I don’t have much time here, due to sackism, but would like to ask for your funny/scary/crazy-ass movie theater stories. Anything remarkable that you’ve witnessed or perpetrated while watching a movie in public, or even a film if you’re fancy. I’ll start the ball rolling with a few quickies of my own, and turn it over to you guys. Let’s do it!
- At a midnight movie (Taxi Driver) our friend Vincent fell asleep. The theater was nearly empty, and we were sitting in the dead center of the room. One of us, Bill or myself, got the idea to gingerly place a large empty popcorn bucket (from the floor) on top of his head, like a crown. We accomplished this without waking him, and then left him sitting there by himself. After he woke up and cleared his head of the high confusion, he stormed out of the screening room in a fury, which was the cherry on top of the whole deal. It still makes me laugh.
- At another midnight movie (a 3 Stooges film festival) Bill brought along a wide assortment of “throwables” which he’d hand-selected at a grocery store where we both worked. There were several random items, but I can only remember two: raw hot dogs and a large bag of chocolate chips. We sat near the back of the room, and flung this stuff into the crowd, and laughed and laughed and laughed. I remember a high-arcing wiener flying end-over-end, causing a shadow on the screen. And the sound of a handful of chocolate chips raining down on a baffled group of Stooges nerds is a beautiful sound indeed.
- The first time we saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the place descended into chaos. Throwables were allowed, even encouraged, but things got out of hand. Nobody was keeping with the accepted spirit of the event, they were just using it as a loophole to throw shit and cause mayhem. I got hit at least twice by a handful of rice, straight to the face, which felt like a shotgun blast. Some guy from FM 105, the rock station, was pummeled by trash, and had to make a run for it. And they took some girl out of there on a stretcher, after she was hit in the face by a D Cell battery. None of this was happening in conjunction with what was going on in the movie, mind you. It was just pure anarchy. And, of course, it was never allowed again. I found rice in the nooks and crannies of my jacket, for weeks. And when I took a shower the next morning, there was a load of rice on the drain at my feet. It was probably embedded in my crack, but I’m not sure.
- At yet another midnight movie (Richard Pryor Wanted: Live In Concert) a girl — who I had no interest in — sat beside me and held my hand and snuggled up, etc. I was so uncomfortable, and mortified, I just sat there like I was made of ceramic. I didn’t even allow myself to laugh, for fear it would be construed as encouragement. It was one of the longest nights ever; I was soaked in sweat by the end. And a couple of weeks later she did the same thing to Bill, at a drive-in movie. He was a little more direct with her, and said, “Get off me, you old bag.” Or something similar.
- Steve and I crossed an honest-to-God picket line to see The Life of Brian. Some Christians thought it mocked their religion, and were trying to dissuade people from supporting it. There were people from our school out there, along with their parents. It was great! And so was the movie.
- At a horror film (can’t remember the title) the woman who played the blind older sister on Little House on the Prairie was being chased through a house by an escaped lunatic, or somesuch. She was running down hallways, jumping over furniture, etc. And I said something like, “Wow, she does pretty good for a blind girl.” And just as I said it all the noise in the movie stopped, and everybody heard me. The place erupted in laughter. It was a great moment for your corpulent correspondent.
I could probably come up with a few more, but I’m all out of time here. Please use the comments section to share your stories. And I’ll be back on Monday, with tales of a short, but hopefully memorable, road trip.
Have a great weekend, my friends!