Particle – 4 times
Phish – 5 times (and again on June 11 & August 15/16)
Dave Matthews Band – 7 times
And things I collect…nothing. I have no particular treasure of any kind that I enjoy hoarding…wait, I take that back…I love buying chapstick and lip gloss. You can never have enough of that crap.
Oh yeah…number 15! Haven’t been in the top in awhile.
Senor Kay,
I was so disturbed by the first part of your post that I didn’t read the last part, I must admit.
What’s with you and your aversion to medicine? Are you hyper-sensetive to drugs? I must admit, I used to have the same problem. I’d take an asprin and before you knew it I was hitting on every fat chick in the bar. “Excuse me, Miss, could I interest you in a penis?” But now I’ve grown up. Now days I put the drugs in my ass. Works a lot better. And I haven’t had a fat chick in more than two weeks.
Now I’m back to whatever you wrote. Hope it’s good.
Oh, I just remembered something…when I was 13/14 was a Monkees freak (this was 1997 mind you, I was a little off on the era)…I collected Monkees memorabilia…I had a box set, a Mike Nesmith wool hat, I was short 2 cd’s, had every episode on tape, shirts, posters, books, pictures, and my whole collection was topped off by a rose thrown to me by Davy Jones when I went to the concert in 98′.
I collected Beatles stuff too, which I eventually gave to my dad who then used the 20 or so posters I had, and figurines and what not, to turn his garage into a bitchin’ man cave.
I moved out of my parents house, but all my Monkees stuff is still safe and sound somewhere at their house.
I would wear one of those double-breasted tuques in the Winter. Maybe.
Brittney: When I was but a wee thing in the 70s I was Team Davy Jones, probably because he was close to my height. But in my teens I switched up to Peter Tork, aka The Only One Who Could Play an Instrument or The Poor Man’s Ringo.
I’ve only repeated one group . . . The Wiggles (been twice). I’ve never truly grown up so I rather enjoy the show. The only thing I’ve collected is books and that’s not really collecting since I read them all and, recently, I’ve even started getting rid of some. Just gave away 250 to a friend’s mother who owns a used book store. My current apt. is so small I have no room for everything so something has to go. It is either the books or the six year old or the dog.
O come on Jeff, I can’t believe you gave your son a hard time over a scool dance. Besides, I don’t remember you boys doing much dancing at DJS dances.
Collections, I collect unpaid past due notice. Hoping to wallpaper a room some day, lol!!
Haven’t been to any gigs recently but have definitely seen Pixies more than once over the years …
I used to collect watering cans – the ones made of china or pottery! I still have a few hanging around the place but the rest are stored away in a box, hidden away under the stairs …
I collect dust bunnies. I also have a roll of uncirculated state quarters from each state from both the Denver and Philly mint. Doesn’t look like that investement is going to payoff anytime soon. You wouldn’t believe how heavy 100 rolls of quarters are.
Please don’t write about Lost. I still haven’t managed to watch season 5 yet. I think I may wait until season 6 is on DVD and watch the two seasons together. Maybe take a week off work and watch all 6 seasons uninterrupted.
I’ve been to very few concerts and don’t think I’ve seen anybody twice.
Oh, and I’m blaming you t-storm for the Reds loss yesterday. I think you getting a free ticket was bad luck for them!
I just started looking at my twitter account and it looks like avoiding talk about Lost is going to be tough, may have to go off the “grid” for a few days.
Been to a lot of concerts but my repeats are:
Van Halen- 3 times
Ozzy- 3 times
Page and Plant- 2 times
I collect Flattop beer cans from the 1930’s-1960’s. You know your wife really loves you when she doesn’t mind a shelf full of partially rusted beers cans on display in a spare bedroom.
Should we be expecting a formal review of the new Chick-Fil-A Spicy chicken sandwich this evening? Sign up for a free one here:
http://www.getspicychicken.com/
I may be back with an amateur review later.
I can’t take allergy medicine, not cause I don’t trust it, it just puts me in a coma. Half a benadryl and I will wander around like a drunk person for half an hour then pass out and sleep for 12. Makes no sense, does it do that to everyone?
No real repeats except for Steve Miller Band 3 times couple of festivals, Rodney Carrington the comedian 5 or 6 times (its fuzzy) & Bob Segar twice.
i collect antique mortars and pestles. started with a gift from my chinese roommate back in pharmacy school.
btw most of the newer antihistamines have little or no sedative effects (ask your pharmacist) benadryl is the WORST as far as putting you to sleep for hours. in fact, it is an ingredient in a lot of over the counter sleep medications. however, if it is used for a long period of time, the effect will reverse itself and you will get a sort of unpleasant jittery feeling. i know firsthand of what i speak!
I collect miniature brass shoe ashtrays…miniature old-school toys (like cow in a can; a personal favorite)…miniature wooden boxes…pretty much anything small and useful.
The bunker cam is especially disturbing today.
I collect alter buoys… A little nautical humor there..
Gretchen: I actually started liking the Monkees because I accidently stumbled upon the TV show one summer day and fell in love with Peter…and that’s where my Monkees obbsession blossomed. Then I liked Micky Dolenz…then I soon became a Mike Nesmith addict and even started wearing the green wool hat to school. I got some weird looks from kids in middle school, but I didn’t care. I was a dork and proud of it.
Uhhh…yeah what’s up with the bunker cam pic? Kinda gives a whole new meaning to ‘bag lady’.
juancho – You can have my regrets but you’ll have to pay for my grudges. They don’t come easy.
I collect twisty ties. I have for years. I am passionate about my twisty tie collection.
“There’s nothing on top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds. You see a lot up there, but don’t be scared. Who needs action when you’ve got words”
…and the big question on my mind! Is t-storm/Brittney this years Shinyrod/Brynhildr match up?
I collect Rolling Stones Memorabilia.
And matches from restaurants (those that still give out matches).
I’m starting to get into collecting flasks, too. They amaze me.
I guess my only repeat concert was Jimmy Buffet. Went to quite a few when I was younger, but had to stop because I got old. And so did Jimmy. So Jimmy, please stop. I’m beggin’ ya…
I think so…I didn’t even realize what an obsessive commentater I was until just recently. I was embarrassed and proud at the same time.
Well shit, I sit in an office all day bored outta my mind, this is my new facebook.
So how did the library know you where there Jeff? Is Scranton the epicenter of library theft that you need to sign in? Chatting up the librarians maybe? Hmmm?? =-)
Nothing will probably come of the call, everybody like you deked out and didn’t see enough to be of any use to the cops.
I collect glass insulators (those things atop telephone poles and along railroad lines).
I also tend to accumulate service manuals and parts catalogs. Old tools are always welcome. My goto ratchet is a 1957 manufactured snap-on. Say what you want about modern ergonomics, old ratchets just feel better in your hand.
Love those Meat Pups, LHR.
Brittney
There was recently an action on Ebay for an authentic Davy Jones X-ray.
Collected Silver Dollars for about 10 years. Sold ’em in 2007 and bought a new car. Collected stamps when I was about 10 and picked up the hobby again about 5 years ago. It’s since gotten out of hand….
Dorothy- No wonder I felt an immediate connection to you. You are a pharmacist that just makes me all warm inside. LOL
I collect Ex boyfriends.
Parts of in your freezer?
NO I just have a vast collection of ex boyfriends. I answer phones all day where I work typically talking to men. I play a game when I file claims and try to find men who have names of men i have not dated. it is rare. How sad eh?
I collect art deco & nouveau stuff and green pottery (Weller, McCoy, etc.). I started the pottery from pieces we found in our basement. I like anything earlier-mid-century, too. We’ve also got a thing for vintage globes.
Brittney – So did I until I looked up and saw a big 400 by my name. It’s not a bad thing though. People can perceive what they want but I like to talk about things. I can talk to groups of people or even multitask different topics but I clam up like a cold fish one on one. I am getting better at it though.
I collect calories. Those little fuckers are everywhere, and they’re difficult to get rid of!
I also collect memories. Lately some of the archived information (usually a specific name) is subject to a 30-60 second retrieval delay, but the system’s still in generally good working order.
Oh, and I also collect too-small old clothes. Those take up half of my closet.
Sad, indeed.