A 4th of July Like They’re Meant to Be

hamburgerOn Saturday I took the boys fishing, at a nearby lake.  It’s quality father/son time that doesn’t include board games, or the chasing of a ball, so sign me up.

Last time we used some kind of ridiculous bait they’d found at Wal-Mart, which I think was meant to lure ocean creatures, like octopus or possibly the elusive sea camel.  I don’t know.  But, as predicted, we didn’t catch a freaking thing.

Therefore, I insisted we go back to the tried and true:  grub worms.  They’re not as nasty as night crawlers, or minnows, or things like that.  Plus, they work.  What a concept!  I’m not really a fan of the continuous, unnecessary experimentation.

So, we went to a bait shop way out in the wilderness somewhere.  We’d been there before, and purchased grubs from them; they were our super-secret, always-reliable grub hookup.

When we pulled onto the parking lot some kid came careening out of my peripheral vision on a bicycle, and rode straight through the store’s front door, which was propped-open.

I’d never seen a person ride a bike into a convenience store before, especially at such a high rate of speed.  I expected to find someone inside with their head driven through a Doritos display.  But, unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

Turns out it had been a girl, approximately twelve years old, all tomboyed-up.  And, while standing next to her at the counter, I noticed she could’ve used the following:

  • at least one additional hygiene product
  • a support garment

I asked the guy behind the cash register if they had any grub worms, and he told me they’re hard to find this summer.  What?!  What does that mean?  How could it be??  I always got them when Bush was president, so it must be Obama’s fault, right?

He sold me a tub of night crawlers, which I’d gone out of my way to avoid.  I reluctantly handed him my money, sighed theatrically, and the l’il (stinky & pointy) Jodie Foster said, “Hope y’all caitch somethin’!”  Thick-ass Southern accent…

The whole thing was quite disconcerting.

We went to the lake, and it was way too crowded.  We were practically standing shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers, and everybody’s lines kept getting crossed.  It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I kept my bitching to a minimum.

The night crawlers were huge, and the older Secret started cutting them into sections with a pair of scissors from the tackle box.  Cutting the bastards like ribbon, while still alive!  The poor things.  They’d probably been minding their own business in a field somewhere, and now some kid was dismembering them, impaling ‘em with a hook, and repeatedly flinging them into deep water.

And I sometimes complain about my day?

We didn’t caitch anything, and nobody else did either.  Fish aren’t THAT stupid.  I mean, there were probably two hundred people around that lake, all attempting the exact same scam.  I suspect the fish were way out in the middle, shaking the front one-third of their bodies in amusement.

After we gave up on our fishy dreams, I asked the boys and Toney (she’d taken a walk while we’d gone John Wayne Gacy on the worms) if they wanted to go to a nearby ice cream shop.

This place is WAY off the beaten path.  It’s on the grounds of a dairy farm way up an obscure road, and is kind of a dump.  But the ice cream is incredibly fresh and good.  It’s well worth seeking-out, and we’ve been there many times.

So, we each ordered a cone with a freakin’ softball-sized scoop on top, and took a seat at one of the picnic tables outside.  Ahhh… there’s nothing quite like eating frozen dairy products while smelling the shit of the very cows that produced it.  Mister, that’s livin’.

While enjoying our cones, a car with New York plates pulled into the parking lot, and an enormous man emerged.  He was wearing shorts, flip-flops, a Gilligan hat, and nothing else.  He had no shirt, and his torso was just an avalanche of cascading flab.

He waddled around for a few minutes, snapping photos and plucking the legs of his shorts out of his crotch.  His pants rode up in the middle, fully and completely, with every two or three strides of his massive sausage legs.

Finally he went inside the shop, and the four of us started making bets about what he’d buy.  And I was the winner, I’m proud to announce.  The dude came out with a gargantuan $5.95 banana split.

That evening Toney and I each enjoyed a full ration of the golden elixir, while preparing a holiday deck feast.  We had more food than was necessary, which is the only way to go, and ate dinner outside.

After dark the boys went into the backyard and detonated about thirty dollars worth of shitty Grade C fireworks.  But they enjoyed it, and Toney and I watched from the deck.  With frosty Yuenglings in-hand.

It was an almost perfect 4th of July.  We had a great time, and the weather couldn’t have been better.  It turned out to be what you always think a holiday weekend will be like, and almost never is.  Know what I mean?

What did you do for the holiday?  Anything exciting?  Tell us about it in the comments.

And I’ll be back tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

Read the story of Jeff's last six months in West Virginia!

87 Responses to “A 4th of July Like They’re Meant to Be”

  1. no way

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  2. Tada!

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  3. Woot, woot, woot!!

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  4. Fuck it!

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  5. “Stinky & Pointy.” I think I drew some wood on that one!

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  6. Long live the Tomboy!! All stinky pits and unfortunate chest buds.

    As for the Fourth, my best friend from Philly came up for a weekend visit and we showed him the sites of the ‘Burgh. Which was an eyeful indeed considering that the Furries convention was in town ( http://www.wpxi.com/news/19925913/detail.html ). Alas, not one of them was set ablaze by a single firework.

    On the Fourth proper we grilled out bbq chicken and whirled sparklers around like retards because I have an intense fear of blowing my hand clear off its wrist with regular fireworks. Hey, I might be a tomboy but I still have my pussy moments.

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  7. It rained, ceaselessly, ALL DAMN DAY. Ruined my plans of sitting poolside with the Golden Elixir in hand. So I sat inside, Golden Elixir in hand. It stopped pouring just in time for the Town’s fireworks where someone knocked some over and almost blew up all the technicians. You gotta love rednecks.

    Sunday was much better, indeed. Pool, beer, more fireworks.

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  8. On the Fourth: nothing. Half the family was out of town on vacation, and the other half is so dysfunctional that nobody invited anyone to do anything together. At 10PM, I went out in the backyard and HEARD the fireworks at the park, but my trees are so tall, now, I couldn’t see a thing. Finished the evening by consuming large amounts of boxwine and Fresca. Yea, mixed together. I call it a guzzler.

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  9. watched x-men on tv and drank a bloody mary. was just fine.

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  10. Went to the wife’s class reunion Class of ’74.
    Drank shots of Crown and worshed them dowm with some Dark Straub beer.yummy.

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  11. Right before and right after the 4th, we were heading to MA to visit relatives. I ‘waved’ to you Jeff as we passed through Scranton/Wilkes-Barre on I81. We even stopped at the Sheetz – just across from the Moheagan Sun on the way home.

    Did you notice that Peter Frampton is going to be at the Casino in about 2 weeks? Man I think that would be an awesome concert!

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  12. The Evil Twin grilled burgers and dogs. We ate way too much, had an afternoon nap (ignored the children), and then we had friends we hadn’t seen in over a decade over for some wine and good times! It was perfect.

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  13. It was the 4th of July in Charleston- we did what we’ve done the last three (four?) years: duck the rain.

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  14. What, no cell-phone photo of the fat man? I feel deprived.

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  15. Well, top 20 a least, OK move along, nothing to see here…

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  16. I’m still too traumatized to talk about Saturday. Long story short, it involved a barbecue at a stranger’s house, lots of Bible-thumping conservatives praising Jesus every chance they got, and not nearly enough alcohol as evidenced by the fact that despite my being happy and non-confrontational when I drink, I felt the need to spout off something about the Republican party being hijacked by the religious right. (The shout-outs to Jesus were truly excessive and I lost control.) For a split second, I could hear crickets chirping, and then the apocalypse came…. it weren’t pretty. Funny how those religious folk can become downright un-Christlike quicker than a hooker can get her panties off.

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  17. 4th of July weekend was one long blur from Thursday night until about 9 am Monday morning. Nuttin’ like finishing off a 3 day weekend with Martini’s at midnight. Still can feel my liver aching.

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  18. We went to the lake house and saw some fireworks over Lake Huron. We sat REALLY close to where they were setting them off and it was pretty cool. Those things were exploding right on top of us. We were so close you could see the little parachutes hooked to the burning pieces to keep them afloat after the shell explodes. It was very loud too. Drank a lot beers by the firepit everynight. Wish it was a bit warmer.

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  19. “shaking the front one-third of their bodies”

    I laughed out loud in my cubicle.

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  20. Jeff – Fishing rule number one – 90% of the fish are only in 10% of the water. – Bill Dance

    Rule number two – If you see more than one other person fishing, go to another lake.

    Rule number three – 90% of fishing is bait presentation. Fish won’t eat it if it don’t look edible or injured.

    BTW – Crappie, Spots and Blue Gill run early morning and late evening when bugs are more likely to be around the water surface. But a good father/son male bonding experience outweighs any day fishing unless of course your talking Marlin then all bets are off.

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  21. Was at brother’s house in St. Pete over the weekend. Partied A-LOT!! Floated a keg, Jaeger, 12pack of the Elixer and more. That’s vaguely all I remember. LOL!! Good times !!

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  22. @ Brynhildr – Sorry to hear you were in a state of spiritual trauma. Watching the pup (shes not really a pup at 3) run along the beach at sunrise was the extent of my spiritual excitement although I do enjoy the solitude somewhat. Gives me time to reflect on my thoughts.

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  23. Good God! I’ve tried to post this three times.

    On the 4th, we went to a party I was forced to go to. There were 70 people there. I knew 6. It was full of pretentious assholes and fake tits. It was in the penthouse on the 17th floor of a highrise across from Sarasota Bay, where they let off the fireworks. Good food, good fireworks (eye level) and no conversations from me, since I don’t drink and everyone else was (except for the children). Spent most of the time talking to my 12 and 5 year year olds. I can’t bring myself to type the rest for a fourth time.

    Did you know- at 12:34 and 56 seconds today, (07/08/09)….I don’t know where that was leading.

    On IPOD right now- “Prison Sex”- Tool

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  24. 4th of July….sneaked out of work under the guise of “science” and went downtown and watched the parade. Later, went on my lunch break to take of free burgers and dogs in the park in the city center. No fireworks…but this IS the land of the midnight sun, hence that would be as worthless as going to an afternoon matinee at a drive-in theatre down in the Lower 48.
    All in all, a nice 4th. Hopefully will be spending it in Western NY next year. Man, the people on the East Coast really do know how to celebrate the 4th!

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  25. @ Gretchen – I’m gonna disregard that last line.

    Playing on the iPod now – “She whispers my name” – Michael Franks

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  26. @Shiny Rod: Yeah, you can take it or leave it. :)

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  27. Hey Pickles, nice to see you back in the mix.

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  28. @ Gretchen – Now that sounds like an interesring proposition.

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  29. Michael Schenker (with Gary Barden on vocals) was in the vicinity both Friday and Saturday nights, and since he has been my guitar god since I was 13 I felt the need to go to both shows. I almost bowed out of Saturday night, but I’m SO glad I didn’t! The place was ridiculously small, and there was about 100 people there. It was more like a private party than a gig. Got some killer pictures, too. Nothing but classic UFO and MSG. The best playing I’ve seen out of him in 15 years. Awesome.
    In other news, we met the Beast’s brother randomly at a Swiss Dog Picnic on Sunday. Good News! Louie isn’t the stupidest one in the family! I think it may be a tie.

    Happy Wednesday, Surfers!

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  30. Interesting that is…

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  31. Took the family to the racetrack to bet on the ponies and watch fireworks (few loud boomers because of the horses). Only won one bet; down $60 on the night.

    On Saturday I attended Scott Baio’s funeral. Fonzi had a nice eulogy but Erin Moran came in ‘big’.

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  32. Kids are tiny…a scared by our tiny fireworks display. Drank beer and hung with the in-laws and my Pops. Good times.

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  33. drive trout lake walk mosquito waterfall hornet swim hamburger scone park silly photographs chairlift drive punk rock

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  34. If I had an extra 350 bucks laying around, I would OWN that Further Evidence link…

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  35. Shiny Rod — Ain’t nothin’ spiritual about me, those folk, or our shared experience.

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  36. Didn’t even leave my apartment on the 4th. Didn’t even shower!

    Fireworks shows in the Phoenix area are not for me. I have no desire to fight crowds and sit around in 105 degree heat.

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  37. My very first July 4th in the States! Staying at a friends beachouse in Maine drove down on the first stopped off in Wells to buy a sweat shirt because it was freezing! was in the store 5 freaking miniutes came out to find a 25buck meter expired ticket on the car! way to encourage tourists! the Fog rolled in off the ocean like a bad John Carpenter Movie & never left! should have stayed home in Canada & watched the fireworks on T.V. as per usual!!

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  38. On the upside I had my first truly awesome religious experience! A New Hampshire Liquor Store!

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  39. This feller here was having a good time till the police stopped him!
    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31795305/ns/us_news-weird_news?GT1=43001

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  40. @ Brynhildr – Thats good to know, I was bit concerned with the mention of tramatized. I see you handled it with candor and grace. i was hoping to enhance your smile. How’s the reading coming along?

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  41. @ WB in OH – Dammit, I told Jason he was too drunk. He must have went looking for Billy Squire.

    Playing on the iPod now – “Before Dawn” – Joyce Cooling

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  42. Shiny Rod — no time to read lately. Those people tried to exorcise me for three days. They finally gave up this morning.

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  43. I got topless, in somebody’s car, and me and the somebody made out. I also hacked up quite a bit of lung butter throughout my holiday weekend. Fuckin’ pseudo swine flu.

    Used to be that same girl- onion pits and all (and was actually compared quite often, and still, to looking like Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver)! I never properly bathed myself until the end of 5th grade (and had been “developing” since the 3rd). I remember coming home from school after a rough day thinking to myself/asking mom “Why don’t the other kids like me?” Why didn’t she just answer honestly? Jerk.

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  44. @Shiny Rod, That’s funny!

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  45. @ Brynhildr – I’m somewhere between nights 10 and 16. I am astonished that they would be that persistant. Wait, no, I’m not. If they only knew what I know about the Bible and it’s origins but I’m not gonna push the subject any further. At least they didn’t call for a Kirk Cameron intervention. Hehe!!!

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  46. We bar-b-que’d a ton of meat
    (chops/ribs/dawgs/chicken)
    because we had family visiting
    We later hit Jekyll Island
    (Jeff’s old stomping ground .. LOL)
    so they could experience fireworks on the beach.

    And I proceeded to make another video of the explosions
    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9sjiv_jekyll-island-independence-day-2009_travel
    .. In case anyone is interested.

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  47. Spent the 4th with inlaws, watching the same old fireworks show to the same old twangy ‘Well I’m proud to be an Ammeerriiccaan….’ crap the show is always set to.
    Was a little disappointed the alcohol consumption didn’t hit as hard as I hoped. I had purposefully not drank any golden elixirs for two weeks prior in hopes to get crawling drunk on the 4th, but instead I had a slight buzz even after 6 bottles were consumed. Strange….

    Now playing on iPhone: The White Stripes, ‘I’m Lonely (But I Ain’t That Lonely)’

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  48. On the 4th we went to a party on the east end of Long Island (my wife’s family). Pefect weather, the backyard was the Peconic Bay, and plenty of beer. Add to that Filets, lobster, and shrimp, and you had one happy bastard.

    Sunday I spent the day at the beach with my wife and kids.

    If I had to live those two days over for the rest of my life, I’d die a happy man.

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  49. sounds like a great time, not surrounded by people sweating it up to Lee Greenwood singing his one hit wonder: Proud to be An American for the 100th time. that guy is officially creepy.

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  50. I actually think I know the ice cream place you’re talking about! It’s WAY out in the middle of nowhere but worth it and the place always seems crowded. I have friends who have a place on Handsome Lake which is nearby.

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  51. Brynhildr, you sound like a tool. I don’t blame the Christian folk. I say you were asking for it.

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  52. Uh oh….

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  53. I brought home a new baby. This time it was mine!

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  54. Good Evening Surf Reporters…..

    Fishing. Damn if it ain’t something I used to do but haven’t in oh so long.
    Nightcrawlers aren’t meant to be segmented ala scissors. Hook that squirmin’ bastard and wrap it round cuppla two tree times. Put the biggest bobber you got about a foot above and heave ho.

    Then again that’s not necessarily doable when fishing shoulder to shoulder.

    Next time, I suggest making a batch of doughball and go to the nearest river. Catch a carp as big as your arm.

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  55. oh, excellent fantastic superb update JK, by the way…

    as always the Bunker Cam, Further Evidence and the daily essential Classic always come in handy in times like these

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  56. @ Wisey in Tulsa – You don’t want to go there do you. You want some response, you come at me. I believe you owe her a big apology. For one, we do not attack people on this blog and I think you stepped wrong. So if you wish to continue posting here, please offer her your apology.

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  57. @ JCIII – Carp are good fighters but not good eating. Dough works good for catfish though.

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  58. @ Shiny Rod – I appreciate the sentiment, even if I can be a tool sometimes. However….

    @ Wisey – I am not offended at your calling me a tool since you were not present to witness what I endured at the hands of the 10 or so Christians in question. Everyone was enjoying themselves, when an elderly woman leaned over and asked me if I was saved. I politely told her that I was not and hinted that I was agnostic. And that was when the proselytizing began – how can you NOT believe, who do you think created this world, Jesus said this, Jesus said that, Jesus was the only way that my life had any meaning, doom awaited me if I did not believe and so on. It was the wrong place, wrong time for such a discussion. In order to get away, I excused myself and went to the bathroom, but when I came out, one of the 10 was waiting outside the door. I thought he just wanted to use the facilities, but no, he was there to tag team me and talk about Jesus. I humored him for a moment and then made another escape. He followed a few minutes later, but this time, he brought his brother for support.

    More nodding, more polite conversation, followed by another escape, this time to chit-chat with the host, who — as I soon found out — was the younger brother of the two who were following me and the son of the aforementioned elderly woman. The host was able to distract them for a bit by asking them to restock the ice chests, after which he apologized profusely. When the brothers came back, they enlisted a few more of the 10 to try to talk to me and to the woman I was now talking to. We tried changing the subject a number of times, and I even told them that I was not comfortable talking about religion, but they continued on about Jesus. The host saw the two of us in distress and pulled his brothers aside to ask them to stop. The moratorium lasted all of 20 minutes while we ate. I think the host asked them no less than 4 times to please change the topic of discussion (and more specifically to respect my beliefs and leave me alone) before we decided to cut our losses and go home early. When I went over to thank the host for allowing me to come, his wife asked if we were leaving because of her husband’s family. I said no, but she knew I was lying. So she yelled at her husband to get his brothers under control and begged us to stay.

    Shortly thereafter, I was having an interesting political discussion with a nice gentleman, when one of the host’s brothers came over, butted in, and proclaimed that I must be “one of those godless fools intent on destroying this great country with [my] immoral ways”. And that’s when I lost it and made the comment about the religious right. What happened next was surreal and straight out of a bad movie. Before I knew it, 4 of the so-called Christians were raising their voices and pointing fingers. “Jesus despises people like you who profane god!” “You will rot with the Devil and his minions!” “Your spirit is unclean and not worth saving.” I mean, whoa, where did that kind of hostility come from? And why were they attacks suddenly personal? Kinda un-Christlike if you ask me. I was really shocked that people like that existed.

    So no, Wisey, I am not the tool here.

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  59. The Fourth was no big deal over here, so the wife and I did the same as usual. Folks over here light firecrackers 24/7, so it’s tough to tell when to get excited. Muthafucka’s invented the shit.

    As for agressive Christians, I love getting into with them. Because it is so easy to run rings around the logically. My brother and his wife are very devout, but they are super cool about it. True Christians.

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  60. Oh, and whoever the creepy “Proud to be an American” dude is (Lou Greenhood?), he should change the song to “Lucky to be an American”. America is the greatest country on earth, but what did Lou ever do to become an American? And what exactly is he proud of? Oh yeah, because “at least I know I’m free”. Proud to at least know that you are free. How does that make sense?

    Americans are lucky that some dudes back in the 18th century decided on a little experiment, and apparently it worked out quite well. And Lou was lucky enough to be born there. Congratulations Lou, proud to be born.

    As the worlds bestest country, we should show a little humility, admit that we lucked out, and ask the other countries if we could help out in any way. That would be the Christian thing to do.

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  61. bible bangers!! crap they make me sweat!!

    Watched a redneck parade complete with semis and tractors(one decked out with a train whistle, wtf)?? Scare the pants off you on the highway if you heard that. almost gave me a heart attack and I wasn’t even in a moving vehicle.

    No fireworks as my younguns are too young..don’t want crying screaming little people to usher in a car long after bedtime. I might be a 4th of July nazi…hmm

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  62. @ Brynhildr – They don’t know my dear, they just don’t know. I wish I was there to tell them a thing or two an defend your honor. These are the same kind of people that go around blowing up abortion clincs and killing Doctors then claim they were sent by God. You are right, this is not chritian behavior, this is fanaticism at it’s worst. They have no right to condemn anyone when they live in sin themselves. OK, I’ve said my piece, I’m gonna exhale and it will be all gone. There, Shiny’s back. Nuff said…

    @ Wisey in Tulsa – I told you so…Peace

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  63. Gretchen – we stayed in a hotel in P’burgh on the heels of a furries convention. a member of the housekeeping staff said that some of the comforters and sheets had been chewed to the point of being frayed and had to be thrown away.

    brynhilder – I know it’s difficult to contain myself when people are spouting off such kooky kooky shit!

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  64. @Alice: Holy shit, that’s crazy! What’s wrong with those people?! All I ever think of when I see them come to town is the CSI episode about them. Specifically the “fur pile” scene. Shudder.

    @brynhilder: Sorry you were treated here to the same kind of ignorance you saw over the weekend. We’re not usually like that; must have been a troll. When I lived in rural Ohio for six hellish years I got into those sorts of skirmishes all the time. There were even businesses who refused to go ahead and work on my kitchen, plumbing, what have you, without proof that I was living in a Christian manner (I didn’t take my husband’s last name; that riles up a lot of ‘em). I started to go a little “Jack is a dull boy” insane out there. Thank gawd I’m back in civilization again! Good luck to you in avoiding future conflicts. And hopefully the trolls will stay off this, uh, online journal.

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  65. A little contribution to the whole “holy roller” thing…
    Back when my dad was still in business, he had a customer who stopped in the office every month to make her payment.
    She always spouted off that dad was insulting God by smoking cigarettes, or drinking coffee, harming his body, the temple of his soul, etc. etc.
    Dad always just kind of let it go in one ear and out the other.
    Then one day she said “Jack, I spoke with God last night and He told me to tell you that you need to save yourself.”
    My dad, without hesitation said
    “You know, that’s funny. I was talking to God last night too, and He told me to tell you to Shut the Fuck Up.”

    She made her payments by mail from there on in.

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  66. Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the support.

    Taiwan On — “lucky” to be an American is exactly right, and everyone should have at least one a-ha moment in their lives when that becomes clear. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental, just something that makes you appreciate what you have.

    One such moment for me happened sometime in March 1987 around 10pm in a Moscow subway station. The trains were supposed to run until 1am but a couple of operators decided to go home early, and instead of calling in someone to finish the shift, they shut down the line for the night. We were stranded, finding a taxi was impossible, and it was very, very cold out. As we sat in front of the subway system map discussing how to get to a station on another line, Becky (a Canadian) mumbled, “This would never happen in the US.” I chuckled and agreed. Neither of us was looking forward to going outside so we sat in a secluded corner for a bit while we got up our nerve to face the cold. Then she told me that she had always loved “The Star Spangled Banner” and started singing. It struck me as odd that a Canadian would know all the words, so I asked her to teach me “O Canada”. And there we sat, two 20-year-old girls, quietly singing the US and Canadian national anthems, freezing our butts off and feeling a bit homesick.

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  67. JC, Your dad sounds a lot like mine!

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  68. CBS – I almost missed your post. Congratulations on the baby!

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  69. @CBS: I missed it too! Congratulations!

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  70. The 4th….Went to the ‘Burg’s firework display which was so-so. Anyway, we rode the bikes down and squeezed our way into the Station Square parking lot to the dismay of several security guards……god damn bikers….. There were several of us including one lone asshole who was way too drunk to be driving on 4 wheels let alone on 2. He was “dumped” on us by another couple whom he followed to a picnic we all attended. Wotta dickbeater…..breathing his nasty-ass, drunk, piano-teeth breath all over everyone, especially the ladies. I quiver in disqust. He followed us to the firework display…we couldn’t lose him…..unfortunately. He preceded to put on a good show for all the families in attendance by: 1. Simulating fucking our bike on the side of the seat. (Truth be told, it is a pretty hot bike, but the tailpipe in in the back, douchbag…heh) 2. Telling a black couple with 3 kids that were trying to park, “HEY nigger…you can’t park there!” 3. Telling a giant of a man and his wife that his gay-ass Honda Goldwing is not welcome amoung the Harley’s.

    My girlfriend got to him before I did and told him if he opened his fucking mouth one more time, his new nickname would be “Half-sack”. Fuckin’ animal.

    We finally lost him and ended up at a Karaoke Bar…yuc. But pretty amusing, I must say.

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  71. In honor of Jeff’s distinguished taste in fast food…

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/parenting/detail?entry_id=41786

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  72. @ Brynhildr – and that is why I avoid fast food…

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  73. CBS – Congrats on the baby! :-) I hope you two are getting plenty of rest. It speeds up everyday from here.

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  74. @ CBS – Sorry I missed your post. Got all caught up in the moment. Congrats on the new addition. Now remember those breathing exercises cause your gonna need them again in a few more years. Say 13 or 14…

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  75. While we’re doing a fooder thing……

    http://www.theonion.com/content/video/taco_bells_new_green_menu_takes?utm_source=a-section

    I’ll leave my rant on the the thumpers to myself as they should. Freaks/ wackos….but hey….”if the shoe fits”….I’m shrugging and my sholders are damn near over my head…fuck ‘em!

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  76. @Brynhildr – I’m a Canuck and totally know and love the star spangled banner anyone who watches sports (actually I don’t) would know it . It always reminds me though of a Simpsons episodes where the singers hold notes so long that the sun goes down and back up. – Hilarious.

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  77. @ bikerchick – You have great resilience. I would have clocked him at #1. I have a low tolerance for ignorance and intoxication is not an excuse to be ignorant. Must be one of my bad flaws. I have an even lower tolerance for racial epitath although I have to bite my tongue because of my position.

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  78. @ DTO – I am LMAO “only 4% meat” and this one really got me “Soon, you’ll be eating the same garbage you throw away!”

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  79. Touch late with this but work has beat me down. My 4th sucked–spent the day wrestling with laundry cause my drier is fucked and the part is “on a big Whirlpool shipment and will be here tomorrow” every day for the past 2-1/2 weeks. I had to dry at 6 loads in one tiny, crummy pay laundromat half broken down piece-of-shit @ 75 cents a pop with at least two cycles per load. Half of my underwear has big chunks chewed out of the butt and black marks on everything. There were some fireworks at my house, but mostly me at my husband. I’m going to Sears tomorrow and write ‘em out a check.

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  80. @Brynhildr your response to wisey will probably confuse him (her) it was polite, well thought out and intelligent! I recall in “Madeupinthemiddleages” chapter VII vs 7 when Thomas doubts Jebus & Jebus responds: Thomas you are such a Tool! Would’nt it be nice if someone coule explain to Christians that their religion is supposed to be based on tolerance! What the Hell do I know I’m a Pagan:)

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  81. This just in……13hrs and 20min. ago (MST)…it became Thursday

    http://thewvsr.com/thursdaytheme.htm

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  82. @ Shiny Rod – No, it’s not a bad flaw to have a low tolerance for asshole’s. Thank God we don’t see this idiot too often. The annoyance level is super high WITHOUT alcohol!!

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  83. @ DTO – *Shrugging* Well, If the shoe fits…

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  84. @ Taiwan On – Excellent Mockable, I feel your pain and brother I mean I feel your pain…

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  85. @Shiny Rod….I finally got it….you’re like the ‘in the booth guy’ for the wvsr doing the play by play here for the game we’re all playing. You do the action and the color. Well done sir! Vin Skully is the only solo booth man I know of. I like Dennis miller but I that was a mistake….I’m sure he does too. Anyway….cool!. I like your style.

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  86. I could be first right now if I wanna!

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  87. My buddies and I repeated our annual tradition (ever since high school) of going out to my family’s ranch and launching about $1000 worth of fireworks over the lake while drinking beer. Each year it seems like there are more fireworks and less beer.

    This year the show lasted 6 hours (8 pm to 2 am).

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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