One time I saw him in an alley near the school with some breathtakingly ugly girl, and she had her right hand down the front of his underwear (his pants were fully unzipped), just going to town like she was churnin’ butter. In broad daylight, beside a crate of rotting cabbage!
While I was writing that paragraph, I couldn’t decide between “like she was churnin’ butter” and “like she was rolling down a car window.” I went with the butter, but have a nagging concern that I didn’t choose wisely. And, believe it or not, this is the kind of thing that can bug me for several days.
So, which is better? Did I make the right choice? Or is rolling down a window funnier? Thank you for your feedback on this important matter.
I voted today, got a haircut, had lunch at Wendy’s (number 1 with cheese, no pickles and a Coke), and bought a case of the golden elixir for the outrageous price of $18.70. What the heck, man? It’s always $16.94. Always! Brother… I’m starting to get all whipped up!!
So anyway, I wouldn’t expect this update to be very lengthy, if I were you. When I was in Atlanta I heard a radio interview of a long-time rock ‘n’ roll groupie, and she was talking about the penis sizes of well-known performers. And this update is probably going to skew a bit toward Paul Simon, and away from Huey Lewis, if you know what I mean.
Did you vote today? How’d it go? Was there a crowd, or was it just you and a couple of WW1 veterans? Also, what voting method did you use?
They had me put my signature beside my name in a book, then handed me an enormous sheet of paper the size of a menu at a fancy-pants restaurant. At the top you could choose to vote a straight ticket by party, and there were four individual races underneath, including governor and U.S. Senate. And that’s it. No weird referendums, or anything.
I made my choices, and was instructed to feed my big ol’ ballot into a machine that looked like a copier. You feed it in, and it confirms that your votes were recorded. A few folks in front of me got a NO message, and had to go back to the drawing board. Which is pretty amazing, since all you have to do is color in a circle… I wonder how some people manage to wipe themselves, I really do.
And finally, while I was in Wendy’s I came up with a new name for my future alternative rock band that will never actually exist. For years it was the Lint Donkeys, but I think I’m prepared to change it to Vaginal Cough Drop. Or maybe that would work better as the name of our first album? I guess I need to give it some more thought…
What will be the name of your future band that will never exist? I think everybody has a couple stored away, so tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And I’m going to get ready for work now.
Have a great day, boys and girls.