5 Big Questions for a Small Hiatus
Hello Surf Reporters!
By the time you read this, I should be settled into Yurt 15. My computer and notebooks will be positioned the way I like ‘em, and the place will smell like fresh-brewed coffee and Pine-Sol. The ridiculous roundhouse in the woods will be mine until 10 am on Friday, and hopefully I’ll emerge with a completed third draft of my “book.” If not, I’ll transfer operations to the library, and give it one final push.
I have hopes of updating the site somewhere along the line, but there’s a possibility it won’t happen. I mean, let’s be realistic here. So, I’ve decided to just drop five questions on ya, all at once. And you guys can maintain the Surf Report while I’m away, by answering and discussing the various topics. How’s that sound?
Needless to say, there’s no requirement to answer all of the questions (or any of them). But you certainly can, if you’d like. Heck, I won’t even be here to monitor it, so do what you want. Within reason. And I’ll be back as soon as possible.
Question 1: What song would you like played at your funeral? I’m thinking “Yakkety Sax,” or maybe just a CD full of Halloween sound effects. What about you?
Question 2: What’s the most overrated movie of all time? I’m having a little trouble with this one. Titanic jumps immediately to mind, but that’s the problem… it’s obvious. I’m confident you can do better.
Question 3: Who is the laziest person you’ve ever known? I’ve worked with several lazy bastards who just showed up for a living, and didn’t have the energy required to lift their feet off the ground – they’d just cross-country ski down the hall – and slurred their speech because clear enunciation was too tall an order. There’s no way to pick just one, because they were all the same. Do you have anything on it?
Question 4: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve done to pass the time, while sitting on the toilet? I’ve brought in my laptop, of course, and sent my brother emails that read, “I’m emailin’ while crappin’!” Yes, I’m 47. What of it? And when I was a little kid I ate a Fudgesicle while perched atop the throne. My parents saw me coming out of the bathroom with it, and commenced to telling the entire state of West Virginia. Sheesh. What’s so wrong with eating fudge while pooping?
Question 5: Excluding people and pets, what would be the first things you’d grab if your house was on fire, and you only had a few minutes to get out? I’d go for my phone, laptop, and stack o’ notebooks beside my computer monitor. No family photos, you ask? Um… I’m sure Toney would grab them. Right?
See you on the other side, my friends!
Filed under: Daily
1st?!
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Tex Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
1. No question here- You Can’t Always Get What You Want…2nd choice Brokendoen Palace by the G Dead.
2. It think it has to be Titanic
4. Reading or doing those things 13 year olds do with a dirty magazine.
5. I have a small box of semi-valuable comics also my Keith Richards for President shirt.
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2pm, 3pm, close enough.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters………
Way to go, WB in OH
Now on to the 5 questions…. but I have to read them first.
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11 hours, imagine the smell!
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Nickel…
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Q1: Strictly Genteel – FZ. makes me tear up
Q2: Blair Witch Project – I mean seriously
Q3: Does not matter, they are all dead
Q4: Had sex – no poop involved thank you very much
Q5: Laptop, 73 Gibson Les Paul Custom, Martin 00016
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bikerchick Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Hey Unc….I agee the Blair Witch Project was overrated. But it creeped the fuck out of me and to this day the ending still bothers me. >full body shiver<
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Q #1: “Always look on the bright side of life” Monty Python
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1. Enter Sandman, Metallica
2. ?????
3. Probably me.
4. Eating on the shitter is a little gross, I’ve had a beer on the shitter however, totally not gross.
5. I would grab my two favorite handguns, the little lock box with the savings bonds and my first edition “Hunt for Red October”. I should probably store all those a little closer together come to think of it.
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Tpp 10!!
I want Hansen “MmmmBOP” on continuous loop at my funeral.
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Dave's not here, man Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Why, so people will join you in death?
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Question 1: What song would you like played at your funeral? I don’t care, I won’t hear it. But Chickenfoot “Soap on a Rope” suits me…
Question 2: “Gone with the Wind” Who needs to be reminded of that travesty again!
Question 3: Who is the laziest person you’ve ever known? Baseball players who use steroids to enhance their performance.
Question 4: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve done to pass the time, while sitting on the toilet? I don’t stick around long enough to think about it.
Question 5: Excluding people and pets, what would be the first things you’d grab if your house was on fire, and you only had a few minutes to get out? The keys to the handcuffs…
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I’ll start with the song question. I got two..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX4hN2KAaww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85gO8XLb4ug.
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Do you see a hula-hoop of keys hanging off of my hip on some sort of extendo-chain. No I’m not your janitor, I won’t keep up your site. I will not clean up commenter comments with green saw-dust.
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bikerchick Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
…….I do not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I Am………
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I think every female that visits here will agree with me that women do not eat food anywhere near the toilet at anytime. We not above holding on for dear life while returning foodish substance or banging our head or other body part on it while, nevermind. But eat food. Unh uh.
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cc Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
I’m with you Vicki! Eating? On the toilet? I’m barely there long enough to read a paragragh in a book. I think that if you feel the need to come up with ideas to ‘pass the time’ on the toilet, you should probably be making lists of ways to increase your fiber intake.
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clintcurtis Reply:
September 18th, 2010 at 12:14 am
au contraire, Vicki! I have two daughters, one of which I saw eating a sandwich as she was sitting on the toilet. Ewwww, gross!
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That should be WE’RE. It’s hard to peck keyboard while holding mouth in the eww, gross pose.
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I’ve been rolling for about 10 minutes on thinking of “Yakkity Sax” playing at my funeral. All gussied up and dead. HA!
I would like to have very loud white noise playing at my funeral, assuming my family doesn’t just dump me off a bridge like I told them to. This way everyone would have to speak very loudly to hear each other. I want them all, all six people who came (including that guy who is just there asking for directions to a Conoco station) to know what everyone else is saying. There will be no respectful whispering when I’m dead and gone, no sir. I want it good an out-of-placingly loud.
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Question 2 for now:
Forrest Gump
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Juancho Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
I concur. I got yer box of chocolates Tom Hanks. God that movie irritates me.
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#4… I may have a beer with me but I’m a “git er done” and git kinda guy. When i was pubeular, I stayed longer but not enough to arouse suspision…”git er done”.
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Question 2: That new one with all the blue cats. Uhh…Trivitar,shit Avatar. Yeah that’s it. It’s about as interesting a “The English Patient” and… well… I tried to watch it twice, at a friends house, and ended up leaving both times. I got about 45 minutes in and I can’t tell you what the hell it’s about.
Question 3: Every boss I have ever had.
Question 4: I do all kinds of shit on the toilet.
The most interesting thing that I can think of right now is that I once shot a squirrel while I was on the toilet leaving a crap. Shot him out the bathroom window. Sometimes I’ll sneak in a Baby Ruth or a Snickers and walk out eating it just to gross my wife out. But something she does that I will not do is talk on the phone. Man I hate that.
Question 5: My bug out bag.
I am sure I will come up with better stuff later. Especially the toilet thing.
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Chuck in Belpre Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
You keep firearms in your bathroom? Do you sing I Shot the Charmin while you are in there?
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WB in OH Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
You don’t keep a firearm handy in the bathroom Chuck. Good luck fending off intruders throwing rolls of toilet paper at them.
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Gretchen Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
LOL!
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johnthebasket Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 2:51 am
Good Heavenly Lord, what the heck kind of neighborhood do you guys live in where you have to keep a handgun next to the toilet? I guess it’s OK if you don’t have kids. Or crazy friends. In any case, I think you’re protected by Amendment #2.
jtb
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WB in OH Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:58 am
At this time.
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WB in OH Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 8:35 am
Oh damn, why didn’t I make this connection sooner…Hey, if it was good enough Elvis…
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WB in OH Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 8:36 am
fuck, for Elvis…
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1. I’ve thought about this, it always comes down to variations of hot rods doing burnouts with open exhaust.
2. titanic came to mind even before I got to where you mentioned it. Lower case on porpoise.
3. I could write volumes. If something gets me with a harrassm,ent charge at work, its going to be from me telling some jackass what I think of their laziness.
4. Last minute circuit design during the college years. Maybe not that interesting, but probably the most intensive.
5. Tools and car keys.
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Alex Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
placeholder.
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There have been firearms in my bathroom in the past. I don’t keep them their anymore. Before I sold off almost all my guns I had at least one gun in every room, including large closets. Now I only have a few weapons in safe yet functional locations.
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1) Dead Flowers – the Rolling Stones. It would be nice if someoneleft roses on my grave.
2) Chariots of Fire. Yawn
3). Wow – I know some people who wouldn’t move if they were having a fit.
4). “Lather. Rinse. Repeat” has ben known to become a mantra when I’ve been caught off guard with nothing to read.
5). Too much shit – let it all burn but if I had the time, my Rolling Stones collection because some of that stuff is worth a few bucks.
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Tex Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Dead Flowers is a great and wise choice,,,
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1. That loud creepy sound from “A Space Odyssey 2001″
2. Avatar.
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#5…my horns. You all knew I’d say that but the thought on my horns I’ve stood behind for years and I’m one with to just be a melted heap? I could not bear it. They are truly irreplaceable. They are not an off the shelf item. Anything else…all my music and books…getable again. And I’m gonna grab some beer and a couple bottles of wine to enjoy the show.
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Question 1: What song would you like played at your funeral? haven’t really thought about it, but something stupid. Maybe “Go, Greased Lightnin’, GO” from the Grease musical?
Question 2: Blair Witch project. Seriously, WTF??
Question 3: Who is the laziest person you’ve ever known? Mumbles or whoever the retard is that gets wiped out by the 45 minute commute twice a week
Question 4: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve done to pass the time, while sitting on the toilet? I am a very quick shitter. Do not like to linger at all, I’m in & out in 3 minutes.
Question 5: Excluding people and pets, what would be the first things you’d grab if your house was on fire, and you only had a few minutes to get out? I would probably grab something totally random, like the silverware drawer, then spend the rest of my life wondering why I risked my life for table utensils.
By silverware I mean the drawer crammed with a bazillion Disney Princess, superhero, and Thomas the Train eating utensils. We do not own any silver.
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madz1962 Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Go Greased Lighting is a fine Choice. Maybe I’llcnage mine to Ray Stevens “The Streak”
No joke, I was in the middle of a massive brush fire and we had time to load the cars while waiting to be evacuated (which, as it turns out, we never were). the shit we grabbed – a 50 pound bag of dog food, a package of Perdue chicken, along with an antique phone and a packet of drawing pencils… really all WTF kind of items…
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1. “People Who Died” Jim Carroll
2. “Top Gun” and just about every other Tom Cruise movie.
3. pass
4. I regularly play anagrams and hangman on an ancient handheld electronic game.
5. Underwear, Important Records File, toothbrush, exterior hardrive, stuffed Wampa toy. Hey, at least one of my priorities has to be screwed up!
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Gretchen Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I meant “external” hard drive. I need some caffeine.
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johnthebasket Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 3:03 am
Shoot, Gretchen, for a moment I thought you were brilliant in storing data outside in case of fire. You might consider storing some underwear outdoors if it’s that important. I would consider going commando in the event of an inferno, but we all have our own priorities.
jtb
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cc Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
LOL John! New, at Victorias Secret…the Exterior Underware Collection.
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#1: Silver and Gold (Before I Grow Too Old) – Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros
#2: The English Patient – a film about pretentious, spoiled, rotten to the core lovers who die anyway, and not a moment too soon. What a pile of crap and waste of 2.5 hours that thing was.
#3: Easily, my 14 year old son is the laziest person I know. He can complain that sleeping and eating are too much work.
#4: I once fixed a piece of electronica, a computer I think, whilst on the shitter. I was short on time.
#5: Computer and iPod, for sure. To hell with the phone, I never want to answer it anyway. It’s always someone who wants me to do something for them.
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That guy who sits in the front at funerals is pretty lazy. I mean shit, he brings his own custom cot to lay in. Have you seen this guy? Have you seen how plush his cot is? He’s been at just about every funeral I’ve been to. I mean, how is it that he puts the effort into getting all dressed up, make up and all (what a homo), an then he just lays there for hours and hours. And the funerals are usually for him, what a pompous lazy ass.
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madz1962 Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
And I bet someone went through the trouble of choosing some dignified music, too and he’s just lying there – not even listening. The nerve!
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icecycle66 Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Exactly he’s just laying there not giving a shit. i can’t wait ’till he dies, or moves to Detroit, and gets out of all of our lives.
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madz1962 Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Yeah, and if he doesn’t like it he can just drop dead. Useless prick.
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1. All I need is the air that I breathe
2. Steel Magnolias
3. Any Cricket Player
4. Email from Blackberry
5. Insurance Policy
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Most over-rated movie: Children of Men
Another: Michael Clayton
And: Slumdog Millionaire
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Ian the Errolite Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:16 am
I think Slumdog Millionaire is pretty good.
The other two slipped below my radar.
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#2…Deep Throat. I know a lot of girls who can do that.
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Funeral song – Maynard playing Birdland. It’s always been my favorite. Or if there are strippers at my funeral it would be “Back in black”.
Movie – cloverfield…it could have been so much better.Avatar’s already been said but that was my first choice.
Lazy – the girl. She would rather throw herself to the floor rather than make a pot of tea. She can veg all day…all weekend…all week. She’s lucky she’s shaped like a woodland elf.
Toilet multitasking…barfing…reading a textbook…taking conference calls…brush my teeth
in case of fire…keys…laptop…everything important is in the fireproof safe….the rest can burn baby burn
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KYDave Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 11:30 am
I don’t know if she’s the Laziest person I’ver ever known, but I did tell my wife yesterday that its a good thing she looks good in a pair of jeans….
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funeral song? The electric slide.
Movie – Rocky Horror or Willy Wonka can go fuck themselves.
Lazy – Possibly me. Once I get going I’m good, but getting off the couch is a bitch.
Toilet – Pet the cat, shave, brush teeth, there are always books there, email, vomit, and of course sometimes when I’m taking a shit I tend to take a shit.
Fire? Computer, phone.
Speaking of toilets. I’m working on a comedy bit about sitting on the toilet and throwing up.
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Oh and a girl was sitting in my seat on the airplane today, so I crop dusted her.
Last night saw the Reds kick the crap out of the d-bags for my birthday. Section 132, row T, seat 1. God I love that team.
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1. Thug Mansion
2. Gump
3.Me
4.Floss
5.guitar
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Number 4: Same thing I do every day: Bring the radio in, listen to NPR News, or Performance Today (Classical music), and read the the newspaper. Then do the shit, shower, and shave thing, to great classical music, thanks to West Virginia Public Radio, the best public radio station in the country.
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Song – Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag – James Brown
Movie – Avatar – I want my money back Mr. Cameron
Lazy – me
On the pot – Drink coffee – brush teef
Laptop
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#3…I guess the only one I can think of is a fat slob I worked with. He was a slob regardless of his heft and always acted like everything took him by surprise or you just woke him up. I think he may have been trying to be cool and laid back but he was just a lazy fuck. So lazy that insted of going for a tissue, he’d wipe his nose by pulling up his t-shirt, showing all the world his fat, fat gut complete with stretch marks. I tried to feel sorry for him but just couldn’t. I always called him…”Germ Boy”…even to his face.
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Ok there…I batted for the cycle. Now…I think I’ll revisit the woodland nymphs and the like that have made a home in my head. I love meeting new friends.
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I’m with Vicki. One must not eat in the bathroom. Smells are millions of molecules hitting the nostril cavities. Poo smells. Therefore, if you eat/drink in the bathroom, you are eating/drinking poo molecules that have landed on your food/drink. EWWWWW!!
Q2: Someone mentioned it already, “Chariots of Fire”. All I remember is two guys running. But as to the rest of the story, I have no idea.
Q5: The husband and I know what items must be grabbed up in case of fire. Guitars and basses, hockey jerseys, box with important papers, and the computer.
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1. My Way -Sid Vicious
2. Any Johnny Depp ‘cept Benny n Joon
3. W.V. state government workers (I used to be a temp)
4. I shit and get .
5. weed
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Ian the Errolite Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:18 am
Donnie Brasco is pretty decent too.
Your answer to question 5 is my answer to question 4!
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Oh I forgot Donnie Brasco , I think it’s his recent stuff that turns me off, Johnny needs to get over himself !
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1. Country Roads
4. Twins, and their mom (not in reality, but it happened in the head…).
5. External hard drive, fire proof safe (yeah, I’m not sold).
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1. Won’t be there (well, I guess I will but I’ll be a little out of sorts) so it don’t really matter because I won’t have much say in it anyway.
2. Have to go with titanic, a three hour movie with a whole 15 seconds of tits.
3. As a postal woker, I can honestly say that some of the social promotion experiments in postal management (promoted not on abilty to function but on the threat of EEO filing) and quite a few union protected clerks and mail handlers are all in close competition here. And I mention the union-protected asswipes even though I happen to be a union official.
4. Never, ever eat anything on the shitter, more of an in-and-out deal when there’s actual business to attend to in that regard. I have, however, got a little while sitting there. Not killing two birds with one stone, however.
5. One of the handguns and a credit card or two. Nothing that combination wouldn’t take care of in a pinch.
Now, it’s off to be a concerned and competent postal worker. But my weekend starts at 7:30 in the morning. Hopefully I don’t have to act like I give a shit about too much for the next 8 hours.
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1. Do You Realise -The Flaming Lips
2. Avatar.
3. No idea.
4. In my youth I frequently made and smoked joints with my headphones on.
5. The usb with all my documents on it.
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Ed Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Do You Realise – Great choice Ian!
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#1 Wonderful World The great “Satchmo”.
#2 Anything with Jim Carey.
#3 United Steel Workers.
#4 Took a shit not much else.
#5 You can’t get it all so I guess whatever is on the way out the door.
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1. “Free”…Zak Brown Band
2. Never a 007 fan, so gotta go with any Bond flick
3. Most of the drunks I hang around with.
4. Quick shitter here. But if I’m in it for the long run, I keep a basket of assorted magazines by the terlet.
5. Probably the case where I keep all my jewelry I make…to much time invested to let it burn. Keys. Since we have two bikes in the garage and I don’t ride myself, we would have to make a quick decision. Probably the chromed out Night Train. Its paid for. Everything in the house is old/vintage/antique. So I’d be fucked.
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Hey…anybody…yesterday the last post was from a new comer, Jenny Piccalo. She asked for help getting up to speed on Nancy, the “see thruohgs” and I’m sure that’s just a start. Anybody want to help her out. I’m too lazy…uh, I meant busy…to do it today. Thanks.
Hi Jenny….do you know Tubby the Tuba?
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I afraid to ask about Tubby .
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
So afraid I forgot the ‘m !
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Jenny could do what I did, take a few weeks to go back and read ALL the archives. It’s well worth the effort.
I still like how the secrets were exposed.
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Ed Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
I second that, Ice – the archives are a treasure-trove of comic goodness. Even the very first N & N story is classic, and the other stuff is great too.
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
o.k. Guys I was being LAZY . I do plan to go back and read from the start , just don’t have the time at the moment and thought perhaps one of you nice gentlemen or ladies would have a bit of mercy on me and bring me up to speed just on the translucents . Are they ghost ? Did drink too much of that invisible Kool Aid ? Could this couple not conceive and only “pretend ” to have children? Am I being too literal , perhaps the parents are just self absorbed and thus the children are “invisible ” …oh but wait they are translucent , some kind of FAKERS , you can see right through them ….UGH
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This by no means encompasses all the stories. I don’t think Jeff ever finished it. But it’s a good start. Best to do like ice said and read through all the archives.
http://thewvsr.com/nnn02.htm
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Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Thanks for the link , I read it ! I do plan to read all the archives as well .
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WB in OH Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
Take your time, I’ve been here a year and a half and still haven’t made it through!
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funeral song: The Microorganism by Boiled In Lead
Worst Movie: Something About Mary, & Pretty Woman
Laziest Person: The Couch Slouch
Multitasking toilet: while clipping fingernails
Grab in a House Fire: Keys, laptop, 6 pack of beer
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1. Bury Me Deep by Poi Dog Pondering
2. Dumb and Dumber
3. Worked with guy at a hardware store in high school who refused to lift any thing for two weeks after he “threw out” is arm playing darts. (just one example of how he became the Laziest man ever).
4. Drinking Beer / Packing a chew/ on the phone and reading Newsweek (simultaneously)
5. laptop and guns
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I don’t see how Jeff does his yurt excursions. Both of my palms would be rubbed raw, and my dick shaft would be chaffed to bleeding…all purple and bruised too. I would end up not getting anything done that I set out to do. I would inevitably end up harassing other people or creatures in the area until I was kicked out.
And he brings such little food. I would have to set some snare traps or eat some tree bark or rummage through garbage if that’s all I brought with me
I can only write in short bursts of about 5 or 6 pages at a time, and I have no tolerance for conducting more than one revision. His two or three day writing marathons seem to me like watching a 10,000 lap NASCAR race, when my writing is more like top-fuel (alcohol fuel) drag race. Perhaps that is why he is way more successful than me in this.
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1. No music. Get it over with and crack a beer for me.
2. Gone with the wind.
3. A guy I used to work with named Ram. Later at a different company I was approached with a resume and asked to check up on this guy as he worked at the previous company. The results of the survey were “Ram called him lazy” . He didn’t get hired.
4. Often use the phone. The challenge is to flush without the other party knowing what you were really doing.
5. My favorite Harley. Burning the rest of the stuff would probably serve to simplify my life. I had a hard drive failure on my laptop recently and realized how unimportant the collection of files really was. Except for the good porn.
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Shiny Rod Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Jack, we’re kindred spirits.
“There was a land of Cavaliers and Cotton Fields called the Old South… Here in this pretty world Gallantry took its last bow… Here was the last ever to be seen of Knights and their Ladies Fair, of Master and of Slave… Look for it only in books, for it is no more than a dream remembered. A Civilization gone with the wind… “
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So..this is his third yurt retreat? Or is it his fourth? He’s carved his name on trees that say,, “Jeff Kay pissed here”, leaving something behind that at least will be read by someone. He said they were booked for Friday but the fact is, they can only take him for three days.They don’t care for a guy who walks around muttering to himself and whipping his hand through his hair. That stuff scares people. Yurt dwellers or not. His diet results in a definite chemical imbalance and nowhere on his list of “foods” did I see beer. This is a red flag indicating self denial and suffering to project the lonely life of a writer. Yurt 15 will become the most requested yurt much like room 237 at the Overlook Hotel.
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CADude Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Or Room 8 of the Joshua Tree Inn.
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I like to sit on the toilet backwards so I can rest my elbows on the tank. Sometimes I’ll have a sandwich or a slice of pie while I sit there.
If my house caught on fire I’d grab all of my cocaine. Then maybe my kids and whatnot.
I don’t want any music at my funeral. But I do want a bunch of hot chicks to show up in black and cry a lot so everyone will think, “Wow. This old man fucked a lot of hot babes. Dude got around.”
The laziest fuck on earth is my neighbor. His wife does the yard and she even starts his goddamn truck for him in the winter so it’ll be warm. The fat fuck doesn’t even walk to the mailbox. He drives one of those scooter things for the 30 or so feet from his door to his mailbox.
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What if the Yurt is a cover story? Allentown is near there…
http://www.mcall.com/news/local/mc-allentown-stalking-indecent-exposu20100914,0,6705501.story
I know the given name is different but that can be faked. Just sayin…
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I would like Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.
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TFM-You’re a flippin genius. Never thought to turn around and use the tank as a small table. I think I’ll get me a fancy doily or two, matching silver salt and pepper shakers and dress the old toilet up a bit!
Also I figured grabbing the coke went without saying!
[Reply]
T. Farty McAppleass Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
WB in OH,
The toilet tank makes a great table. When we have guest over I like to plug in a crockpot, put it on the toilet tank, and fill it with those tiny coctail sausages and BBQ sauce. Then I just put a box of toothpicks beside the ole pot and they know what to do from there. “Please don’t flush the toothpicks down the toilet” my nag of a wife is always yelling. I mean, Jesus, how can you enjoy a shit and some cocktail weenies when some bitch is standing at the door screaming at you?
I also like to put out a loaf of Velveeta and a knife so everyone can just carve off whatever they want. But a lot of my guest don’t get it. I have to tell the ignert bastards, “Carve off a piece of Velveeta and enjoy. Help yourself.” And they just stare at me with their stupid mouths hanging open. Motherfuckers. You try to put together a nice party and that’s how they respond.
Oh yes, you’re right about the coke. And also the whores. I didn’t mention the whores because that also goes without saying. Bisexual midget women are hard to come by – trust me.
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1. Can’t top “Yakkity Sax” -so I’m not even going to try. However, “So Long, Farewell” from ‘Sound of Music’ might be fun! Or maybe even the closing theme from “Beverly Hillbillies.”
2. Star Wars Episode I (Phantom Menace.) Whatta load of crap that turned out to be! Nothing on this planet could have lived up to that hype!
3. We have somebody that would walk past two copiers to ask you to make a copy of a 2 or 3 page document. Too much work to push the buttons, I reckon.
4. I have a hand-held Yahtzee game that I use to pass the time on the throne. Personally, I cannot understand how people can chat on the phone while in the bafroom…too many other sounds going on in there to have a serious conversation.
5. I would probably have to grab all of our pictures/home movies. Those things just can’t be replaced. I also have some genealogy stuff I would like to grab, along with our autographed book “You Win With People” by the late great Woody Hayes.
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The whores go without saying, bcause all your coke is lined up on their asses. You can’t really take the cocaine without the container.
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Icecycle? How would the stay in the yurt make your shaft any different?
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1. The End by the Doors. just to be dramatic, one last moment.
2.Twilight Eclipse. It was baddddd….
3.My father. useless
4. I am a girl, and don’t do anything weird. duh.
5. I know anything but, but I only want my kids. maybe some clean underwear, you know. something I will need in the next hour or so.
[Reply]
1. Renegade – Styx
2. The Hangover – It was funny, but it wasn’t THAT funny.
3. Probably the management here. Everything is always pushed around on everyone else like Jeff’s block of wood vaccum.
4. Can’t say I’ve done anything exciting while on the toilet, ‘cept maybe kill a bug or two. Bugs seem to like our 108 year old house.
5. Sounds silly, and I get made fun of a lot, but I have a green teddy that my parents gave me when I was about 6 for Christmas. My cell phone, purse, my old notebooks, and hopefully some clean underwear if they close enough.
[Reply]
CADude Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
The teddy still fits?
I’m pretty sure Icecycle is going to need pictures.
[Reply]
Brittney Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Pictures of Nancy? Yes, her name is Nancy. I named her when I was 6. LOL.
[Reply]
bikerchick Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Thank you for saying “The Hangover”! I totally agree but everytime I say it out loud people look at me like I’m wearing turd earrings.
[Reply]
icecycle66 Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Indeed.
[Reply]
Ya know what Brittney…a 6 year old in a teddy just seems weird to me. I’d bet it was actually a gift from your Uncle Chester.
[Reply]
Brittney Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Aha, nope. I liked stuffed animals.
[Reply]
That’s why she has to get the clean underwear. The green teddy is dirty and holds only sentimental value, she may not actually wear it in lieu of the clean britches she retrieved immediately prior to the comet hitting her house.
And what kind of cataclysm are you people experiencing that you will instantaneously evacuate your entire digestive tract into your trouser liners leading you to grab a pair of crotch covers on the way out the door.
[Reply]
Brittney Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
She IS dirty…I’ve put her in the washing machine but now the rubber is fading on her face and she’s turning grey. Ben hates it. He’s hidden her from me on many occasions hoping I’ll forget about her. I even found her in the medicine cabinet once.
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And we are officially off the rails!!! Woohoo, only took all damn day slackers!!
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Two reasons why clean underwear didn’t make my list…
1. My underwear were slated for replacement 2 months ago and a fire would do them good.
2. Clean underwear, where?
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Underwear are only clean until the tester at the factory tests them out, they are soiled forever more at that point.
And I do have underwear in my bugout bag, but that is because they would be one of the last things on my emergency list.
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The other day at work this guy leaned over to pick up a dollar and I could see the top of his PANTIES riding up the back. This man is easily 250 pounds and about 5’6″ tall. Another guy saw it and actually called him out on it. He said, and I quote, “I like wearing panties. They feel good on my balls. So what?”
I like to walk into Victoria’s Secret and pick up several pairs of lacy panties and then ask them where the dressing room is, just to get their reactions. Sometimes they just point me towards a dressing room like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
I read back of the Nancy and Nostrils stories and one of my all time favorites comes from a story where Nossy was stealing underwear. Jeff said:
“Toney told her mother about my missing “items” and she busted out laughing. She said that Mumbles had told her the previous evening that he couldn’t find three or four of his undershirts. I’m not making this up. He looked all around, and they’re gone. Sunshine & Mumbles are staying with Nancy & Banana Nostrils at the moment. Do I need to connect the dots on this freak show? Unbelievable. Nostrils probably has a secret jack-off parlor beneath his house, full of mannequins and crude papier mache dummies, modeling the giant collection of stolen ball-huggers he’s amassed over the years.”
I almost shit my pants laughing the first time I read that.
And I still think this is one of my favorite pictures:
http://thewvsr.com/thanksgiving1.htm
[Reply]
I liek the photo…support hose beaver shot, tangerine queen bar maid and a wanna be porn guy.
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Oh Jenny,
I’m not sure how long you’ve been around but Jeff has code names for everybody in his life short of his mom and dad (I’m not convinced Toney is her real name).
But the translucents/see-thru’s I forget the exact definition. I think it has something to do with the shitty organic food that nancy makes them eat that turns them into Powder. It also makes their shit so hard that their mother had to dig it out with a spoon.
They are creepy, maladjusted sociopaths, whom I’m sure you’ll be reading about in the papers one day.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Thanks t-storm and Juancho , I have read the link that WB posted above but it still did not quite explain the translucents , I should have guessed the ozone , the food . I have my own Nancy sort of except instead of being an extreme leftie she is an extreme rightie ( I lean heavily to the left, although not as far as NANCE ) anyway , my Nancy wont wipe her ass on the printed toilet paper, and chugs silver , I don’t think she is into saving the environment it’s more about preserving herself .
I googled something a few months ago and ended up here. No need to shoot ( I keep reading about all ya’lls guns) I am a pacifist. You guys are funny , I am hooked. Hope we can all have a group hug
[Reply]
Gretchen Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
I think Jeff calls Nancy’s children the “Translucents” primarily because the boys have never eaten meat, never engaged in reckless spontaneous fun, and never felt the sweet caress of pants (Nancy dresses them in skirts). In a way they are ghosts, mere slips of what they could have been were they born into a more, er, mentally stable environment.
I believe it’s the oldest one who is heading straight into Charles Manson territory, if Jeff is to be believed. You should try to find the terrifying story of Mr. Tophat on here. SHEESH! I get chills just thinking about it.
[Reply]
t-storm Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
I thought the translucents were allowed to have meat on special occasions, like when Nostrils gets his wings and lip smacks the marrow right out of a chicken’s armpit.
Or is it just Nostrils?
[Reply]
Gretchen Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 12:14 am
I think it’s just nostrils. Although I seem to fuzzily recall one of them got his hands on a real hot dog (instead of the tofu version) and went ape shit with delight.
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They aren’t allowed outside without covering every inch of skin due to the gaping hole in the ozone layer which is killing us all. Come on. Keep up people.
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I’m never going into Walmart again.
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Question 1: I’ll be cremated, but if there is any type of memorial service the song “Romance” by Daily Planet (the Spanish guitar band led by Ibon Errazkin, not any of the other 3,000 bands named Daily Planet) will be playing. The Wife knows all about this.
Question 2: The most overrated movie of all time is, without question “Network.” “Citizen Kane,” while a fine piece of work, comes a close second because over the last few decades it has been canonized beyond all reason.
Question 3: Back in the early/mid-70s when I was a pump jockey at a gas station, I worked with this guy named Blaine who was so fucking lazy that you had to get into a full fledged argument with him just to get him to do anything! He’ll always be the standard-bearer of laziness in my book.
Question 4: I once worked up a pencil rough for a print ad while I was sitting on the bemis.
Question 5: I’d probably grab family pictures, essential documents/paperwork and my Frank Kozik Ho Chi Min metallic-purple vinyl bust.
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Ho Chi Minh – sorry Uncle Ho, didn’t mean to leave off the “h”
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Jenny, T-storm again.
I’d love to know what you googled to end up here. I think that’s a good absentee question of the day.
If other people play along you’ll gain more insight and we will break down how we see you as a person. Don’t worry, we are all horrible judges of character who hate everything but we are complete contradictions at the same time. Except for TFM, fuck that guy.
I think there’s a fair amount of left and right here. I think it’s fairly centrist though.
So I’m going to guess you googled “the thick piss”.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
thanks for the reply I feel more at ease …I don’t really care much of politics …I found Jeff’s take on Nancy hilarious …but I have a lot of Hippie values although I love air conditioning , taking a bath and many other “creature comforts ” .
I think a few months back I was trying to find something on the “Heaven” store that used to be in our local mall. It was back in the 80s when I was a teenager and damn I just loved that store. I think I found only two references to it on google and one was here . Turns out I am from the same hometown as Jeff …I can’t place him exactly but I know his name. I think he may have went to school with a MY Nancy . I also remember a guy a year or so behind me in school with that same last name. Anyway that’s not important . I just started reading and found it a cool way to spend a bit of time. I saved the link . As of late I am here lurking a few times a week. Lurking kinda makes me feel dirty. So I joined in.
[Reply]
Jenny the Piccalo…if you’re going to go back and read the archives you’ll find some stuff I wrote as a beat reporter I’m not all that proud of. A couple rants come to mind that I still feel bad about. I would like to think they were brought about by my excessive use of alcohol and insomnia. You’ll be glad to know I finally have gotten my sleeping under control.
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I will keep that in mind. I understand the insomnia , I have always been a night owl. I played hooky today from work and I have been online entirely too long today. I promise I won’t post so much for awhile . I’m don’t want to wear out my welcome and try to DOMINATE you guys . I don’t drink anymore but I can understand how easily one could “rant” while on the drink. Jason freaked me out a bit a week or so ago but I am over that. I loved his “Victoria’s Secret” thing tonight , too cool.
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 1:29 am
oops sorry that was supposed to be a reply to dto…. I hate the “reply ” feature too . I am leaving now I swear !
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Dave's not here, man Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 9:55 am
Aww, it’s the bitchfests and rants that keep me coming back. The psycho-analyst in me would say it’s escapism from the real bitchfests and rants in my life, but really it’s just good entertainment. Like watching Cops, only without the bleeps for the obscenities. And when you see somebody you once knew getting arrested for pissing in a fountain.
That is all.
For now.
[Reply]
dto Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Yeah Dave’s…I know what you mean but there’s a couple I still feel bad about and quite frankly…embarrased. I do not however regret slugging my kindergarten teacher with a good solid right and breaking her glasses. I’ll sing when I’m goddamn good and ready to sing. Fuck her!
[Reply]
I looked up something about fast food reality vs ads. I have always been obsessed with that sort of thing.
I once offered a Subway employee $20 to make a sandwich look like the ad, they didn’t even try, the trouble of a well made sandwich isn’t worth $20.
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Shiny Rod Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
That’s because they aren’t in marketing and advertising. Those folks can make an uncooked chicken look delicious.
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I just gave up drinking, so no more scary rants from me. I got here via “The Mountain” and for a while I didn’t even know there was a WVSR. One day I clicked over and I’ve been coming back ever since.
There’s a list of search engine results that Jeff put together. I’ll give the link below. There seems to be a lot of obsession with asses that leads people here.
http://www.thewvsr.com/searchengines.htm
[Reply]
CADude Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
In response to t-storm’s “Absentee QOD”: I arrived here several years ago via a StumbleUpon.com link. Apparently my Stumbling trips through the interwebs led to an automated suggestion that I read an entry from this site o’ cookery. No, I don’t remember the first time. Well, the first time visiting this site, anyway.
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First…the whole “save the underware” campaign doesn’t work for me as the only time I wear it is to work with dress pants. Never with jeans or to bed. Can stand it riding up in places it shouldn’t be. All bunched up… There is no graceful way to pull skivvies out of the ol’ whoo-ha.
I landed here because I was researching Alli…which, to this day, is still one of THE most hilarious things I have ever read. Jenny Piccalo, you should read it. Here’s the link:
http://thewvsr.com/alli.htm
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My contribution for the day:
http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2010/08/semen-cannabis-drink.jpg
You can always go to engrish.com for some more!
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I found WVSR from the Gnome article which was forwarded to me via email.
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I think I’ll go heat up a Marla Cadaver’s Ptomaine Souffle and shut myself in the bathroom and dine al commode.
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cc Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
A bit of Crap Suzette for dessert?
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While I was sitting on the toilet backwards last night enjoying my Beef Wellington, my legs went to sleep. I decided there had to be a better way; but wouldn’t you know it, the damn thing was already patented. Rats!
http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=6983493
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It’s tough to wear out your welcome here. We’ve even had a few reporter fights a couple times. From what I remember they all resolved amicably.
Most of them occur when someone has too thin of a skin and reacts to something offensive one of us said.
I forget how I got here. I know it was sometime in early 2002, I was living in STL. I remember I found it, enjoyed it, but then couldn’t find it again for a minute because I was looking for http://www.wvsr.com.
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Yeah…I don’t know how I got here either but I’m sure it had something to do with binge drinking or a head injury.
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hey t-storm. Go f…
Ah, hell. I’ve mellowed.
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Don’t you just hate when you let the rage slip away.
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Go lower case f? That’s harsh.
Do you think Jeff has been eaten by a saskatchewan yet?
[Reply]
Alex Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Or a samquench…
[Reply]
Alex Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
We should have an edit rather than a reply… samSquench.
Damn it.
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t-storm… it’s a proven fact saskatchewans do not exist in the wild. They must have flat land, a constant 30mph wind and trees scare the shit out of them. I will continue to debunk the saskatchewans in the wild theories.
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I think I found the site from a link off of Scott Sloans WLW blog. Might of been a link to link for FF vs Reality.
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Oh, and when we get extremely bored we just pick on Canada.
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Ah Scott Sloan. Were you a McConnell fan?
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And fuck the Portuguese too.
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Most days I was a fan of Mike’s, somedays he’d get a little too full of himself. I wonder how his views will go over in Chicago? Anybody in the Chicagoland area listening to Mike McConnell on the radio?
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So I just talked to friend of mine back where i used to work. It seems as though the place is in shambles, literally and figuratively.
Why do i leave a wake of destruction wherever i go?
Must everything i touch die?
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I found this site when I googled “eating fudge while pooping”.
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icecycle, if everything you touch dies, maybe that explains the purple shaft?
WB,
I’ve downloaded the podcasts but haven’t listened yet. I agree with you, for the most part he was dead on, but some times he was way off base and refused to listen to reason.
[Reply]
t-stor, you’ve given me a lot to think about.
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WB in OH,
I’ve found that wearing high heels while doing the backwards toilet sitting technique elevates the thighs just enough so that your legs won’t go to sleep.
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Hi everybody, I found Jeff through Stumbleupon.. the article for The Shit attack at a Ryans had me laughing so hard.. I was hooked.. and then all the people in the comments are the best.. I’m especially enamored with jtb..
Jenny, i’ve been reading the archives since early 2008 and I still haven’t got through them all. I want the hilarity to last.. at this time..
[Reply]
johnthebasket Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 4:57 am
Lori…
As I recall, you come from my part of the woods, Aberdeen or Hoquiam (only about 60 miles from me). Actually, there are no more old growth woods around the “twin cities”, and the second-growth forests are 30 years away — thus the collapse of the forest products industry which only supported about 80% of the towns’ economies.
They are now just street after street of unpainted houses, about half of them vacant. So I wrote you a homecoming poem. I’ll both post it and “reply” it, not knowing where you’re likely to look.
.
Come back to Aberdeen to visit
Come back to Hoquiam to play
They’re ghoul towns now – the trees are gone
The empty shacks are in decay
Come back to Aberdeen to visit
Where Kurt Cobain was a kind of God
We’ll walk the ghastly-ghostly streets
And hang ourselves on a shower rod
.
jtb
[Reply]
clintcurtis Reply:
September 18th, 2010 at 12:26 am
jtb, you idiot! EVERYONE knows that the Twin Cities are Stanwood and Arlington!
[Reply]
Jenny Piccalo Reply:
September 20th, 2010 at 3:33 am
I doubt you will see this cause this is like days late but thanks for the stumbleupon mention. I went there and love it. I have been stumbling for hours!
[Reply]
Jenny…chugging silver will turn you into a Smurf.
[Reply]
Jason Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 12:21 am
Karason’s girlfriend, Jackie Northrup, said she was surprised at first, but is now used to it. “The only time now that I really think about it or notice it is if we’re out in public and people start staring,” she said.
That’s either one hellova guy or one hellova woman. He could lose the beard to cut down on the contrast. But then I guess he’d be showing off more blue. Crazy. I used to make colloidal silver at home but I ditched it because I found it ineffective. That’s also why I gave up hard drugs. Nothing is strong enough to quell the pain, the exquisite pain.
[Reply]
WB says “Oh, and when we get extremely bored we just pick on Canada.”
go yurt yourself
Jenny? addictive isn’t it? It’s like have a whole army of answerbots but with all the censoring algorithms removed. Some words of advice and notes?
- never give any personal info – this place is filled with stalkers that use info like Hanable Lector. Well really it’s just me that’s like that but know it anyways
- never limit yourself, reply reply reply… the more you say, the more likely you are to swear… and the guys here love ladies who swear
- never talk about Jeff’s salmon colored shirt
- never ever ever use that fucking reply feature. EVER… it must die….Icy66 please touch IT so it dies.
- use the reply feature whenever you want
- Limey does not drink warm beer
- bikerchick wears red FM pumps on request (and trust her on the Alli post recommendation)
- Jason freaked you out last week? Singular? ie just once?
- a very useful mantra? repeat after me…. I apologize for nothing
dto and t-storm…the correct spelling is sasnatchewan. And wild ones DO exist. It’s TAME ones that don’t exist. (thank god)
Every get a charley horse in the big muscle on your inside thigh? Holy nutshot Batman it hurts. Tonight’s wasn’t too bad and the first in years but I certainly woke up the house. Must drink more fluids!!! The worst one I ever had would NOT go away no matter how much I walked it off. I could feel the cramping muscle doing a reverse reach around to my ass to start pulling on some muscle back there. I used to be afraid I’d get a charley horse at the worst possible times
- driving
- during an MRI
- while flinging man goop
- on a roller coaster
- flinging man goop while on a roller coaster
- during a job interview
- during my act while working at a stagette
So far only one fear has been realized….
[Reply]
Actually hot fuzz…you could be right come to think. I spent some time (two months) in Regina…(for you Americian folks, it’s pronounced like vagina but with a R) where the training center for the RCMP is. They gayest bunch of men running around in red suits I’ve ever seen. So your take on wild ones is correct. But I said “in the wild”.
[Reply]
Jeff…take down the reply and add an edit feature for when we fuck up a word or two. “The gayest bunch…”
Crap!
[Reply]
You know, I rarely notice errors until people point them out. I had to look hard to see yours, dto.
Popcorn is a vegetable.
[Reply]
chill Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
So’s bacon.
[Reply]
Thanks T. Farty…I do tend to sweat the little stuff.
Chili is a meal.
[Reply]
Lori…
As I recall, you come from my part of the woods, Aberdeen or Hoquiam (only about 60 miles from me). Actually, there are no more old growth woods around the “twin cities”, and the second-growth forests are 30 years away — thus the collapse of the forest products industry which only supported about 80% of the towns’ economies.
They are now just street after street of unpainted houses, about half of them vacant. So I wrote you a homecoming poem. I’ll both post it and “reply” it, not knowing where you’re likely to look.
.
Come back to Aberdeen to visit
Come back to Hoquiam to play
They’re ghoul towns now – the trees are gone
The empty shacks are in decay
Come back to Aberdeen to visit
Where Kurt Cobain was a kind of God
We’ll walk the ghastly-ghostly streets
And hang ourselves on a shower rod
.
jtb
[Reply]
Lori in Cbus Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
jtb, I actually lived way out in North River about 30 miles southeast of Cosmopolis..waaay out in the woods.. graduated from North River High class of 87..all 5 of us.. good times..
we would ride our bikes all the way to aberdeen and back when I was in high school.. I have no idea how i did that except i was in great shape.. haha
i went back to Aberdeen in May of 08 when my brother and I spread my dads ashes at Ruby beach.. It really looked the same but different at the same time.. I did not get to go over the bridge to Cosmopolis or back to north river but I plan on making a trip back next year so I could go to all the places.. maybe we can meet and say hi..i’ll keep ya posted.. I noticed on Google Earth that all the acres of timber my stepdad owned are all completely bare except for the 10 acres or so around the house..so sad..it was very beautiful.. well, I’m still going to move back to Washington (probably northern, whidbey island or somewhere around there..someday The poem was so sad..i left for the military in 87 and only have been back twice.. thanks for the note back jtb..sorry i wrote a book..
[Reply]
god damn it. jeff’s been gone so long we’ve defagerated into poetry (oh noetry).
Here’s one for you, I think the nips came up with this style, it’s called Hi-Ku
jeff kay stuck in yurt
my balls sweat and wait, update
go fuck yourself, jerks
[Reply]
oh, and maybe i mentioned this but did every/anyone see tosh.0 do a bit on First. It was excellent.
By the way, let me be the first to call you all a bunch of dry rubbed cunts.
First!
[Reply]
dto, you’re right…”in the wild” is not nearly the same as “wild”. Silly fucking me.
Maybe I should have said “free range”
t-storm…you said that with love, didn’t you…aw, you’re a helluva guy too buddy.
five in the morning
think t-storm is pushing it?
you should see him drunk
E & O E
[Reply]
Stormy…
I think the word Nips is culturally insensitive. It pisses off the Japs.
Storm and Jeff both appear to be accomplished haikuists. And despite Stormy’s characterization, I have no doubt about which way their peters teeter.
jtb
OB12
[Reply]
Hot…
Thanks for the coded message. I think using the Navajo Code-Talkers is working out very well between our countries.
jtb
OB12
[Reply]
E&OE is an initialism standing for errors and omissions excepted.[1] The phrase is used in an attempt to reduce legal liability for incorrect or incomplete information supplied…I didn’t want to get screwed by the sasnatchewan information I provided lest someone invest in sasnatchewan futures and the bottom falls out of the market… People I am not an expert on sasnatchewans…I only portray one on line…
just covering my ass
full time job is that…
lots of real estate to cover there…
may have to hire a firm to cover an ass that big….
BEHOLD MY ASS – REVEL IN ITS GRANDEUR – IT IS MAGNIFICENCE EMBODIED IN GLORY. ALL HAIL MY ASS!!!
[Reply]
crap – forgot to mention the wikipedia cut and paste… crap and I didn’t e&oe it… when really I should have meta-e&oe’d it….
oh well… I apologize for nothing
[Reply]
Actually…Al Commode was a nortorious contract plummer from Nutley, New Jersey. He specialized in inside jobs, usually using just a plunger to “fix” a “situation”.
[Reply]
I hear there is a terrorist cell that uses math equations to strike terror with schools as the target. They are known as
AL-ge-BRE-a
[Reply]
mmmm…chili!
[Reply]
Yes hot fuzz….there is also a splinter group called al-Commoda that blows up the school bathrooms with M-80s and Cherry Bombs. That group has been around for years as well.
[Reply]
There’s no truth to the rumor that Sarah Palin has connections to the northern cell called AL-a-LAS-ka….
[Reply]
I think the leader of the snaskatchewan sleeper cell is named Shhot Mawadd.
[Reply]
Dammit, where’s the edit button? Screwed up my punch line!
[Reply]
Dave’s …still enjoyed it
Here – while we’re on the topic – how does Robert NOT break up?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XMr3QO2Sbc
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HA, found this one right beside it….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfR49AuUsW0&feature=related
I’ve often wondered what people thought when subtitled while speaking the same language as the subtitles. Now I know!.
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I think we were a bit harsh on Bennigan’s Nazi….
Okay, perhaps not.
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See you fools Monday, fucking weather is perfect outside for a little day drinking…whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean!
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what did we do to b-nazi?
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The Mockable blast.
All the commenting about the comments made me think if him for some reason.
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I just went through some old posts and I don’t see how we were mean to him. No meaner than anything else.
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pussy.
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Sometimes this blog can be quite arduous.
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The blasting was on Mockable, I think by Metten.
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Sorry I missed it. I love a good blasting.
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I miss Tempo Relentless, the Great Googly Moogly, and even Wordnerd a tiny bit. I hate to pull rank on y’all, but I done been reporting surf for 10 years.
I mainly come back because I think of JK and crew as reasonable Americans, and Jeff is always a good writer, and sometimes he’s a really good writer.
Now get out there and get us the story!
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There’s rank now? Are we better people the longer we’ve been on? That wasn’t on the “about” page. Damn.
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I miss Mockable…
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Lori in Cbus Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
ditto chuck…
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A refresher of ousted commenters? http://mockable.org/mockers-for-hire-the-bennigans-nazi-edition/er course in
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Me too Chuck. I know you wrote over there and did your part and I think I did six or seven and it was a great outlet to write stuff and have Jeff and Metten “publish” it for the entire www to see. Too bad not enough others submitted stuff to help keep it going. Maybe it will happen again later. It was a great idea and offering.
Other things I miss around here?…reporters and all?…hard to say. I guess that’s just the way of the ebb and flow of the Surf.
That was a sappy piece of crap…don’t you thinK?
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What I miss is Buck doing a guest host gig here every once in a while.
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Clint…
Hey man, we aren’t either of us killionairs any more, so perhaps it’s OK to downsize our official twin cities to Ab & Hoq. Stanwood, which I believe is named after Stan Boreson, is way too upscale for me. But where one stands on twin cities depends very much on where one sits. I for one, have issued a strong buy on Stan Boreson.
jtb
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Wow, that IS way out in the woods.
I find that I am constitutionally incapable of looking at any part of my state from Google Earth or any other tool. The barren hills make me too sad. I miss the trees.
I thought I was familiar with every settlement in Western Washington. Clearly, I’m not. You are probably closer to a shopping center in Cbus. Not that that is a good thing….
jtb
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Hot…
Don’t get lulled into a slow spiral dance. Or a lap dance.
In any case, how can you have posted this many comments without referencing Ian Tyson? He came close to changing the world 45 years ago. He knew how to write and Sylvia knew how to sing, but he wouldn’t listen to her. The French Girl still sets me to howling, as long as Ian isn’t singing. He could have been John Prine, but he chose to be Tex Ritter instead.
Song for Canada is genius as is Someday Soon.
Say hey to him for me at the next Canada meeting.
Thanks…
jtb
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…and by the way, Ruby Beach is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I might join your dad there one day…
jtb
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Hey, Hot…
I just checked and Ian Tyson’s birthday is a week from today. He’ll be 77, still going strong. We should meet at a Tim Horton’s for a doughnut and some javascript.
jtb
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John, you guessed it… today I live in columbus ohio.. Living the single life in suburbia near a major shopping center hahaha.
North river still has the tiny school and a parttime tavern..I graduated with 4 other kids in my class and we never had a class above us.. 1986 had no seniors haha. Well, imy brother and I both plan to join our dad and my uncle at ruby beach. Hopefully far in the future.. By the way does Hoquiam still smell like vanilla?
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“Mountain Dew”
Get it?! HA.
“Mount and do”
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JTB… I’ve seen the size of the trees North of San Fran and the ones south around Big Sur… There’s a palpable presence when you’re in amongst the Ents. The size and age seem to add some dimension that you don’t really need to be a tree hugger to feel (even a little).
I don’t know why we haven’t engineered fast growing square truncked trees that grow without knots and 16′ per year…I feel like the Indian (casino not dot) crying on the side of the road while we have our way with mother earth. But I’m not preaching as I’m as guilty as any consumer for chewing up trees – yeah I’m part of the gang bang we force on nature.
There is some marsh land just outside of a neighborhood in which I used to live. They’ve clear cut a football field or two so they can build town and single family homes. The selling feature? “Be right next to nature”. I drove by the other day and the forest I’ve seen every week for the last 13 years has been leveled.
Oh and thanks JTB…. all freakin day I’ve had “someday soon, goin’ with him, somedaaayyy soon” going through my head like a earwig feasting on the grey matter buffet.
How’s the back recovery coming? Did you enter that touch your toes marathon yet?
I-66… I’m thinking you were away from home and the thought occured to you and you just couldn’t wait to get back to your laptop to share… I’ve gone though the whole mental list of soda/pop (I’m bilingual) and I think you got the only gem. Bravo.
I had that same can’t wait feeling I suspect you had when I randomly pronounced one of my staff’s name as “AL-Yson” in an Arabic sort of way. And then dto opened the door the other day above so I could post and laugh to myself like a fat kid who found the nickle he needed so he could buy the king sized chocolate bar rather than the regular sized one because he was 3 cent’s short…
It’s raining and foggy. But I made bacon this morning so all is well with the world.
he he “made bacon”
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If we go by record weasel standards of course rank counts. It’s all about, I like Jeff’s new stuff, but the first site was better.
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Lori…
I wasn’t just being poetic. I don’t think there’s a hint of an active forest products industry left down there. Like all towns on salt water, Hoquiam smells different at low tide than at high, but mostly is smells like silence.
But I like your characterization of how it used to smell. I think “vanilla” is a little extra kind, but why shouldn’t we be generous?
Are you “just out of the service”?
jtb
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Jtb, there use to be a vanilla factory somewhere in hoq and it would smell really good.. Fish and ‘nilla yum hahahahaha.
I’ve been out of the air force since 92..I went in when I was 17. April 1st..I swear it was an aprils fools joke lol
Oh I know its just fricking sad for those towns..I bet there are people who have long commutes to olympia or whatever.
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Hot, et al…
Wasn’t that a time?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ7rrszpJlI
jtb
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Ok, last one. Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzF_MoXOU1E
jtb
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Addendum…
That’s Jerry Garcia on guitar, Grace Slick on recorder, Paul Kantner and Jack Casady on backup guitars, and Marty Balin on vocals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NdvMT32skw
jtb
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