- Immediately before your appointment take a few moments to eat a sleeve of Oreo cookies. Be sure not to wipe your mouth or lick your teeth before the interview begins.
- Throughout the interview suddenly shout, “Say again?!” at random times. This is especially effective when nobody is talking.
- Whenever possible reach across the table and gently stroke the interviewer’s hand while he or she is speaking.
- Wear a fanny pack full of boiled eggs, and eat a few during the conversation. Be sure to offer the hiring managers each an egg, and don’t be afraid to be persistent. If you don’t like boiled eggs, corn on the cob can be substituted.
- Answer each question in a different fake accent.
- Early in the process, demand to know if Amazon, Overstock and Zappos are blocked on company computers.
- After the interviewer invites you to have a seat, whip your head toward him and say, “Don’t tell me what to do. I hate when people tell me what to do.”
- Arrive wearing a conservative business suit, and a full Indian headdress. Offer no explanations.
- Whenever the interviewer is speaking, quietly but persistently smack your lips.
- If you’re a smoker don’t be shy about lighting one up during the interview. It will make you seem more human, and genuine. This can also be achieved by using a lot of profanity.
- Ask about the company’s policy on employees shouting racial slurs in the workplace. Appear disappointed and worried about her response.
- Somehow insert a complaint about your overbearing mother into each of your answers.
- Two or three times during the interview, after you’ve been asked a question, sniff and say, “Is that the best you got?”
- When you’re asked why you want to leave your current position, sigh and say, “Do you know how exhausting it is to work for idiots?”
- At the end of the interview you’ll be asked if you have any questions. Don’t take the bait! Instead, seize the opportunity and deliver a concise (no more than ten minutes) monologue about the Arab/Israeli conflict, abortion, or some other political topic you feel passionately about.
So, there you have it. Please use the comments section below to offer your own tips on how to stand out from the crowd during a job interview. Good luck, and happy job hunting!
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