A Quick Update from the Box Company
Just wondering… Do you ever feel like John Locke, during the box company years? ‘Cause I do, on a semi-regular basis. Plus, my left eye hurts. Just thought you’d want to know.
And before we get started on this one… A few weeks ago Metten told me about a health scare he’s living through. It’s a personal thing, and not something I’d ever divulge without his blessing. But he’s written about it today at Mockable, in his customary style.
I hope you’ll read it, and send him your best wishes, etc. I’m sure it’s just a scare, but as is their nature… scares are scary. And we Surf Reporters need to stick together. It takes a village, pass the beer nuts.
Thank you in advance.
I’m waiting on an important phone call/email, and I’m not very accomplished at the art of waiting. I’m really not. In fact, it makes me crazy. Not shit-my-straitjacket crazy, but in that neighborhood. Ring, bitch!
And speaking of the phone I just called a bitch, I’m very eager to get rid of it. It’s a first generation LG eNV, and the thing isn’t very good. I hear the new ones are much better (third generation already), but the first version had some problems.
My two-year Verizon contract ends in March (I think), and I’ll get a $100 credit toward a new phone at that point. Or, I can upgrade now, for a $50 credit.
Toney says I need to wait, but as stated above… it’s not my strong suit.
Stupid Verizon. They prey on guys like me. They lean way back in their leather chair, take a puff off their expensive cigar, and enjoy a hearty laugh at my expense. The entire corporation, I mean, figuratively speaking or something.
I wish I could get an iPhone, but it would complicate my life too much to switch to AT&T. Lotsa family members use Verizon, so we can talk for free, etc. I know there are rumors about iPhone coming to Verizon in 2011, but I sure as hell can’t wait that long. I’m going to have trouble getting to December.
And now if you’ll excuse me for a few minutes, I’m going upstairs to eat a Marlene Colander sweet and sour chicken dinner….
OK, I’m back. A person I know (purposely vague) sometimes comes in contact with a woman who receives government checks, because her husband offed himself a few years back. I guess they had a couple of young kids, and there’s nothing funny about any of that.
However, the woman manages to work the suicide into EVERY conversation. If someone mentions watching an episode of Friends the previous evening, for instance, she’ll say something like, “Since my husband’s suicide, I don’t have time to watch TV.”
Everybody feels bad about the situation, but they’re starting to turn on her. This person I know (ahem) showed me a text message she received from someone sitting across the table from her and the suicide lady, during a recent lunch.
It said, “If this woman doesn’t shut up, I’m going to hang myself.”
She also refers to the checks she receives as “another gift from good ol’ Uncle Sugar.” WTF? What does that even mean? The suicide lady has burned up all the goodwill she had in the bank, and is now running a deficit. Have you ever known someone like this?
It’s like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode come to life.
And I’ll leave you now with a Question that occurred to me while I was collecting our mail from the box this morning. Mixed in with the usual bills and crapola were loads of advertisements and catalogs, and what’s commonly known as junk mail.
Everybody says they hate junk mail, but why? What’s so horrible about it? Some of it’s kind of interesting, or at least amusing. And if you don’t like it, flick it in the trash. It takes roughly half a second out of your life. Sheesh.
So, that’s the Question: What things that are constantly bitched about do you secretly enjoy?
A few off the top of my head: junk mail, airplane food (it’s not that bad), and “Christmas is so commercial now” (oh, blow it out your ass with that old dried-up husk of a cliche). I also enjoy the smell of skunk, while driving.
And now it’s your turn. Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
…Ring, faggot!
Filed under: Daily
I make me sick!
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The first? Boobies
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Hoowhaa!
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Going into a Staples store isn’t really that bad…
No, Actually it is
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I hate junk mail but only because I’m too lazy to carry it the extra 6′ and toss it in the trash.
I feel your pain on waiting. Phone calls, e-mails and especially when someone tells you they will pick you up at a certain time and you’re stuck waiting at home wondering when they’ll show up.
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Columbus Day has become much too commercial for me
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Oh and ditto on the John Locke thingamabob.
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The suicide lady? Reminds me of my boss and her divorce. Shut up already! Nobody gives a shit!
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
The Suicide lady is just like Debbie Downer except the offing of her husband is the only theme.
Probably one way to get her to STFU is next time she mentions it, just say “Yeah, after listening to you, I can see why he killed himself .”
Too harsh?
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If it weren’t for junk mail, the only contact with the outside world I’d have would be the voices in my head.
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things most people don’t like that I secretly do:
I secretly enjoy the smell of my own farts. My wife begs to differ.
I secretly enjoy the “Star Spangled Banner” before a sporting event.
I secretly like to listen to Hall and Oates….just joking again, God that never gets old.
I secretly love the taste of Robitussin.
I secretly like the smell of onions. If they made a car freshener that smelled like onions, I would buy it.
I secretly like the stories of the Bible, whether people believe they are true or not. They’re good stories, that would make a good movie starring Tom Green.
I secretly like nasal spray and the burning sensation it makes once it enters your nasal cavities.
I sevretly like the burn of rubbing alcohol on a fresh cut.
My IPOD redlined today, due to lack of charge. I really hate working without my IPOD.
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Gotta clarify one thing- COOKED onions, not raw.
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Today in Charleston:
Three jailed in failed Krogers robbery attempt
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I love super giant “shut the whole damn state down” snows along with power outages, etc…
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hiya
I like washing our dishes by hand. I don’t always have the time to do it, but it makes my hands feel good being in the hot water and I like the satisfaction of seeing it all done.
AWG – Star Spangled Banner – sing it loud and proud!! I’m right there with you.
now I’m going to go check on Metten – be back later, y’all
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Love the smell of sulphur and driving skunk. Also love the taste of Pepto Bismol…like bubble gum!
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I love to go to the chiropractor and get twisted and hear my bones crunch and pop, especially my neck. It feels so good after, all loosened up.
Skully, I also like huge snowstorms. Also like to drive around in heavy snow (have a decent 4 wheel drive).
Also like super hot, spicy food, Thai and Indian. I tell the lady at the Thai restaurant “blow my fucking head off.” And she does.
I am at work and hope the phone does not ring for the remainder of the day.
Don’t ring, bitch. Ring Jeff’s.
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AWG: So glad you clarified the onion thing. Cuz raw onions smell like BO…unless you secretly like the smell of hummin’ pits! ha….
Let’s see…what’s constantly bitched about and I secretly enjoy?
1. Bum lovin…
2. The “money shot”
But I still bitch about it. I may be cheap, but I ain’t easy.
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I do hate junk mail but only because it’s such a waste. I’m no flaming lib but I don’t like waste for wastes sake. Junk mail is there, and unoccupied govt vehicles left idling really pisses me off.
Things I like that others hate? That’s a good one. I know there are some but I can’t think of it.
My contract is up on May 13th and I might be leaning toward a droid.
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Don’t mind:
Folding laundry.
Grocery shopping.
Bus fumes
Our judicial system
MaryJane (candy)
Working late at night
And folks – do go read Mockable. Somehow – it’s hilarious.
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I don’t understand people who get so pissed at wal-mart or the yankees. I don’t really like either, but they figured out a business model that works, go America.
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I just got the new “Touch” phone from T-Mobile and love it. It is like the I-phone. I was on AT&T and switched to T-Mobile. Got a 13% discount every month for having AAA also. My wife had T-Mobile and we went on a family plan to save even more money. Consumer reports gave the “touch” a best buy rating right next to the I-Phone 3Gig. I am a happy boy now after a shitty OLD cell phone for way to much money. Yay…
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I’m with others on liking:
The (Canadian) National Anthem at sporting events.
Going to the chiropractor.
Shut the city down snowfalls.
Super spicy food.
Washing dishes by hand.
Winter driving (Mustang GT!)
Bum lovin’ and the money shot (give not receive)
I like when my winter jacket smells like two-stroke exhaust (snowmobile)
I enjoy the smell of cow manure, while driving (spent 2 weeks on a dairy farm every summer as a kid)
I love driving a powerful, loud, gas guzzling automobile.
I like the taste of Buckley’s.
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The Qweezy Mark used to “complain” everytime an International Male catalogue would come to the mailbox in his name.
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I like both anthems at sporting events (I mostly only watch hockey, so I get both).
I also love liverwurst.
Crossing my fingers for Metten over here.
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I bet he didn’t kill himself and he’s just hiding somewhere. Anything to get away from her. The shit this guy had to go through living with someone like that!? He probably had to hear everyday how the voting for ‘Prom Queen’ was rigged. I’d play dead too.
Ditto on the skunk smell…one less bullet I gotta use
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Definitely check out the droid on Verizon. Not quite iPhone level yet, but it’ll catch up (and possibly surpass) the iPhone by the time your next contract is up.
Also, Verizon might let you upgrade early (my wife just got something in the mail today) if you call and bitch enough. That’s how I got out of my Verizon early termination fee.
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Lemme see….I think I hate the things everyone else hates AND I hate the things that nobody hates!
I do loves me my iPhone. I loathe AT&T but my iPhone is the only reason I’d even consider dealing with them.
“Real” junk mail is interesting. Email junk not so much.
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Jeff, I hear ya on the cell phone thing. Mine has a cracked screen and has bad static in the earpiece and I’m leaning towards just shelling out the money for a new one instead of waiting for the end of the plan to get the credit for a new one. I actually like my phone but it’s been discontinued so I can’t get the same model.
I like doing dishes which a lot of people bitch about (especially when they’re not your dishes that you’re washing but instead are the significant other/kids/lousy houseguests). My house might be a wreck, but the sink is empty about 90% of the time.
I just bought a case of cheap American lager-piss in cans, and 3 of the fuckers were suspiciously 7/8ths full judging by the lack of structural integrity of the can and their weight compared to the other cans. Upon opening them, they were flat. I’m suspecting pinhole damage to the cans but drinking them anyway. Waste not, get wasted. Cheers!
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Oh yeah: on the stereo: “30 Grams to Life” — Candy Snatchers. R.I.P. Matthew Odeitus
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Jeff, consider the Driod phone at Verizon. I wanted the iPhone but knew that AT&T”s service sucked outside a major city so I held out till this one. It has a interface like an iPhone, obviously there are some differences, but still all of the cool touch screen effects plus built in Google Beta voice guided navagation. And its helped by Google maps with it’s streetview. If that shit ain”t cool enough, you can do a voice activated Google search. If tech like voice recognition don”t give you a techno chubby, I damn sure don’t know what will. Check it out online at Youtube.
Later
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fuck junk mail, walmart, the commercialization of christmas, phone companies and the government.
things I like that no one else does:
candy corn
Sarah Palin
mincemeat pie
anal sex
and who the hell is John Locke?
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Pepto Bismol tastes like ‘Ralgex’, not bubblegum, and raw onions smell like, onions.
(I remember that good Afghani Black used to smell like dirty rabbit hutches. Nice.)
I like not having a touch phone, I’ve stuck with my
Sony Erikson W850i – its got a torch and a guitar tuner on it. ’nuff said.
(I don’t get lost that often either, so navigation and stuff is wasted on me!)
Sometimes I enjoy not getting a signal on my phone.
I too enjoy ‘real’ snow, but we don’t see much of it here nowadays. (hopefully I’ve tempted fate with that last sentence!)
I secretly think that the 80′s was a good decade for music and shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand becuase its cool to do so.
I also secretly like it in the summer when people say its ‘too hot’.
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I have an acquaintance that’ll bring up in EVERY conversation: “When I had my aneurysm….”
I secretly like it when the work phones and internet dies during working hours.
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AWG and Pagan might want to check this article;
‘IS THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA TURNING YOUR KID CHRISTIAN?’
http://kearse.blogspot.com/2005/12/is-chronicles-of-narnia-turning-your.html
(Read the last sentence first, then if you like the tone, start from the top!)
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People need time to grieve and then so move on. I had this friend (why, I’m not sure) that refered to her ex-husband who left her as the reason for every problem in her life, we’re talking 8 years after the fact. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE! Last time I heard she was sleeping with a married guy, some kinda self destructive revenge I guess – HO! No longer keep in touch with her – what a loser.
I hate junk mail because it wastes paper.
People bitching makes me start to bitch about having to listen to people bitch – guess that makes me a hypocrite.
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I’ve had the friend who’s life is a mess but none of it is their fault. I don’t keep friends like that long. They usually get tired of me telling them what they don’t want to hear.
One girl had this guy she dated forever, then he left her, then he married someone 10 yrs younger who cheated on him, then he was getting back with my friend, and then he jumped off a bridge.
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I secretly dislike people who complain about their phones. Oops; the secret’s out….
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As the AT&T employee of the bunch, I can tell you that i LOVE
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Lee Harvey – hilarious.
T-storm -agreed. Those are the people I am talking about, we all have things happen that are disfortunate but many can’t see past that. I hate the ‘poor me society’ in North America. Except for those who truly suffer.
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awww frick….I meant to say LOVE my iphone, but I’ll be the first to tell you our service is…well, lackluster. The Iphone is a great piece of equipment, but Verizon makes a lot of good models too…the EnV Touch is a good one, we’ve had a lot of people like the Dare or the Boulder, if you’re into tough phones. Phonescoop.com is a good site to hit if you’re going shopping soon for phones, as it is real world user reviews and insider info. And as for a few things I enjoy that everyone else hates: Liver and Onions, State-stopping snowstorms, driving in DEEP snow, and for some odd reason, the smell of gunpowder always makes me happy…even if it does smell like burning something that shouldn’t be burned.
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I love junk mail. But then, I happen to be an electronic technician at the post office. It’s MY JOB. So if you want to help out a fellow Surf Reporter, get all the junk mail (known in the business as Bulk Business Mail, BTW) you can get.
I love the smell of skunk on a cold winter night, but any time of year is really OK.
Love cooked onions.
Love my wife’s apple crisp (one in the kitchen waiting for me as I type)
Can’t part with my LG8350 till I find something else that can withstand a fall FROM THE ROOF and still make a call (co-worker dropped his brand new IPhone out of his shirt pocket and cracked the screen
Hate this stupid Trojan (SPM/LX) my laptop picked up that’s giving me fits trying to get rid of it. But the fact my anti-virus/anti-spyware software hasn’t been updated since 2006 may have something to do with this problem.
Hate the useless assholes at work that use the union as an excuse to show up and do as little as possible (and I’m a union officer, but I’ve made it clear I won’t fight for someone who deserves getting their ass in a sling for being a useless POS)
Hate having to go to work, but now it’s time to leave. At least it’s my friday.
Remember, fellow Surf Reporters, if you can get more junk mail, get it for my sake. And Thank You for your efforts in that regard. Now, off to the mail farm.
Good Luck Metten, hope everything works out OK.
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Thanks, Ian, that was some funny shit. Good idea to read the last sentence first, or I would have thought it was some serious propaganda. (Well, except for the writer heading picture thing at the top)
On IPOD right now- “March of the Pigs”- Nine Inch Nails
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J.K. You need to learn t embrace waiting. I was standing in line at the DMV (no suprise there) some years back getting completely stressed, when I suddenly realized that getting worked up about waiting did absolutly no good. I mean besides woking 2 and 3 jobs, trying to maintain a house, wife and grandaughter, and taking care of dozens of pets I had no time to rest. SO, now when I’m standing on line or waiting on the phone (god I hate the on hold music) I take time to rest. And not only that, since life is going by at breakneck speed, waiting makes time go by a little slower.
Works for me.
Junk mail’s a pain in the ass. Since the post office is supposedly in such trouble (and Uncle Sugar wants to take over healthcare?!?!?!?) maybe they should charge first class postage on all that shit.
Oh and I can’t stand lazy people at work. Home is for lazy.
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“It’s like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode come to life.”
Heh, awesome. It sounds like you have a month-long curb-your-enthusiasm episode coming in the form of Sunshine and Mumbles. If I fly my ass out there, can I stay with you for a week to witness the situation first hand? Now THAT sounds like fun. For me.
I’ve had some pretty good airplane food, but only on an international flight. I don’t remember the last time I had any food to speak of on a domestic flight, probably because I ride back in the cattle section with the unwashed masses. An as long as I keep paying for my own flights, it will certainly remain that way.
D
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1st class airplane food is actually very good! I had it a few times back when mr. kenju was traveling a lot and had frequent flyer miles. Those days are long gone, unfortunately.
I don’t mind the skunk smell either.
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Oh yeah… I loved the 80′s too. The hair and the clothes were a little silly, but what decade doesn’t have some ridiculous fashion/hair trend the should never have stepped off the runway or have been worn by “real” people? Loved the music too. That’s when MTV actually played video’s all day, everyday, instead of some of the dumb shit they have on now.
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Doesn’t Verizon have the Droid (which is their version of the iPhone) now out?
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I sucked it up & got the Blackberry Storm from Verizon. I….. Love….. This….. Phone……
A guy at work has one of the early androids, and it blows hard. I suspect the new version is vastly superior, but haven’t gotten my hands on one yet. I will probably see a lot in the next month or so, when the company forces everyone off of any provider besides Verizon or AT&T. It’ll suck getting people moved at the beginning, but it’ll make the cell support portion of my job much easier. Just because I’m in the IT department doesn’t mean I know EVERY DETAIL about EVERY PHONE IN EXISTENCE……
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Jeff get the new Verizon Droid. I was unwilling to switch to AT&T to get an iPhone and have had an upgrade available since July. I am very glad I waited. The Droid is excellent. While, it doesn’t have as many apps as iPhone it has plenty. And the Google Maps navigation is awesome. My Garmin went in the glove box and has been replaced by my phone. I can also track my blood sugar, make grocery lists, listen to music, take pics and video, know what the weather is, get my google email and my work email, Facebook, Twiter, check the forums for my job, watch movies, see the weather well you get the idea! It runs multiple aps at once and well its a pretty good phone as well!
Maybe Santa will bring you one.
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Gotta agree with “Alice in WV” i like washing dishes sometimes too. BUT they inevitably end up sitting in the drying rack until i use them again cause i cant stand putting them away.
I find car washing/waxing to be pretty relaxing also…i just zone out and do my thing. its great.
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I like the smell of skunk. Get super turned on from a wiff of welding smoke on my boy. But can not stand the smell of a diesel truck running. Gag Gag Gag.
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