A Few Quick Things volume 256
For a few years Toney and I maintained a tradition of sorts, where we’d talk my parents into coming up here to watch the Secrets for a couple of days in early September, and the two of us would go somewhere for our anniversary. I think we did it three years in a row, and then everything came off the tracks for some reason.
We were thinking about trying to resurrect it this year, by maybe attending a beer festival in the Poconos sometime in November. We thought we could make a weekend of it, and rent a room at the resort, and the whole nine yards.
So Toney called the place a few days ago, to get the details. And yeah, we won’t be going…
Anyone care to guess the package price for two nights in the so-called lodge, two dinners, two breakfasts, and passes to the festival? Well, you don’t have to guess, ’cause it’s $800.
I’m sorry, but that ain’t gonna happen. I had $350-$400 in my head, and I’m usually pretty good at predicting those kinds of things. But this time the calibration was waaaay off.
And what am I, Ted Turner here? Screw it, we’ll just go to the Olive Barrel for dinner.
I have to work on Thursday, and Toney has to work on Friday, so our end-of-summer Knoebels extravaganza is also in jeopardy. Our only option at this point is Saturday – at the beginning of the Labor Day weekend.
I love Knoebels, but you’ve got to do it smart. And that means not going on weekends.
On Saturdays and Sundays, for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, WV.
And mister, nothing good can come from such a thing…
So, if it’s up to me, we won’t be going. But, of course, it’s never up to me, so who the hell knows? We’ll just have to see what happens.
I’ve been trying to convince the older Secret that the “panic” button on the back of my car remote controls an ejection seat. I told him to be extra-careful not to accidentally push it, especially when I’m driving, because I’ll go rocketing through the roof and end up in the weeds behind Staples.
But he’s not buying it.
Our power bill for the month of July, when Sunshine & Mumbles were here, shot-up sixty dollars, then dropped back down to normal after they left. Sixty bucks! That’s a lotta extra juice. Sunny’s lung-blower and that window-unit A/C they burned-up can apparently eat up some wattage. Sweet Maria.
I have a powerful urge to buy some CDs; it’s been a long time (upwards of a month!) and I’m starting to get the shakes. This weekend I plan to get myself right… What do you think? The new Hold Steady? Fleet Foxes? Randy Newman‘s latest? Any guidance will be appreciated.
And speaking of music… The Doors can flat-out ruin a good shuffle-play session. Everything fits together nicely, even when the styles seemingly clash, but the Doors never fail to drag it all down with their mournful dirges and pseudo-poetry. I think I might have to make a small adjustment to the Big iPod.
Surf Reporter Keith took the liberty of revising the Omen poster I included with yesterday’s post, to make it more relevant to the update. Check it out. He’s added Andy!
And I’ll leave you now with a Question that came to me only a few minutes ago, while having lunch and watching CNN. Have you ever bought anything from an infomercial, or one of those ads they show on cable, for things like Aqua Globes or Mighty Putty or the Foot Egg, or whatever that hilarious thing is called?
If so, tell us about it. Did the item work as well as they said it would, or were you disappointed? I have nothing to offer on this one, because I’ve never purchased any such products. But what about you? We’d like to know.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
I won’t even say it because I believe it’s a silly practice.
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Top 5
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Oh, and Jeff, it looks like the revised-poster link is borked at the moment.
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No linkee. But hey, thanks for tryin’…
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4th!!! …and I’m not above bragging about it!
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I’ve never purchased anything from television but I love to watch the commercials. They make the traditional method or product (which their product replaces) look absurd. For example, if they’re selling a noodle cooking pot they’ll show a lady using a regular pot and she falls and drags the pot of boiling water atop herself. Or if they’re selling a new kind of screw driver they’ll show another guy try to use a regular screw driver and he’ll jamb it through his palm and grimace in pain and disgust. Very funny.
Oh, and that food egg. The first time I saw them dump a bunch of foot shavings in the trash I almost puked.
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P.S. But you THOUGHT it, Jason.
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You’re right wordnerd. I did think it, and I feel dirty and strangely aroused because of it.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!
I can say I’ve purchased one item off of late, late, late night TV. It was the “seal a meal”, that removes all the air from the plastic bag before freezing, thus keeping it fresh as for months and months in the fridge.
And it does actually work! Froze 6 nice NY Strips after they had been hermetically(?) sealed, kept them in the freezer for at least 6 months, thawed ‘em out and they were in a condition that looked like they were just purchased the day before.
It (the sealing machine) has been sitting unused in the pantry for probably the last few years………
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I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I did by the “Foot Egg” (Ped-Egg) after seeing it on TV. I ended up buying it in a store, not from the # on TV so I don’t know if it counts or not. That being said, it worked amazing and I have referred it to many people who also loved it.
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Foot Egg?? Sir, I think you mean the Ped Potato. Which I purchased at Linen’s and Stuff. After seeing the ad. It totally rox!
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I also wanted to try putting in my URL… just as JK cancelled his MySpace account, I just signed up for one to keep in easier contact with my oldest Secret who is a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps, stationed in Okinawa, Japan
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Waaaa!
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Not top ten!
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I bought a chop wizard about a year ago and use it all of the time. Works great.
http://www.chopwizard.com
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“Jescobillies!” Heh. That’s a keeper, right there, folks.
I’m digging Fleet Foxes. They are playing it quite a bit on XM 50. They’re playing the new Randy Newman, too, but I’m less impressed; kind of sounds like the rest of his catalog. Not bad, but I won’t be blazing a path to Amazon.
Check out Amazon’s free download from Delta Spirit. I’ve never heard of them before, but I like the tune…and the price.
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Got to agree with the Doors assessment. Deadly depressing in so many places. Talk about pseudo-poetry? Try Patti Smith. Just because she’s ugly that doesn’t make her a poet.
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Normally I just read these posts and comments, BUT Jeff hit a soft spot with me on the infomercial stuff- See I buy all that stuff and it makes my husband nuts- I have the perfect pancake (works great), the dehydrator (also great) the magic bullet (ok), and many, many more items purchased on impulse from the damn tv. The absolute worst however was the Eggstractor- This device was supposed to peel hard boiled eggs in a flash. Well-let me tell you it did not. The lady on the infomercial did it with ease whereasI needed every ounce of my strength to push those eggs through the little opening AND they did not come out peeled. They did however shoot all over the room, up on the ceiling and across the floor. One by one, the dozen eggs I boiled created an eggmess in my kitchen. My husband just laughed and said “see, you shouldn’t believe everything you see on tv!”
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“On Saturdays and Sundays, for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, West Virginia.”
Sounds like biker week at Mrytle Beach…
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Jeff…..
Check out the Fratellis, I’ve heard nothing but good tunes off of their latest…….
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Jeff, you may as well throw the Grateful Dead out too! Both require heavy doses of happy weed and golden elixir to deflect the negative vibes they give off. And mister, nothing good can come from such a thing…
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I bought the “shark” knife sharpener. It works great. I paid way to much for “SHIPPING & HANDELING”. Screw that Billy Mayfair or whatever his name is. NEVER again…
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My mom bought me the foot egg and it works amazingly well… I have hoof-like callouses on my feet. Even better when she gave it to me she told me she bought me a “Pedi-file” which was really confusing since that would be of no use to me now that I’m in my 20′s.
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Don’t waste your money on the Shed Ender dog grooming comb. Doesn’t seem to work any better (in fact, worse because it pulls your dog’s hair) than just an ordinary hair brush. I like to use the hand-held plastic brushes that the barber gives boys when they get a buzz-cut. You know, the one with the loop to put your finger through. That works better than anything.
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I learned a long time ago to make them spell out in detail all the charges, shipping and handling, and then ask them if there are any additional charges for absolutely anything at all. Ever.
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Fool’s Garden?
Vast?
A little Rev Billy Wirtz?
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Haven’t bought anyhting from teevee that I can recall, but was might tempted to get the “breathe your way thin” program from that preternaturally young-looking woman who seems to be held together by a glittery 4-inch-wide BELT she wears over her leotard.
Now that? Is a look to be cultivated and imitated.
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Remember the Ginsu knives from the late 80′s, I have three of those my ma gave me and they’re still sharp enough cut the fingers off of my hand easily, love those damn things. The saying was “They never have to be sharpened” and guess what they don’t.
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Back after a long and inexplicable absence.
I bought some stuff called Redi-Strip which is a non-toxic easy pairt stripper. It worked exactly as advertised and was totally worth it.
They sell it in stores now, but 8 years ago I’d never seen it.
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BTW, go with The Hold Steady. They remind me a little bit like Sheryl Crow. This could be a good thing.
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I was going to ask the same question on my blog…
maybe I will in a few weeks.
I bought the Pedi-egg (well, it was a gift). It’s okay, but reminiscent of a cheese grater.
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I’ve never purchased anything from the TV. Always worked on the assumption that “Not available in stores! Only available on TV” translates to “Ripoff piece of shit”. The same way IKEA is Swedish for “Pressboard crap that only lasts for 18 months”. Plus it’s the ads: I hate TV pitchmen more that those douches that eek out a living selling “Miracle Slicers” at county fairs. It’s to the point where I’ve recently begun entertaining thoughts of beating Billy “Oxyclean” Mayes to death with the Shamwow! dude.
Apparently I have some issues to work out…
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“Billy Mays here for [insert shoddy late-nite product].”
THE most annoying voice in the history of the boob tube.
(I reckon that’s why they use him, but he’s never sold me squat.)
Meditation: it’s not what you think.
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harumpa-actually, I believe it’s marketed on TV as the Ped-egg.
Tadpolegal and Adam…I may have laughed more at your comments than today’s update (sorry, Jeff). “Pedi-file”…now THAT’S funny shit!
…and, sorry, but I’ve got to shamelessly plug the new Toadies album, ‘No Deliverance’, which went on sale a week ago today. ReznIcek (you spelled it with an ‘e’ on the shirt1 page, Jeff) wants you to buy as many as you can!
Late, y’all
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(no, it’s not an ‘L’.)
…and what the hell happened to my second T, damn it!?!
out!
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Hi all! My experience is with the so called foot potato, or whatever. Its the only tool my husband has ever agreed to use in regards to care of his feet, that includes clippers people! Therefore, it’s fabulous!
But, unrelated, I have just recently become a wvsr fan and was reading all of the archives past to present and they’re gone! Help! This is forcing me to actually work!
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Whoops, forgot…
I am now a fountain of famous, infamous & semi-famous quotations.
My very first offering seems appropriate just now:
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They’re the kind of people who’d stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn’t bother to stop because they’d want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
– Dave Barry
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“for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, West Virginia.”
Ahh, the Wildwood, New Jersey boardwalk.
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Bloody hell, Jorge! Where have you been???? You disappeared off the face of the earth.
I’ve only bought silver jewelry from QVC and I have to say it’s very nice stuff, although I have seen them sell some butt-ugly stuff on that station. And it goes like hotcakes. It’s the damnedest thing.
Cedar Point is the same way – you never go on a weekend if you can help it.
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There’s so much stuff in my house from infomercials that it’s embarrassing. The Gazelle (um, might work to get SOME people in shape… as in, people who actually use it more than once a month), the Magic Bullet (great for milkshakes!), Jack LaLanne’s Power Juicer (cool, but a pain in the ass to clean), and more products that I’m in denial about purchasing.
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Um, what does “your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?
Thanks
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I am sorry I purchased the clapper, you know leave the lights on till done reading…then clap your hands twice and the lights go off…well my dog thinks the clapping twice means to shit in the floor…I swear every time you used it I had to clap again so I could clean up the horrific smell…so we had to get rid of the damn thing at recent yard sale.
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What happened to this website? I missed a month or two and the whole thing has changed! I still miss the babyshit green back before this place went pop.
I’m just kidding. It looks nice.
I just hope I can find the bunker cam.
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My daughter gave me a Pedi-egg and I don’t care much for it. It makes my feet look like flakes of Parmesan. Maybe I’m not using it right.
Jeff, you may be in for it now. I know at least 3 people with ties to Boone Co. who read here everyday. Wouldn’t want to alienate them, would you???
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Ph, and that info-mercial guy up top there? I wouldn’t buy anything from him, ever. I hate his voice and delivery with a white hot passion.
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I bought that Pilates exercise video set they were pushing back in 2004. They tried to sell me a whole bunch of other stuff while I was on the phone. Never.took.it.out.of.the.package. Not once. Threw it away after we tossed our VCR. I think it cost like $120.00. Do you know how many McDonald’s #3′s that could buy?!
Yes, I am still fat.
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I have a pile of those super-absorbent microfiber towels–buy now and we’ll double the offer!! They work great (I think they’re the same stuff as what the Olympic dives use), and come in handy on vacation (day-pack friendly), but they haven’t made it into the regular rotation of things that we use around the house.
And, apparently, I can send off and get more FOR FREE!! any time I want them. Just pay shipping and handling. The “Handling” part must be mighty involved, ’cause they sure charge a lot for it.
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Seal -a Meal – we used to use that to bag weed. The weed never kept for six months though.
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Alison Kraus and Robert Plant, Raising Sand. Can’t get enough of this disc.
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I’ve never purchased from the infomercials either…but I love going into the “As Seen On TV” stores in the outlet malls and seeing what the stuff actually looks and feels like.
I still vote for Fleet Foxes as it’s one of the most original items I’ve purchased in awhile. Although if they got paid by the repeated word they’d make a killing. No less, I still listen to it at least once a day.
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Topsy Turvy ….works
Space Bags …..work
Mighty “anything” …sucks balls
I’m faced with the fact that I might be White Trash.
BTW Jeff, isn’t “Bourbon Season” almost upon us?
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didn’t like the Robert Plant/Alison one. Bleah. Not my thing.
Hold Steady, all the way.
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didn’t buy it off tv but it on tv…the rotato…yes it works, have it used it as much as somepeople think..enough said cause he reads here too! lol
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Jeff – A recommendation for new music – I just picked up two new CD releases that I’ve been waiting over 25 years for, from the highly underrated and criminally ignored band Doll by Doll. Their first two LPs – “Remember” and “Gypsy Blood.” My darling wife Amazoned them right to me and another tiny sliver of my world fell into place once again. Good Lord, these are two good LPs – not for everyone’s tastes, so listen to some samples if you can. Both of these discs have been in my top 50 since the first time I heard them. Meaty stuff. One of the most innovative bands that ever came out of the late 70s UK scene…
On the same note – I’m waiting on pins and needles for my spankin’ new CD copy of The Tubes “Now” import CD (another purchase from my lovely, thoughtful wife.) I may have to lock myself in the basement with a hit of blotter when I listen to it again for the first time in decades, just to get that oh-so-authentic vibe, bro…
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Speaking of The Doors…
“C’mon c’mon c’mon now TOUCH me babe,
can’t you see that I am not afraid…”
I can hear very loud and clear from my back yard the local high school marching band practicing “Touch Me” over and over and over again. I dance around the house to it, making obscene gestures with my pelvis a la Jim Morrison in the day.
When they practice, I’ll bet old Jimbo is spinning in his grave at about
40 to 50,000 RPM’s. heh.
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I purchased a DVD rewinder ($19.95 + $4.95 Shipping and Handling) and it works great. I always rewind my DVD’s before sending them back to Netflicks. Remember ‘be kind rewind’.
Other than that one excellent purchase I am not one to be easily taken in by worthless gadgets and gizmos.
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Just love those infomercials . . . came very close to buying that Red Devil BBQ grill. Years later I think it was recalled.
The best infomercial stil for me is the “Flow Bee”. Did anyone buy that one? My parents thought about it since there were 4 men in the family and haircuts were needed regularly.
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Well, if you like metal at all, you should try out some Opeth. Watershed, its called. Epic tunage – a few Cookie Monster vocals scattered here and there but not enough to annoy you to death. Man that dude can play some geetar.
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I bought the Flip ‘n Fold for my husband so he will fold the t-shirts. It’s awesome!! Our drawers look like the tables at the Gap! And I got a 2-for-1 deal!
http://www.flipfold.com/?gclid=CPio79KHrZUCFRg6awodf2Q3kg
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I hate that yelly guy too!
I have tried Oxy-whatever from the store. It works quite well. My mom bought me a Rotato and I have used it for years, it’s great for peeling lots of taters at one time. She also got me The Rocket Chef, I love the way it looks, all chrome and retro but it rarely makes it out the cupboard these days, basically a manual food processor, fairly useless. I have a Ped-Egg or a Pedi-file as it will forever more be called. I like it but dumping out the skin gives me the willies too. Gah.
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I’ve never purchased anything from TV but the SHAM-WOW guy really makes me clench up. He’s definitely only a half generation away from carnie folk…not that there’s anything RONG with carnie folk
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I’m glad somebody mentioned the SHAM_WOW guy! The funniest line is I can’t do this all day. Seriously, what the hell does he have to do with the rest of his day? Soak up spills?
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I was going to buy a handheld clothes steamer I saw on TV last week.
Lucky me, I saw it when I was in Walmart yesterday.
I can’t wait to try it out. Woohoo!
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Can you imagine sexin’ up Billy Mayes?? What would he say? That was AMAZING?? Would you buy it though?? Prolly not, nevermind.
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how the hell did I get a day behind????
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“for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, West Virginia.”
Also resembles Jamboree in the Hills where every girl looks like they are about to enter a Tonya Harding look-a-like contest.
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Carla- If you sexed up Billy Mayes, would you have to use OxyClean on the stain and soak it up with your SHAM-WOW?
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I do like the new Hold Steady record. But their songs are so story-oriented that they’re practically books on tape with a backing track. This effect tends to cut down on the appeal for repeat listens, but that could just be me.
Of recent releases I’d endorse test driving “She & Him”, the Willie Nelson/Wynton Marsalis record, and the Robyn Hitchcock reissues. Another new one that may not be to anyone else’s tastes: the new Carla Bruni album through headphones turns my lower extremities all tingly.
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I bought that 3 CD set of 60s rock hits and that was good. Bought supplements for the prostate and I still pee 10 times a day. They refunded the money though.
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I won’t pay for the s/h charges to purchase from tv, but if i ever see a Tater Mit, I’ll buy it.
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I think it is funny that you can find a lot of those SOLD ON TV ONLY products near the check out counter at Wal Mart.
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I highly recommend the new Candlebox disc, “Into The Sun”
Very underated band that came out of the Pacific Northwest at the same time as Grunge. Somewhat musically Pearl Jam-esque in parts, but with bluesier tendencies and an (equally) amazing singer (that sounds nothing like Eddie Vedder)
B. Love, I’ve been meaning to check out Opeth, heard lots of good things about them. Just picked up the new Slipknot yesterday and axiously awaiting Metallica’s “Death Magnetic” (like what I’ve heard so far…)
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Next time yall see a SHAM-WOW commercial pay close attention to the part where he’s dumping cola on a square of carpet. When he pours it there’s a lot of cola on the table, outside of the carpet. But when the camera goes back to him to clean it up, the excess cola on the table is gone.
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It truly is a miraculous product, then. It absorbs the cola through the air through osmosis. It only has to be in the same room. You could say that the product SUCKS the cola up.
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Opeth is practically my favorite band. Check out Damnation first . It is ALL wonderful clean vocals and the music is progressive perfection.Once you get used to Mike’s occasional growling all of their albums are fantastic! Got to meet the band a few years back working for Roadrunner street crew. The singer is a down to earth, really humorous guy! Amorphis is another really good band somewhat like Opeth.
We bought the never needs sharpening knife set from an ” As seen on TV” store in Pigeon Forge. My husband proceeded to nearly chop off his finger with the cleaver the first time he used them. THEY ARE SHARP! Needless to say we spent the best part of an evening in the E.R. after that.
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That thing sucks up cola like my wife sucks up my money!
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Who was that nutcase guy with his book about “government programs”? He wore a suit with question marks all over it.
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Rusty,
I don’t know. But what does it say about our government when a guy can sell a phone book sized catalog telling you how to get “free money”?
Whatever that guy was on, I’d like to have a barrel of it.
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2Tall,
I think you’re right. Those Sham-Wows are dangerous. You couldn’t have one of those things in your bedroom. It would suck the moisture out of your juicy eyeballs overnight, until they were reduced to the size of peas. That’s crazy dangerous. Somebody needs to call somebody. Good Lord.
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That crazy bastard Matthew Lesko in his “Riddler” suit…Holy Crap. Just when you’re nodding off watching Rat Patrol at 3AM, he comes on screeching about FREE MONEY!! Jebus!!
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The Hold Steady? Well, sure, if you don’t mind that every song ends with “…the record company, Rosie, just gave me a big advance!!…”.
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The guy with the suit o’ ??? who babbles about the government giving you free money is Matthew Lesko. Don’t ask me how I know that. He always seemed like an Andy Dick character to me.
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Get the new Toadies CD “No Deliverance.”
It rawks.
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I was a huge fan of K-Tel records
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Where is husky?
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Have to say that sometimes I’m tempted to electrocute my way to a washboard stomach.
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I can never click away from the sham-wow guy. Won’t buy one, but somehow that commercial always keeps my attention. Billy Mayes though – he always gets muted or channel-deleted.
I bought a Quick-Chop (got one free!) as Seen on TV. It was perfectly worth it, especially since I got 2. The first one broke, but the other one worked well past the divorce, which required me buying one for myself at a Retail Outlet near me. I use it at least weekly.
I used to know a girl who compulsively bought stuff from infomercials. Shocked the hell outta me when she said she actually had a flow-bee haircut vacuum gizmo. She had Cheryl Tiegs hair, so I have no idea why she’d need that.
My favorite recent purchases: Fool’s Garden (Dish of the Day – import, not available on iTunes) and Yes 90125.
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Ognir – that’s exactly where I saw the steamer I just bought. Alongside of the Ped-Egg and some other stuff.
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just think if a truck load of sham-wows crashed iinto a lake it would gry it up. very upsetting yes call someone 2tall ,america needs to be warned.
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thats DRY it up ,damn fingers
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Where in the frikken hell is our update? Tiff? Other Kristen? You’re always so quick to quip. Where’s the update? Huh? Come on with the come on.
I am in fact drunk. My apologiez to Tiff and Kristen. I can barely type. maolkvokuev. And I mean it.
Jason
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What?? No one but me owns a swivel sweeper? It is an awesome machine, really! I also own the Ped -egg-which from now on will be called the Pedi-File-I love that! LOL. And I bought both of them at Wally World in the As Seen On TV aisle.
As for the Sham Wow guy I would like to stuff that Sham Wow in his big mouth.
Does anyone but me have a hard time thinking of Alison Kraus and Robert Plant sharing the same stage?
I can’t be of much help music wise right now, I am on a Journey listening marathon.
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I just named my wang Jeff Kay! Is that effen cool or what?!
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I personally haven’t bought anything from an infomercial – actually I may have bought a shitty compilation cassette or two when I was laid up for 6 months after my car accident (notice cassette not CD to show the error of my youthful ways) however as you are a LOST fan too you may enjoy Jorge Garcia (aka Hurley)’s blog dispatchesfromtheisland.blogspot.com where he has bought infomercial stuff and writes about it
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I’m a new reader, and I got this far through the archives before I just had to comment.
I have never bought anything from an infomercial, but I have WANTED TO for SO LONG. That Sham-Wow guy is very convincing! It’s a serious problem!
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