A Few Quick Things, vol. 147

TheSkipperThis is Day 10 of my big 18 day work marathon.  I’ve logged more than 94 hours during the first nine days.  I’m doing OK, except I want to sleep all the time.  Yesterday I didn’t get off the platform until 12:15, and today I had to marshal all my energy to get up at 11:05.  The alarm starts chirping at 9:30 sharp.

But I think I’m going to make it.  I’m starting to get cocky.  Hopefully the universe won’t strike me down for lack of respect.

The new Eels album came out Tuesday, and nobody has it in stock.  Not even Amazon.  WTF?  I’ve had a highly illegal download for weeks, compliments of my vast network of liars and backstabbers.  But I need the CD.  I have all their albums on disc, and feel compelled to continue the tradition.

The new record is a lot of fun, by the way.  It’s not one of their dark outings, it’s fairly optimistic and upbeat.  I listen to it two or three times per night, at work.

The Secrets will be accompanying me and Steve to Philly in a few weeks, to see the band in concert.  It will be their first real show.  We can’t count Weird Al and Elton John, right?  Although both of those were fun…  The Eels show will be in a club setting, with drunks and derelicts, and the whole nine yards.  It should be exciting for them.

Plus there’s this little detail:  Eels rock like a son of a bitch in concert.  It’s impossible not to have a great time.

Speaking of the Secrets…  I was at work at few nights ago (go figure), and was thinking about how everything will be different in five years.  Both of them will probably be in college, possibly living away from home.  And I started to get a little sad.

So, I sent them both a text message that said, “Love ya, buddy.”

And they became convinced I was standing on a bridge somewhere, telling them goodbye before I took the plunge.  Or something along those lines.  Toney called me, wanting to know what was going on.  “Why did you send those weird messages?” she asked.

Sheesh.  A guy can’t even give his kids an electronic hug, without being accused of having suicidal tendencies.

In September Toney and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, and have been casually trying to come up with interesting ways to celebrate.  We were thinking about maybe going to Atlanta, since that’s where we met, and were married.  We haven’t been back since 1997, which seems insane.  It’s a good option.  We could eat and drink a wide swath through that town, just like the old days.

We also talked about plunking down some dollars on a fancy-ass hotel room in NYC, and spending a few days there.  Maybe taking in a show, and that kind o’ thing…  It would be easier to accomplish, since it’s a 90 minute drive from here.

What do you think?  Any suggestions?  What have you done on your “important” anniversaries?  Anything extra-interesting?  I need guidance.

And I have to go now, back to my home away from home.  Ahhh… it’s paradise.  My nipples are exploding with delight.

If I can get my sorry ass out of bed, I’ll see you again tomorrow.

Have a great day, my friends!

Now playing in the bunker
Try Dropbox! It’s free and fantastic.

74 Responses to “A Few Quick Things, vol. 147”

  1. First?

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  2. Again? Wow!

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    I don’t think this second one counts… you can only be “first” once as I understand it.

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  3. I recently celebrated my 46th trip around the Sun by doing absolutely nothing. Never been married so…I have to rely on Dads wisdom here, if Moms happy, everybody is happy.

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  4. You love boys? Pervert.

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  5. Is there any chance of getting the audio from that “Skipper” album? It has to be a riot.

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    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    It’s a pity that it’s not a real album. I wasn’t sure at first, because I wouldn’t put it past ANYONE to put out something like that. Hell they let William Shatner put out albums. And there were others too. Check out this compilation of such abominations some time:

    http://www.allmusic.com/album/golden-throats-the-great-celebrity-sing-off!-mw0000205265

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Throats

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  6. I hate Atlanta – lived there for several years – but you goo to NY all the time, relatively speaking. You love Atlanta, go to Atlanta.

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  7. *go, haha

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  8. My sister and bro-i-law just saw Book of Mormon a few weeks ago. They loved it. Tough call. I would do the mature thing and flip a coin.

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    Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:

    Saw it a couple of years ago: frigging funny show

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  9. If you’re going to go to a city for your 20th (as opposed to a beach, a wilderness or a mountain) my recommendation is New Orleans. There are hundreds of things to do, and, if you stay in the Quarter (there are a couple of very nice hotels there) you are walking distance from good music and great food.

    However, if you can actually agree on a destination, wherever that be, you should probably go there. I wouldn’t choose Atlanta on a bad bet, but I don’t have fond memories there. If YOU do, that might be your spot.

    If you consider a beach, not much in the world beats the Oregon coast. Once you get on a plane, the difference between a two hour flight and a five hour flight is just a couple of cocktails.

    jtb

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    Jera Reply:

    The Oregon coast is great. Lots of microbrews too. The Rogue brewery has a little hotel of sorts. I found the website for it by accident last summer. If we had been traveling without kids that’s where we would have stayed. Newport is my favorite place on the coast

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    chill Reply:

    Deschutes FTW.
    .

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    Lee Harvey Ramone Reply:

    The Oregon coast is great from July through September, not so much during the storm season

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  10. Go somewhere nice; go somewhere new. DO NOT go back to some place you haven’t been in years. The changes will just bum you (and her – but especially YOU, THE GUY) out.

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    Henderson Reply:

    I so agree with that. You can go back to a place, but you can never go back to a time AND place. Every time I go back to Austin [with my wife and 2 kids], there are more roads, more traffic, more Californians and I never get to see all my old strippers and drug dealers.

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    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    I last lived in Austin, TX in 1986. I’ve wanted to go back for so many years. I’ve wondered if they still have home delivery of fajitas (it was done by “Amigo Brothers” when I lived there). But I KNOW I can’t go back. My old apartments are still there – I can see them on Google Maps. Even the rented office space that IBM put us up in is still there. But I can see it’s a rat’s nest of even more highways, streets and businesses. I just know I’ll go from nostalgia to being bummed. Best to leave it as I remember it. That works for women too.

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  11. I personally think you should invite Nancy and the gang over for a full week of celebrating. But that’s just me being selfish.

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    Seanette Reply:

    I’m sure that would be good for some great posts. We haven’t heard much from N&N or other deranged relatives lately, have we?

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    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    It HAS been a while. Here’s a blast from the past:

    http://thewvsr.com/nnn06.htm

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    M Reply:

    Oh, I totally agree! Nancy’s presence would make you appreciate Toney so much more! I’m very partial to The Dillard House in Fillard, GA. Peaceful, romantic, and great food.

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    M Reply:

    That would be Dillard, GA. Damn phone.

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  12. I’m going to Atlanta the first weekend in May. My first time back since 2001 or so other than travelling through the worm hole that is the Atlanta airport.

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  13. Jeff,
    Love ya buddy!

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  14. Funny that you would bring up the anniversary issue. I’m getting ready to propose to my girlfriend. Wish me luck.

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Oh Skippy – good luck, you big ole romantic you!

    Are we all invited to the wedding?

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    Skippy Reply:

    Without a doubt y’all are invited.

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    ron Reply:

    i hope you will always be as happy as i thought i would be.
    both times

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    Joe T. Reply:

    LOL!

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    son of sam Reply:

    same here

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    Not Oprah Reply:

    I am always truly happy for those who are married and mostly happy.

    However, I share the thoughts of Ron & Son. I got dumped very close to an anniversary. Luckily though, I learned after one try.

    If that wasn’t the case though, I think it would be somewhere new to both of us or a combination of things that we both enjoyed. I can’t think of anything that would have fulfilled that so I know it’s best that we parted.

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    bikerchick Reply:

    Details, please! Congratulations!

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    madz1962 Reply:

    yeah – details – like – will there be an open bar?

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    CADude Reply:

    Oh yeah, madz. I like the way you think!

    An open bar for this bunch. Might as well start the marriage with a $10k bar tab!

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    Melissa Reply:

    Fuck the wedding; you know we all just want to be part of the reception!
    CONGRATS, SKIPPY! And good luck!!

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    chill Reply:

    $10k bar tab? Man, you guys are a bunch of cheap dates. Or, there are a lot fewer of us than I thought.
    .

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    Skippy Reply:

    There WILL be an open bar. I know this already. I’ll give details asap.

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    madz1962 Reply:

    Details… and directions!

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  15. Thanks for the Further Evidence Amazon link. Wonder what products they are going to start suggesting for me now?

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  16. I can vouch for the magic of going back to someplace you love. So that’s why you should go to East Haddam CT in September.

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  17. NYC is overrated and overpriced.

    My wife thinks it’s great, but I hate almost everything about it. Of course, she just picks up shit to buy and I get to peel off hundred dollar bills and hand them out.

    Also, we can go to a dozen great restaurants within 30 miles of here for about $100. NYC requires $150 or more, and the food is average at best.

    I pass on NYC.

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  18. Twenty years huh? Congratulations. You’ve reached the point to where you’ve become completely useless to any other female.

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  19. Go somewhere weird, somewhere that you’ve never been. I’d pick a major city and try it. Maybe Boise or Grand Rapids, I don’t know. Me and the wife have done that lots of times and it’s always fun to see new stuff.

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  20. I must add another vote for not going to Atlanta. I don’t think Jeff and Toney of 1990′s are the J and T of 2013, so it’s a very unlikely chance that you’ll enjoy Atlanta in the same manner you did then. Also, if you DO go and end up hating it, there goes the pleasant memories from the 90′s.

    As for New York, I fear I must also oppose. The reason being that you’ve gone there plenty of times, and that fails to add a sense of uniqueness to the anniversary. Thus you would fail to appreciate the trip in the manner appropriate for the big 20th anniversary (congrats, by the way).

    I don’t have a very good view of what Toney is like, so I am unable to make actual recommended locations. I would have said the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame based on Jeff’s obsession on music, but I recall Jeff went there just last year. Is there something else that Toney AND Jeff like together, that would lead to a location? Beer, for example, like going to Coor’s original brewery, etc?

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  21. I have a big ole’ empty apartment in Tuscany that would be good for an anniversary celebration.

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  22. Atlanta – lived pretty much since I was a freshman at the North Ave trade school.
    I actually like it a lot – as they say, “A great place to live, but you wouldn’t want to visit here.” If you do decide to come back, you might be interested to know that the city has blossomed into a craft beer mecca. According to http://www.ratebeer.com/places/top-rated/, two of the top ten beer destinations (bars?) in the world are here:

    #3 The Porter (in L5P, no less) – http://www.theporterbeerbar.com/

    #8 The Brick Store – http://www.brickstorepub.com/

    They both rock. If you decide to let the local surf reporter community know when you go, you won’t be allowed to buy a single brew.

    –greg

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  23. The hubs and I will be celebrating our 20th this June as well and were thinking we would head back to the first place we lived after we got married in Charleston, SC. We haven’t been back since 96 so I’m sure things have changed but I still think it would be neat to visit all our old haunts. We thought it would be cool to go eat at the same restaurant we ate at on our first anniversary. So I personally like the idea of going back to where it all began. I also like the idea of getting a big fat anniversary ring and staying home instead-hmmm

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  24. Most places we think about going we decide it would be too crowded with tourists and then say fuk-it, we ain’t going. We have thought about just driving east and heading up the Appalachain Highway. Shenandoah Valley too. Highway Mom and Pop motels, cafes and saloons along the way an stop wherever. Although Gettysburg would be crowded we like to go to one of the old hotels and mess with the ghosts.

    Also…by September, Carnival Cruises should have their new cruise package up and running. The “Latrine of the Sea” promises to be a floating learning center on how to fix a variety plumbing nightmares. And I know you’re a fan of plumbing problems.

    Pressed for time and a fly in deal? Fly to Reno and rent a car and head to Taohe for a couple days. Real nice in September. Almost on the fuk-it list from the crowds but drive the loop around the lake. North shore Tahoe is less crowded. Virginia City and the Ponderosa is a cool place too while your in the neighborhood.

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  25. The wife and I celebrated 25 years last year. Celebrated by going to Maui. Loved it. Would recommend to anyone that wants to go to an exotic location for a special occasion.

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  26. My parents are celebrating their 30th this year, so dad booked a trip for them to head to Hawaii for a little over a week. They will be leaving the day before my sister and I return from Ireland. World travelers!

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  27. There’s always the option of a stay-cation. Go out to breakfast… go to a matinee…make a pot of tea in the afternoon and play cribbage… buy yourselves two new books and spend some time in silence with the dog and you two on the couch…. buy a nice bottle of wine, some cheese, bundle up and go for a walk in the woods and have a picnic…

    although… Knucklehead’s appt sounds appealing.

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    But then again… I’m the guy that spent his 25th anniversary not talking to and not being talked to by my wife… yeah, better not listen to me.

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    T-STORM Reply:

    If Tony was a dude.

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    dto Reply:

    hot fuzz…your suggestion sounds perfectly fine…providing that at the end of the day I also planned on killing myself.

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    dto Reply:

    HEY!!!!….where the fuck did Stanley go???

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    I hate asking people to explain a joke… but Stanley?

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    Please don’t revoke my man card over this!!! Please!!!!

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    dto Reply:

    Not to worry hot fuzz…up there though in the left corner. My avatar…Stanley has been replaced as far as I can tell. I’m using my desktop now to see if he comes back. I might have scared the little guy a few nights ago….dunno?

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    dto Reply:

    Yep…he’s back. Hi Stanley!

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    madz1962 Reply:

    My eyesight sucks, but Stanley looks like a dancing penis.

    No wonder you were freaking out when he went missing!

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  28. Jeff, I have to agree with many of the good, fine folks of the WVSR here. I wouldn’t recommend Atlanta, only because the risk is high that it won’t meet the expectations of your memories. A lot has changed since the 90′s and I’d hate for you to have a negative mark on such a great time in your life.
    I actually liked Jason’s recommendation. Pick somewhere completely new and make a new memory together! Who knows? Perhaps that new place will be somewhere you guys can go for your 25th when the boys are in college!
    Also, someone else suggested the Oregon coast and I know that would be a longshot because of airfare and such, but I must say I think you two would love it there. The breweries. Oh dear Christ, the breweries! I foresee the problem being you arriving to the Coast and never returning! It’s gorgeous and fun. :)

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  29. Right, as far as where to go for the anniversary… I have to agree with – was it Jason? – that you should go to a place neither of you has been before. If you pick the right place, it’s really fun and cool to explore together. Discover the bars, find great hole-in-the-wall eateries, roadside attractions, etc. It can be extra fun if you go during the off-season, whatever the season is for the place in question.

    Another option is to find a good B and B, preferably with a great restaurant either built-in or a short walk away. If you have an expensive meal and stay a night, it might still be cheaper than traveling a significant distance. I’d call that more “romantic” than “fun”, but it’s still nice.
    .

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  30. Ya know man…you and Toney have a lot of memories still rolling around there in Atlanta you seem to want to go visit. May as well go and just goof around about how the old neighborhood has changed and you two enjoy the moment and the past at the same time. You’ve mentioned before about wanting to go there. If Toney gives you that, “Let’s do it”‘ look…do it. Plenty of time to go other places.

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  31. Just go to ATL. Little 5 Pts is still a cool place to wander, many of the same joints are still around. Go see a show at the Star Community Bar or the Earl or the Variety Playhouse. Go see what remains from your memory, and what has changed. The ghosts that you are familiar with there have not left….

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    t-storm Reply:

    I loved the scb even before I was an alcoholic!

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  32. On another note, here’s something that might interest you, Jeff.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/13/cool-ranch-doritos-locos-taco-bell_n_2679565.html

    I guess Taco Bell is introducing a ‘Cool Ranch’ addition to its Locos Tacos line (to join the ‘Nacho Cheese’ flavor). Another reason to keep on breathing.

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  33. What the fuck am I supposed to do with my arms when I go to bed?

    They are always in the way.

    If I lay on my stomach or back, my arms sort of flop around at the elbow.

    If I lay on my side, my shoulder and upper arm make it feel like I’m laying on a pile of meat and bone.

    It’s bullshit.

    If i try to lay my head on my bottom arm, over or under pillow, then its only minutes until my shoulder ligaments start tearing themselves apart.

    If i lay in the fetal position then everything is pretty good except that the top side hand is dangling from my wrist.

    It feels like I’ll suffocate if I stick my arms straight out like a dog.

    Surley there is a block and tackle system that can correct the horrible arm situation at bed time.

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    The Qweezy Mark Reply:

    Prosthetic robot arms that you can take off when you go to bed. I did this years ago and have slept like a baby ever since.

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    hot fuzz Reply:

    Have you tried sleeping nude, hanging upside down by gravity boots? It’s quite liberating but deliciously vulnerable at the same time…. so I’m told.

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    dto Reply:

    I tried sleeping nude hanging uside down a coule of times but always got the feeling someone was watching me.

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    CADude Reply:

    They’re always watching us.

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    icecycle66 Reply:

    I tried once.
    My dick kept blocking my nose and I couldn’t breath.

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    That was actually your gut, but I hate to deprive a man of his dreams.

    jtb

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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