A Band That’s Interwoven Into My World ‘n’ Shit
I was listening to local talk radio recently, and the host told the caller to “vote with your feet.” I don’t remember what they were talking about. Caulk or mutual funds… what does it matter? But the woman busted out laughing, as if the host had just made a devastating funny.
“Vote with your feet!” she shrieked. “Oh my god, that’s great!! Vote with your feet!!”
WTF? Isn’t that a common phrase? Bordering on cliche, even? And even if it were brand new, freshly minted, it’s not exactly hilarious, is it?
I frowned at the radio, and put in a CD. There’s only so much a man can take.
And speaking of Wilco, they’re apparently coming to town. To Scranton, I mean. On the rare occasion I’m moved to see a band perform live, it almost always requires a drive to Philadelphia. I’ve gone down there to see Paul Westerberg, Paul Weller, and the Eels about three times.
But Wilco just added a few dates to their ConstaTour 1995 – present, and are supposedly coming to the Scranton Cultural Center in March. Check it out.
Man, I’m gonna be all over that like a spider monkey on a custodian. The venue is roughly seven (six?) miles from our house, and is also a really cool place. I’m excited!
Toney and I first saw Wilco (along with the Jayhawks) in 1995, literally hours after we found out we were going to be parents for the first time. We’d stopped on our way home from work that night, and bought a home pregnancy kit. And after some peein’ ‘n’ waitin’ we were informed, via plastic messenger, that the first Secret was on his way.
Holy crap!
We went to the show, at the 40 Watt in Athens, but our minds were racing a mile a minute. The club wasn’t exactly packed, and we were standing just a few feet from the bands. Yet I don’t remember much about it. I know Wilco did a lot of Uncle Tupelo songs, and a few off their second album, which hadn’t been released yet. Other than that… pretty much a blur.
This is supposedly the set list, but what do I know about it? I could barely hear anything, because a voice kept yelling, “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…!” inside my head the whole time.
I saw them one other time after that strange night, and know all their albums like the back of my freakin’ hand. Somehow Wilco has wormed their way into my life, like few other bands.
One of their records, Summerteeth, conjures unpleasant memories of our cash-strapped California years, and I can barely listen to it. It makes my scrotum feel funny, like when I look down from the top of a skyscraper or whatever.
And another one, Sky Blue Sky, makes me feel almost giddy with optimism. Clearly, something good was happening during that period.
The shit’s all interwoven into my world, ‘n’ shit.
So, anyway… I’m looking forward to seeing the band again. Maybe I’ll take the oldest Secret with me? How cool would that be?
I had to leave and run a few errands, between that Wilco stuff and now. Good god, why didn’t I remember it’s seasoned citizen day at the grocery store? Unbelievable. I thought my forehead was going to split open, and start spraying blood.
I hope I make it to the age of wide-open entitlement, I really do. I’m owed it.
This one’s a little short, but I need to get ready for work now… For a Question, I’d like to hear (read) your stories about the day you found out you were going to be a parent for the first time. You know, if you ARE a parent. Use the comments link below.
Also, I’m interested in the other “fun” websites you visit. I’m not talking about news sites, or crackpot political blogs, or things like that. Tell us about the sites you visit for entertainment purposes. Other than porn… everybody knows where to find that.
I’ll see you guys tomorrow, at both sites. And speaking of both sites, Metten has been on a roll at Mockable over the last few days, so be sure to check it out.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Filed under: Daily
numero uno!
[Reply]
dos?
[Reply]
Teehee one?
[Reply]
Doh!
[Reply]
My first was a “honeymoon baby” and I was totally surprised when that little window displayed a very clear plus sign. My husband was coaching basketball at the time, and I remember driving over to his practice and pulling him out of the gym to deliver the news. I think we both walked around in a daze for a solid week. We told my parents and my in-laws, but we decided to wait until after the first trimester to share it with everyone else.
That was January of 2000, and our little girl is now nine and the oldest of three.
[Reply]
top ten…….now to feed my addiction
[Reply]
I keep reloading Kissing Suzy Kolber (http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/) hoping for more NFL parody (such as http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/10/coach-ryan-likes-hot-dogs.html ) and of course the weekly Sex / Fantasy Football Advice column (http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/12/public-intercourse-and-sob-stories-the-ksk-fantasy-footballsex-advice-mailbag.html)
[Reply]
Top 10 – lucky Number 7
[Reply]
still Top 10?
[Reply]
found out I was pregnant the first time at the tender and completely unprepared age of 19. I immediately started throwing up and lost 15 pounds before i stopped puking. It was not fun. the worst part was telling my mother. She is a scary lady.
Second time i was a tad more prepared and it was just as scary telling my mother. She is still scary and is never happy about anyone having children. Very weird.
[Reply]
We had no kids for the first 5 years so the first pregnancy was somewhat of a shock for me. I had started to assume that I was shooting blanks and we might have to purchase and ice tray full of sperm from some stranger and have it shot into my wife with a turkey baster.
She took the pregnancy test in secret and slid it under the bathroom door while I was taking a shower. I stepped on it when I got out and thought it was a thermometer and I picked it up by the business end (the pissed on part) to ask her WTF. When she told me what it was I dropped it like it was radioactive.
I like to go to:
http://www.gorillamask.net
[Reply]
hiya
[Reply]
Our little guy just turned three months old, so it was almost exactly one year ago that we got the news. The continuous loop of “oh shit” sounds familiar. I mean, it wasn’t a shock. We decided to start trying after new year’s. However, I expected it to take more than freakin’ 4 days! Everything is great though.
One of my personal favorites:
http://www.marriedtothesea.com/
[Reply]
JH Christ, just thinking about it makes me feel a little queasy. I remember like it was yesterday. Actually, it was April of 1984. One of those original EPT tests with a little test tube and positive was a circle that formed in the bottom of the pee. I did it on a Sunday morning–very early and sat and watched that circle for three hours waiting for it to disappear. I was 29, nearly thirty and single. Not optimum for the first grandchild for my parents. I think I waited to tell them until like June, maybe. It was a looonnnnng spring. He’s 25 now. They love(d) him like he was gold.
[Reply]
No kids, so on to question # 2:
Break.com — A collection of funny, short videos. Sort of like “America’s Funniest Home Videos” but with a lot more nut-shots, face-plants, and people setting themselves on fire. They seem to get a lot of the same videos that are available on other “wacky video” sites, but Break.com has a more user-friendly site than most of the others.
Drudge.com — Even though I’m sick of his right-wing, Obama-bashing, global-warming-denying slant, he still does link to some very interesting news stories. But for a dude who’s supposedly a closted homosexual, it’s hard to fathom how he could be such a conservative wing-nut. I suppose it’s due to the fact that he’s still in the closet — sorta like the accusation that most gay-bashers are secret homos. (For more details on his alleged lightness in the loafers, just Google “matt drudge closeted homosexual” and you’ll find some interesting reading material.)
[Reply]
Some crazy sites for conspiracy nutjobs:
http://www.unsolved-mysteries.com/
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/
[Reply]
I like Bad News Hughes / The Domesticated
Shithead at:
http://domesticatedshithead.blogspot.com
Lately I’ve been re-reading the Johnston Check in articles at Something Awful:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/levi-johnston
[Reply]
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Even though it’s not seasoned citizens day here at the workplace, much like our illustrious host Mr. Kay, my forehead too is about to split open and spray blood everywhere.
The stress levels are reaching red line proportions, the mass amounts of caffeine and nicotine I’ve ingested certainly isn’t helping matters. This little installment of the Report is just the break I needed.
First time the missus and I found out we were pregnant was when I was a Junior in college. I was living on campus and she was back home, 100 miles away. I got the news over the phone. Talk about an “oh shit” moment.
Since the oldest, who just turned 21, was born on Pearl Harbor day, the best I can figure he was conceived right around St. Patrick’s day. Makes sense too, seeing as I was home for that weekend, hitting the parties and bars and looking for a little lovin’ later on. Sorry, too much detail.
One nice thing about having the kids early is now that one is grown and out of the house, the other is almost there, the wife and I are still fairly young.(43 & soon to be 43). We still, hopefully have 30, 40 years to have some fun.
Speaking of having fun, some websites I like to visit during the down time:
Holy Taco
Fail Blog
The Chive
Hot Chicks with Douchebags
Izismile.com (this is a great time waster! Lots of great pics, vids & links)
Cracked.com
Bored at Work
previously above was mentioned “Married to the Sea”, also try NatalieDee.com , Toothpaste for Dinner and Super Poop. These sites are all run by a husband & wife team living in Columbus, Ohio.
Overheard in New York
Overheard in the Office
Hulu
The Smoking Gun
Funny or Die
OK, that’s enough
[Reply]
I’ve just finished getting caught up on all of the NYE stories and the nostalgic “thank you” messages, and find myself moved to add a big-ass “Thank you, Jeff!” (no pun intended), and a “Thank you, Surf Reporters!!” for the 1.) sometimes dumb, 2.) sometimes insightful, 3.) usually hilarious, and 4.) always entertaining musings contained both in the body of and in the appendages to this site.
To say nothing of the educational value of visiting this site and reading the comments. In today’s entree (adianoeta intended), I learned 2 new things: From the video link, I learned that Wilco exists and is actually worth exploring further, and from the reference to the newly-added Wilco concert I learned that Scranton has a Cultural Center. Who knew??!!!
And until recently I had no idea that Velveeta had utilitarian uses beyond being a stomach-filler and a poop-inhibitor. Again, who knew??!!!
Now I think I’ll click on some of the links added by the links above. For the educational value, of course.
[Reply]
Here is a blog by a fellow West Virginian. This guy cracks me up. Well written blog.
http://kenthomas.us/
[Reply]
Holy Crap Wilco only blocks away!!! Thanks for the heads up Jeff!!!
Plus a pre-sale option! woohoooo!!!!
[Reply]
I like Wilco (quite a bit, actually) but I’m not sure if I GET Wilco. Kinda like Radiohead. Me- I’m hearing some very listenable music while everyone else seems to be hearing angels singing personally constructed epiphanies to them.
Either way, have fun at the show and get me a shirt, okay?
[Reply]
No kids here. I actually had my tubes tied at a fairly early age…never regretted it until now. This is the first relationship I have ever had that I felt my partner would be a “participating” father and not galavanting in a bar 24/7 while I’m home trying to keep things together. But now that I am 46, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
Jeez, this is the only site I follow faithfully. There are other blogs I have found over time but only check them from time to time.
[Reply]
We were living in Fort Myers FL. She told me and I knew she would want to move back to Michigan. We didn’t have to argue about it because I got laid off three weeks later. Been back here in the great white north ever since. For our second she threw the positive test at me and yelled ” I HOPE YOUR HAPPY ASSHOLE!” I said “That depends, is it mine and is this thing dry?” The joke did not go over well at home. It was all the rage at bowling though. Damn pregnancy hormones. She laughs about it now.
[Reply]
they didn’t have pregnancy kits back in my day, but i just KNEW within a day or two.
i always check out shit my dad says—-simply hilarious.
his latest: “The universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. That’d be like having a parade every time I took a piss.” hee hee hee
[Reply]
It isn’t every day a man wakes up to discover he’s a screaming bender with no more right to live on Gods clean earth than a weazle. The first time I found out I was going to be a parent. I was stationed in Pascagoula, Mississippi. I called my then newlywed now ex-wife to see if she had received my letters. She stated that she had indeed and she had a big surprise for me but I had to guess. Well my first 20 guesses where way off the mark. Number 21 was, “Is somone pregnant?”, and my next question was “Oh shit! How did that happen?” I hear a click. Then the sound of dial tone. WTF? That should have been my first warning, some women just have no sense of humor. I still get ocassionally stung by my sarcastic candor. The rest is history.
My favorite site for a laugh or to lift my spirits: http://icanhascheezburger.com/
[Reply]
I was having my tarot cards read by my roommate’s, and it was her first time playing with the deck. She had me draw a card at random, and she then she looked in her book for the card’s meaning. I had pulled the pregnancy card…huh. That’s funny, because I can’t get pregnant.
So we tried again. Put the card randomly in the deck, shuffled, pulled another card. Well, we thought it was another card. Turns out it was the pregnancy card again.
By this time my fiancee had walked into the room, noticed what was going on, and decided to solve the problem for us…he’d pull the next card and see what was up. Pregnancy card again. And again.
Not one to question fate, I went out to get a test. To hell with biological probabilities, defective plumbing, and quack doctors, miracles happen every day! And sure enough…the tarot knew. Not only was I pregnant, it was with twins (both my future husband and I pulled the preggo card twice in our “experiment” for further freaky evidence).
I haven’t “played” with tarot since…and I only have two kids. Coincidence? I think not.
[Reply]
Here is Wilco’s setlist from a show I saw in Portland, OR just after I moved here: http://www.wilcobase.com/event.php?event_key=585
The Portland show is sold out on this tour. Bummer.
[Reply]
No kids.
A few sites I like that haven’t been mentioned:
http://www.oddtodd.com/
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/
http://angryalien.com/
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
http://www.thekitchn.com/
I just found this site today: http://www.godchecker.com/ It’s satisfyingly snarky, yet pleasantly informative at the same time.
But I honestly think this site is my favorite.
[Reply]
Almost 21 yrs agon (wow!) I walked past the bathroom where, unbeknownst to me, my bride was staring at a plastic stick with pee on it. She started shouting (screaming?) “Look at this! Look at this!” In full defensive mode I replied, “I didn’t do it!” in an attempt to evade responsibiltiy for whatever was wrong. But, of course, I had done it.
[Reply]
Oh boy do I remember that day. My wife had stopped using birth control pills the month before. We decided to take a “whatever happnes, happens” approach. I agreed after she told me it would probably take her a year to get pregnant.
So the very next month she pees on the stick and it comes back positive. No freaking way.
I made her take another one, which was also positive.
Then I called a buddies wife who was pregnant and asked her if she’d had false positives.
Not satisifed with her answer I called the 800 number on the box. Sure, false negatives happen 1% of the time, but there must be something wrong with the tests if it’s showing false positives, right?
The 800 number lady assured me the test was accurate and there were no recalls on the lot numbers for our tests.
Ever the analytical type and determined to prove we had a bad batch, I pee’d on the last stick in the pack. It was, of course, negative.
Holy crap.
Five days later my wife had her appendix removed instead of going to see Depeche Mode with some of her girlfriends. She was discharged from the hospital on her 30th birthday.
The Peanut was born the following summer.
[Reply]
The first one was a big deal but after that you get used to it. We currently have two split-tails. A 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. When I found out she was pregnant I told her it better be a boy or I’d cut her head off. She reminded that the man determines the sex, blah, blah, blah. I said, “Whatever toots. Put a stem on it this time or it’s off with your head.” Our third will be here in about a month. A boy.
[Reply]
Jeff, that’s great that they are playing your adopted hometown. I am so goddamned excited that Wilco added a Pittsburgh date to their tour. I’m mostly broke but will check the couch cusions, car ashtray and dirty laundry for enough money to make it to that one. Their last album has been on heavy rotation here lately.
No kids here, and that’s probably a good thing at this point in time; I never thought I would want any but as I’m getting older I think it would be kinda cool to have a son to pass some things on to (for some reason, I have a hunch that if I did have a kid with someone, it would be a boy). I’m still young enough that a kid is a slight possibility.
On the living room stereo (again) — “Reptile Style” — The Reigning Sound
[Reply]
I was in the bath when my wife told me she was pregnant.
I remember that the water got cold before I got out.
Hey! Alli has hit the U.K.!!
Its selling for £40 for 80 pant soiling capsules.
How does that compare to U.S prices?
Will it ever be a good deal, ever?
[Reply]
My “oh shit” moments involving pregnancy tests have all come during the 3-5 minute wait after peeing on the stick. Also in that 3-5 minute window were numerous pleas to whatever/whomever might be out there in that Great Expanse. Said pleas usually involved a deal something like, “If it’s negative, I promise to never, ever, ever do something so stupid again. Please, please, please, pretty please let it be negative.” And the plastic messenger always came through for me.
My sister, on the other hand, tried desperately for a number of years to have a child, without success, and I always felt a little guilty being on the opposite side, begging not to be pregnant.
[Reply]
http://www.zefrank.com/
I am looking forward to checking out some of the other links.
[Reply]
ruminations.com
thisisphotobomb.com
itemnotasdescribed.com
engrishfunny.com
lovelylisting.com
wimp.com
and the ever macabre
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaths_in_2010
[Reply]
While awaiting moderation…AHEM!
Some crazy sites for conspiracy nutjobs:
http://www.unsolved-mysteries.com/
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/
[Reply]
I read cracked.com at work every morning, and wvsr when I get home. As all Mad Magazine fans know, Cracked magazine really was a poor substitute for Mad. The website is really no relation, and has some great comic writing.
Here’s a good example:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/review-of-kfcs-terrifying-new-double-down-sandwich/
I also read boingboing.net pretty often, although I despise some of the people who run that site.
[Reply]
I visit “Nurse the hate” often.
This one was one of Jeff’s suggestions.
[Reply]
My comment appears to be perpetually awaiting moderation, at least on my end. Oh well. Here’s another good link that’s good for a lot of laughs:
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
[Reply]
Oh, and speaking of Wilco, Jeff got me all hooked on the Numbers Stations weirdness. I’ve been fascinated by it ever since:
http://www.archive.org/details/ird059
YANKEE! HOTEL! FOXTROT!
[Reply]
I’ve actually stumbled across a couple of “numbers stations” while playing around with a shortwave radio in the middle of the night. It’s very creepy to hear, knowing that it’s a coded message being sent by some spy agency, to be de-coded by a spy; and probably for evil purposes.
[Reply]
ah, the Jayhawks…
[Reply]
I know, Swami! It gives me the willies, but at the same time it’s totally cool. I love weird mysteries like that!
[Reply]
Hey Jeff do you know you live 340 miles away from my house?(give or take 6 or 7:)
First time the better half delivered the blessed news over breakfast that our first freeloader was on the way made the classic mistake of asking who the father was? soon found out that pancakes & syrup make a lousy hat!
Whenever I can tear myself away from WSVR: Heclerspray.com fark.com and asylum.com for news & entertainment. when you guys are listening to your I pods I’m listening to OTR.net and finally for those of you with British Heritage who really want to know what your ancestors were up to: oldbaileyonline.org
[Reply]
Seems like the male reaction of asking who the father could be is a very common means of that male dealing with the gravity of the situation via humor. And seems that the female reaction of being highly offended by the male reaction, and reacting with some form of physical or verbal violence, is also quite common. I wonder if any sociologists have done a study of these common reactions. I’d say it’s an area ripe for further research.
[Reply]
I’ve been pregnant 9 times, but only have 2 children. Secret #1 was pregnancy #5 – by that time, seeing the positive stick only sent me into a tizzy of nervousness. Also, by that time, we knew to keep it to ourselves until after 12 weeks. However, I knew I was pregnant with him right directly after we did the deed and I knew it was a boy. He was born 3 mos early, 2lbs, 5oz. He will be 12 in about 3 weeks and besides being a sullen pre-teen is a really great kid. Secret #2 was pregnancy #9. I really wanted some wine, but decided to pee on the stick – even though I was 5 days away from “missing” my monthly friend. It was positive in a nanosecond. I met the Evil Twin at the door when he got home from work and we just hoped for the best. I injected blood thinner into my belly over 500 times to keep her to full term – 39 weeks! She’ll be 4 next month.
[Reply]
The web sites I love
http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com
http://www.cracked.com
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
http://notalwaysright.com/
http://www.oddee.com/
[Reply]
Evil Twin’s Wife,
Great story. Sorry for your loss. But thankful for your children. Good for you.
[Reply]
failblog
notalwaysright.com
http://myhusbandisannoying.com/ (even though she drives me crazy sometimes)
fmylife.com
http://cnati.com/blogs/ctrent/
http://www.red-hot-mama.com/
Not a parent. And the day I find out my girlfriend is pregnant I’m going to punch her mexican (messican) ex-husband in the nose.
[Reply]
500 times? Blurgh.
My aunt had similar luck. The worst one was the one before my cousin was born. she lost the kid the monday after the baby shower. That was a kick in the nuts. They named it and had a funeral. The up side? There isn’t another kid running around out there named Robert E. Lee Jones. The Jones part was changed to protect the innocent, I could have easily said McGuillicutty or Kay.
[Reply]
@Evil Twin’s Wife: God bless you and your persistence! And congrats on having two healthy children after all that you went through.
[Reply]
forgot one — http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
[Reply]
I spend a lot of time on HIpinion.com
It came from Pitchfork Media original forum back in 2001 and it’s evolved into one of the funniest board I’ve ever had the pleasure to post on. Great YSI and upload threads as well as a Leak thead. Also it’s filled with some of the most hilarious people I’ve ever encountered online or in real life. We just changed over to a new board and open registration might still be in effect. Our board was respsonsible for the “Meg White Sex Tape” back in 2007 and a lot of our content has made it’s way all over the interwebs. I’m actually convinced that Jeff either posts there or lurks.
[Reply]
I’ll also be keeping an eye out for Jeff at the Wilco show. I’m equally excited about it.
[Reply]
I found out that I was pregnant on my husband’s 29th birthday. I burst into our bedroom carrying 5-6 pregnancy tests, all of which were 1) USED and 2) POSITIVE. I looked him in the eyes (full of fear) and gasped, “What are we going to tell my parents?!”
He laughed and said, “We’ve been married for 5 years. They probably figure we’ve been up to something.”
We stopped after one kid, because she acts like her father. [That's actually a compliment, by the way. I'm positive that the next one would act like ME.]
————————————————————————-
I am a great fan of mentalfloss.com, cracked.com, and imnotbenny.blogspot.com.
If you want to laugh until you wish you were dead, I highly recommend reading the last one. Dig through the archives. You WON’T be disappointed.
[Reply]
It’s apparent that I’m not a parent.
Some of my regular visits: thereifixedit.com, engrish.com, dieselsweeties.com. And yes, I read Wikipedia for fun. I was a regular at suck.com when they were still active.
One of my very favorites is the Perry Bible Fellowship, http://pbfcomics.com/ – this is a collection of seriously bizarre and twisted comic strips. Unfortunately, they guy quit drawing them and so the selection is finite. Still excellent though.
For music, last.fm
And like Dogberryjr, I’m not sure if I “get” Wilco – but I’m excited by The Residents coming to town next month. Feb. 7 at the 9:30 club!
[Reply]
Jason, FMcT, (SB) – just back tracked on your reply from yesterday, always hilarious, you both have such a gift for writing, although frequently disturbing, it’s all for the fun of it. BTW, Jason, I think your wife must be a Saint.
[Reply]
Not O: It doesn’t seem fair to call Jason’s wife a Saint at this point in the season. Sure, they lost their last three games and they seem doomed in the playoffs, but they had injuries. Unless… you meant saint. Oh, oh.
Jason has obviously had some injuries as well, but a lot of research is underway in the area of cranial trama and doctors are making great strides. I don’t wish him ill, but you gotta admit he’s more entertaining this way.
jtb
[Reply]
#1- Was called while working overnight at a warehouse. Expected the call, so nothing shocking.
#2- Found out during fireworks on 4th of July- A little shocking, but not newsworthy
#3- Second wife- told me after a trip to a doctor that the state paid for. That’s right- welfare baby. Probably this one shocked me more than any.
#4- Completely unexpected and actually sort of pissed me off, since I thought procreation time was over and I could actually begin to save some money. However, I know it’s wrong to play favorites, but AngryWhiteGirl would have to be the favorite, if I was forced to choose at gunpoint.
I can get lost for hours in Wikipedia. A description or definition can lead me to another topic, and so on, where I have all of a sudden spent way too much time in there. I also like thisiswhyyourefat.com. Some of the food products there look really good.
On IPOD right now- “Derelicts of Dialect”- 3rd Bass
[Reply]
trying for 3 years… saw a specialist… told us we could start meds…. and before we could even start the whole ordeal (following weekend) i was late and did the pee stick.
i jumped up and down and couldnt stop smiling and laughing. so happy. the ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit’ came a little later
[Reply]
Adopted a little girl from Russia in Dec. ’03. Got the call that a little girl was available on Sept. 23. Received her picture in the mail a few days later. Heart begins to claim her as my own at that point. Never thought I’d be the one who would adopt. She’s a true gem and a real blessing. Funny story, my wife and I went back to our photo album from the day she was born and there was a pic from that exact day, where I had set up a tripod to take our picture, ran to put my arm around her and smacked her right in the face with my elbow. The shot shows her in complete pain. So, we tell my daughter that her Mother was in pain the day she was born.
[Reply]
Not Oprah,
Thanks for the compliment. This is the only place I really ever write anything. But I will say that I’m exactly the same in real life. I enjoy shocking people, making them laugh, etc. My wife really is a saint. She’s gotten used to it. People always ask her, “Is he always like this?”
johnthebasket,
It’s like I always tell my wife, “You might not find what I say or think interesting, but try telling that to the dozens of court-ordered psychiatrist. They find everything I say absolutely fascinating.”
I’m on a host of medications for an overactive imagination. I used to suffer from insomnia because I’d lay there and pay attention to where my tongue laid in my mouth as I tried to sleep. “Is it just going to dangle there? Should I try to keep it low or press it to the roof of my mouth? Any chance I might swallow it?”
I started administering shock therapy to myself with a frayed electrical cord. That helped a lot. But I had to stop because I passed out and let the cord land in a cardboard box full of shredded paper. Almost burned the garage down.
[Reply]
Sad day- I cannot get into most of the websites that everyone recommended, especially Jason’s, which looked more than interesting, but NOW, I cannot get into peopleofwalmart due to it being labeled as “Mature Humor”. I swear, the internets Nazis are ruining my workday.
Day 6 of non-smoking. Not so bad. Only want to kill the internets Nazis, not my co-workers.
On IPOD right now- “Sky Pilot” (doesn’t it seem like it’s always “Sky Pilot”)- The Animals
[Reply]
DDG – Nice story. After years of trying, my sister and her husband also adopted from Russia (April ’02). Two girls at the same time. Born two weeks apart and not biologically related. When people ask if they’re twins, we confuse them by simply stating, “No, they were born two weeks apart.” Leaves people scratching their heads before they either ask for clarification or use their brains and figure it out.
After the physical and emotional pain of failed fertility treatments, the adoption process was just as tough on my sister. Exams, evaluations, paperwork, affidavits, translations, notarizations, disappointments, more paperwork. When I finally got the call to tell me that the judge had approved the adoption and that they would be coming home in a few days, I sat in my office and cried. I can’t imagine what my sister felt at that moment. Her girls just celebrated their 9th birthdays.
[Reply]
Whenever we go to the hospital to spit out another kid there’s always some douch in the elevator that ask me, “So, are you having a baby today?” I’ve started answering, “Yes. I’m having two.” They always say, “Oh twins! How exciting!” And I say, “No. Not twins. It’s two different mammas. They just so happen to be delivering on the same day.” This always shuts them up. Don’t ask me if I’m having a baby, stupid fuck. Of course I’m having a baby. Why else would I be in this drab shithole at 9:00 at night? Gawd.
[Reply]
My first was found out 3 days before(thats right Gma, Before) my open bar wedding. somewhat of a bummer, but I was the only sober person to remember my wedding.
Second was after fertility docs(funny how your body can just quit working) and several surgeries.
Third was a Vacation to Disney Baby. Thanks Mickey Mouse. I cried with the third, as I became pregnant with him while the other was under a year. Fertility problems my ass. WTF.
All boys. ages 6 and under. I don’t sleep. ever. but they are cute, because they look like their dad.
[Reply]
Not Oprah,
Thanks for the reference to the end of the comments from yesterday’s post. “The Saga of Jason and T. Farty McAppleass” answers a lot of questions.
I’m not quite sure why I had questions. I’ll have to think about that one for a while.
Since I’m posting, I’ll answer the Q: Like Dorothy, my wife knew within a day or two that we were going to be joined by Li’l Dudes. It kind of takes the edge off of learning about it–there’s a bit of “yeah, right” involved–but after two, I’d have believed her the third time. Thankfully, that didn’t happen–not that I didn’t enjoy the Li’l Dudes, but I sure do enjoy the empty nest now.
[Reply]
I noticed someone above mentioned The Reigning Sound. I highly recommend them. Caught them two nights in a row in Nov. Great shows! Check them out!!
[Reply]
Brynhildr – It’s unfortunate your sister had such a hard and long time. I know it’s common for a lot of folks. Ours took from Jan. ’03 and she was home in Dec. It’s fantastic that they adopted two. If wife and I were ten years younger I’d do it again.
[Reply]