--Last night at work I sat with some kid during our “lunch”
break (9 pm), and found out some interesting
things about him.He’s
twenty, and will be working in my department until his college classes
crank back up in late August.And
apparently he was once a notorious computer hacker.
He told me he got into it in eighth grade, and eventually earned a
name for himself in the shady hacker underground.He says there’s a tight-knit group of these people, who
communicate via chat rooms not visible to anyone but the participants
themselves.
And, he added, some of them are “scary and crazy,” with giant
chips on their shoulders and various axes to grind.Accidentally offend one of them, he said, and your life can
become a hell on earth.No
matter how smart you happen to be, there are people there who are
smarter, he told me.And
they can inflict significant pain.
In the early days he hacked his school’s website, and wrote
derogatory comments about the teachers.He screwed the thing up so thoroughly, it had to be scrapped
and redesigned from the ground up.He also got into the main database, and monkeyed around with
peoples’ grades.
But he was inexperienced, and got caught.
He was suspended for a while, and banned from using any school
computers for the remainder of his ninth grade year.He still had to attend a computer class, but was forced to sit
in a chair, far away from the machines.At the end of the course he was given a zero.
In tenth grade the ban was lifted, and somebody got into the database
again.He says it wasn’t
him, but he was blamed.Because
of his reputation.
Later he got into some stuff he wouldn’t tell me about, things
he’s “not proud of.”Apparently
he’d become so skilled he could bypass firewalls and encryption with
ease, but wouldn’t go into the details of how he used his evil
powers.He would, however,
talk about the fun side of it:screwing
with people.
Occasionally he’d go into a chat room, using some fake name, and
claim he had nude photos of fourteen year old girls.Instantly he’d receive thirty or forty messages, asking him
to share.So he’d send
them an email with a virus attached, and gain access to the
recipient’s computer.
Then he’d turn their screens upside-down, repeatedly make their
CD-Rom drawer pop open, switch the right-click, left-click keys on
their mouse, hijack instant message conversations and make it seem
like the guy had just called his girlfriend a “fat hog,” etc. etc.
Sometimes, he said, the person had a webcam, and he could actually
watch their reactions to all this.One guy was getting really pissed, because his screen was going
round and round, so my co-worker snapped a picture of him with the
built-in cam, and set the angry snapshot as the background photo on
the dude’s desktop.
He said the guy was so confused and infuriated, he looked like he was
about to start crying.
Man, if they’d had computers (hell, electricity)
when I was a young hooligan, I can imagine me and my friends getting
into that sort of thing.In
fact, even now, at the age of 45, I get a tiny thrill just listening
to the guy’s stories.
Yeah, that shit would be right up my alley.If I’d been born twenty-five years later.
--And speaking of break
room conversations, Toney told me about a good one she overheard as
well.
One of her co-workers, a man with Important Responsibilities, was
talking about his upcoming knee surgery.
He was just chit-tatting, speaking in a conversational tone, and told
everyone he was afraid he might have alcohol-withdrawals if he was
required to stay in the hospital overnight.
“I’ve been drinking between ten and sixteen beers every night, for
the past twenty-five years,” he said without shame, “And I’m
afraid what might happen if I skip a day.”
She said he dropped this bomb just as casually as if he’d been
talking about having carpet replaced.Then he went on to say he’d spoken with his doctor about the
possibility of allowing his wife to bring him a twelve-pack, if he was
stuck in the hospital.And
the doc wouldn’t go for it.
Toney said the guy wasn’t joking, he was as serious as a prolapsed
rectum.And nobody really
knew what to say, so they just changed the subject.
--Steve and I are going
to Cooperstown tomorrow, to stare at baseball
uniforms under glass.We
might also tour the nearby Ommegang
brewery, time permitting.So, no Friday update, I’m afraid.However, Nancyand their circus of kookery will
be rolling into town on Saturday.So, we’ll probably get an “extra” out of it.Pass the beer nuts.
--Here’s where you can
order your very own Spongebob Squarepants rectal thermometer.Remember, Father’s Day is right around the corner!
Heh, around the corner.
--And my new iPod docking
station apparently passed through a town called Good Hodgkins, IL
today.Is that right, Good
Hodgkins?Anyway, it’s
supposed to be here Monday, and I will officially start a new phase of
my listening career.Will
somebody please hold me?
Which reminds me… Surf Reporter Tempo Relentless has twice (possibly
three times) insinuated in the comments section that I’ve been (as
Hillary calls it) “misspeaking” about owning a copy of his
favorite album:The
Dictators Go Girl Crazy!Outrageous!And to
put this controversy to bed, please click here.
--Remember that Bill
O’Reilly Goes Nuts Beneath Curious Hair video I linked to a few days
ago?Well, somebody’s
remixed it.Check it
out.
And since we’re on the subject, here’s Earl Weaver appearing on
Manager’s Corner, and Casey Kasem doing a long-distance dedication
to a dead dog.
I don’t really have a question for you folks, so if you’ve got any
stories to tell about computer hacking, people who don’t know when
they should be embarrassed, break room conversations, or any of the
other crapola we covered today… please use the comments link below.
And I’m going to go out front and see if the grass is dry enough to
mow.Please God, let it be
soaked…
