Here are some of my comments, completely without context:
Who’s that cigar-chomping lesbian in the sailor suit? I wasn’t aware of that particular branch of the family tree.
What’s the story with that shack on sticks? And did they not have Windex back then?
Drucilla? She looks like somebody you wouldn’t want to trifle with. Holy hell.
What’s that medal on that kid’s chest? Something from the Pabst Brewing Company, thanking him in advance?
Are both of Mom’s shoulders out of socket in this photo, or is it just the way she’s standing?
In any case… the photo above is my grandmother, sitting on the railing of a bridge somewhere. I don’t know what was going on that day, but don’t care for it. It makes me nervous, although I’m reasonably sure she didn’t fall. Yikes! And to think… she used to tell me not to run in the house, because it was too dangerous. I wish I’d known about these daredevil shenanigans at the time!
And speaking of that, I DID fall down one day while ignoring her orders, and cracked my head open. I was in kindergarten, and so far it’s the only time I’ve been rushed to the hospital in my life. They shaved part of my head, and sewed that shit up. I was completely terrified.
Afterward, they wrapped my head, like I’d had brain surgery, and I remember watching TV that night with my dad. My mother had to go somewhere — my aunt’s high school graduation? — and my dad let me eat dinner in front of the television. The regular rules were relaxed, on account of the head trauma, and we watched Tarzan and possibly Daktari. I think carrot sticks were part of the meal. Weird that I can remember so much of it… I was five years old.
My grandparents took care of me that day, until my mother arrived and drove me to the emergency room. I was screaming bloody murder, and begging not to go. My grandmother kept looking at the gash in my head, and saying, “They’re going to need to put a clamp on that.” A clamp?! What the crap?? I was flipping the hell out, but was taken to the hospital anyway.
The nurse who shaved my head removed the blade from the green plastic razor, and let me keep it as a souvenir. I probably still have it in the basement somewhere. It was a dark, dark day for your corpulent correspondent…
Anyway, I’m way off the original subject, and have run out of time. I need to go to work for a few hours (I said that last Thursday, and ended up being there until 2 a.m.). I’ll just let you guys take it from here.
In the comments section, please tell us about the times you had to go to the hospital as a kid, due to dumbassery, and possibly after uttering the phrase, “Watch this!” Do you have any tales along those lines? Please share.
Also, what are your earliest memories? I can remember bits and pieces from when I was three years old, but that visit to the emergency room, and the aftermath, is probably my most detailed earliest memory. I can even remember where I was sitting on the couch, while watching Tarzan. Lots and lots of tiny details…
Finally, what’s the most unusual or bizarre photo from your family album? Please describe it for us.
And I need to go now. This is a super-quickie, but hopefully not too painful. Maybe you guys can salvage it for me? I’d be much obliged.
See ya next time!