The older translucent child, who is thirteen now, has picked up a new hobby: needlepoint. I’m not kidding. He reportedly took a home ec-style class this year, and fell in love with the art of decorating fabric, or whatever. Nancy says she takes him to the “needlepoint store” two or three times per week now, to pick up supplies. And the kid sits around sewing every evening.
A thirteen year old boy?? I have a cousin (or somesuch) who used to play an electric organ when he was young, and wore dress shoes all the time. He’d be out playing baseball (like a six year old girl) in hard shoes, and kept his bedroom impeccably clean and neat. He was so bizarre, like no kid I’d ever known. Until now…
The older see-thru is also receiving daily (daily!) coaching sessions from Nancy and Nostrils about his changing body, and all that stuff. And what the hell? Is that really necessary?
Nancy is hung-up on it, and wants to talk about it all the time. I think she gets some kind of sick thrill out of it. If my parents had peppered me with puberty talk every day, I probably would’ve slipped into a catatonic state, unreachable even by the world’s foremost psychologists.
The kid routinely flips out, throws down his needlepoint hoop, and screams, “I WILL NEVER USE DEODORANT!! YOU CANNOT MAKE ME USE DEODORANT!” It’s like a goddamn house of freaks. And you just know they have frequent beat-off conversations, too. Hell, Nossy probably tutors him on technique. It sounds like a joke, but it seriously wouldn’t surprise me.
This same kid is also freaked out about his health (wonder where that comes from?), and does “his stretches” in the front yard every day. Last week he suffered a heat rash, or a wind burn (I can’t remember), and they took him to their alternative medicine witch doctor.
And, starting today, he’s going on a three-week “cleansing diet.” Which means he’ll be shitting himself silly. I think Toney said it was only fruits, vegetables, and rice. I might be wrong about that, but it’s something designed to fully clean a person out, and cause a detox. Again, he’s a thirteen year old boy. And is reportedly “super-excited” to get started!
Also, Nancy and Nostrils are renting a house now, and refuse to mow the grass. Nancy says she doesn’t mow another person’s lawn; she doesn’t own it, so it’s not her responsibility. This place is owned by a professional landscaper, and was a thing of beauty when they moved in. But now it’s an overgrown jungle.
The neighbors are pissed, and are openly hostile about it. I guess they tried to be nice at first, but Nancy was so dismissive and rude they’ve cranked it up another few notches.
Last week she was supposedly on the front porch “doing her yoga,” and someone yelled, “Hey, mow the grass!!” She was deeply offended, and has dug in her heels even deeper.
But I told Toney the neighbor probably wasn’t even talking about the lawn. “Was Nancy wearing her bikini at the time?” I asked. “Maybe ‘the grass’ is just a euphemism?” Shit, I remember that bikini. “Grass” was protruding in every direction: up, down, sideways, forward, back….
And I’m going to work now. I hope you’ve enjoyed this quick check-in with Eninen, and the brood. There’s a slim chance we might meet them at Virginia Beach this summer. It probably won’t happen, but it’s been mentioned. I’ll keep you posted.
Have a great day, my friends!