Comments on: A Golfing Fiasco and Tales of Frantic Urination

By: Laserboy

Laserboy — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:15:14 +0000

Years ago we were waiting to get into a Grateful Dead show at Hampton Coliseum during which time we drank a ridiculous volume of cheap beer. Needless to say we had to relieve ourselves long before the doors opened so we lined up along a fence and started to have the second most satisfying time you can possibly have. Well along comes John Law and plants himself at the end of the line. He didn’t say anything to anybody at first. He just stood there. Seconds later another guy with an over-full beer reservoir started to unzip and the cop sez to him “Sorry son but you can’t urinate here.” the guy sez “Why not. They’re all doing it.” to which the cop replied “They already had their tools out”

At yet another show at the same venue I stood in line at the men’s room for what seemed like an eternity only to find out that it was a line to pee in the trash can. Must’ve had 30 gallons in it.

I was at a wine festival waiting to use the port-a-john when this fellow came out and started talking about how nice these particular out-houses were. Wide seats, double rolls of paper and a little sink. Sink? and then he says that the blue soap smelled real good but it didn’t lather up much and there weren’t any paper towels. Glad I didn’t shake his hand when he offered!

By the way other than Putt-Putt I’ve only playe golf once. I can’t afford to by that many balls.

By: Limey

Limey — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:15:27 +0000

Pagan my old mucker, there was piece in the Torygraph a few years back on unusual Laws and that was one mentioned. Peeing on ‘Ackney Carriages was in there too.

By: Nocterna_Lerna

Nocterna_Lerna — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:39:52 +0000

I am known for having a bladder the size of a pea (pee?) A friend of mine and I were going to a concert in San Antonio (we live in Austin) which is roughly a 70 mile drive. For some reason I thought it would be a great idea to start the party early and polish off a bottle (or was it box?) of wine and get in the car (needless to say I was not the driver)

On the way there we hit terrible construction traffic (I-35) and were at a virtual standstill. I was desperate. I jumped out of my friends truck and went to the side of I-35 behind some tallish grass and squatted. His truck had barely moved due to traffic so I didn’t have to worry about him leaving without me. That grass was not that tall so I am sure some drivers saw my display. But I don’t care! I watered the I-35 shoulder grass with my boxed wine pee

By: Alice in WV

Alice in WV — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:13:11 +0000

@Shazza – glad you finally spoke up! and with such a perfect story, too.

By: Taiwan On

Taiwan On — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:46:04 +0000

Wow. Try to get a Surf Reporter to comment on something interesting and all you get is chatter. Post a story about bodily discharge issues, and they come out of the woodwork with pee/pooh stories that rival War and Peace.

And Jeff, don’t try to tell me the your number one story and Metten’s number two story were not synchronized. Both hilarious however.

I have had both pee and pooh issues (being ancient as hell and all), but the funniest was on a golf course (seems to be a common theme). We were playing in the Monday night golf league, and a buddy of mine was having intenstinal issues. Round about the fifth hole, he just excused himself, disconnected the golf-club-cleaning towel that all golfers attach to their golf bag for golf club cleaning, and hightailed it into the woods. Evidently, the issues were resolved, but my buddy had to finish the round without his towel.

I guess an emergency loaf-pinch trumps keeping your four iron clean.