The older boy was involved in a fairly serious car crash a few days ago. He’s fine, thankfully, and the asshole who hit him is fine as well. But my old Camry, which the boy was driving, is completely and thoroughly fucked. That thing is destined for the crusher. Or as they call it down South… the masher. Oh well. The boy didn’t get hurt, and that’s the important part. We’ll just let our friends at State Farm sort the rest of it out.
Somehow, I’ve never really been involved in a serious crash. I was once a passenger in a car being driven by a square-headed sumbitch who ran into a telephone pole at a low rate of speed. I think he was fiddling with the radio and went straight off the road and into a pole. But it was minor. The boy said he was hit with such force the other day the front end of his car went airborne briefly, and he was spun around multiple times. That’s not something I’ve experienced, which is fine by me.
What about you? Were you ever involved in a serious crash? I think most people have. At least it feels that way. Tell us about it, won’t you?
Speaking of cars, we took my ludicrous little wind-up Suzuki in for its annual inspection a few days ago, and they came back with a list o’ things that needed to be done. About $700 worth. Believing they were attempting to rip us off, I told them to just fail it and I’d take it home. Then we took it somewhere else and they came back with a very similar list. I immediately wondered if there was some kind of centralized rip-off database where these pirates can log their attempted rip-offs to facilitate future rip-offs by other pirates. Is that paranoid?
In any case, we paid the ransom and I’m back in business for a year. That thing takes a beating, and so far it’s been 100% reliable. I don’t like it, it’s uncomfortable and the whole idea of it just rubs me the wrong way. But it’s great in snow (it’s snowing again right now, btw), and gets decent gas mileage. So, I guess it’s served its purpose. I just don’t like it. Ya know?
And speaking of hemorrhaging money… we locked in on the September trip to Las Vegas: non-refundable airfare that wasn’t cheap. We haven’t booked a hotel yet, but dropped about $700 on the flights. So, there’s no backing out. That’s two no-backing-out trips booked this year. We didn’t go anywhere for ten years, now this? It all makes me a little nervous. But we’ll see. All four of us are going to the beach in May, and just Toney and I are going to Vegas in September. I’d also like to catch a Red vs. Pirates game this summer in Pittsburgh. And we have a night in Atlantic City booked in April. That’s gonna be nothing but eating and drinking and staring at the medical waste washing up on the beach. This is all going to blow up in our faces… Good God.
My brother received one of those questionable DNA kits for Christmas and finally received the results back. It took him several weeks to send in his “sample.” I was encouraging him to pretend to misunderstand the directions and send them a stool sample. Or maybe a sperm sample. But he did it the way they suggested, and here’s what came back:
Irish, Scottish, Welsh 58.8%
North African 1.9%
Central Asian 1%
That’s fairly bizarre, but whatever. I want to now do the same test, and see how similar the results are. Have you ever done this? Were you satisfied with the results? Scandinavian? African?? I have no idea. I assumed we were just straight outta England, with a smattering of Italy. Apparently not. As I say, whatever.
Finally, I’d like to ask you about crazy coincidences. There were two former supervisors at my job who left at different times. They’ve both been gone for more than a year, and just recently… they bumped into each other in the lobby of a hotel in Texas. It wasn’t business travel — there was no work-related event that drew them there — they just randomly ran into each other. In Texas. I find that to be pretty wild. Right? What are the chances, as they say? It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite episodes of This American Life, which is about nothing but coincidences. Right here. I haven’t listened to it recently, but remember being blown away by some of the stories. Like, for instance, a wife showing her husband photos from a beach trip she took as a young girl. And the husband (who grew up in a different state) was in the background as a young boy. Or something very similar. I need to listen to it again. It’s crazy. So, if you have any tales of wild coincidence, please tell us about it in the comments.
And I’m calling it a day, my friends. Sorry these things are coming so erratically. But you wouldn’t believe the sustained level of chaos we endure here at Chez Kay. It wasn’t this insane when the boys were three years old.
Anyway, I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!