--I work with a woman who apparently believes everybody knows who
she knows.Are you familiar
with this office type?She
tells a lot of stories featuring "Keith" and
"Nicole" and "Jimmy," and I have no idea who these
people are.Her kids?Her husband?You got me.
A few days ago she mentioned Keith, and I said, "Now who is he
again?"And she said,
"My
Keith."
What does this mean??
--On Friday evening I was
enlisted to make a salad to go with dinner, and I used it as an
opportunity to drink beer.Yes,
you read that correctly…I
hollered upstairs to Toney, "Hey, if I'm gonna be chopping, I'm
having a Sam Adams.Want
one?"
See how I do that?Any
deviation from the norm is an excuse for beer.And, now that I think about it, so is the norm itself.So I went down to the basement fridge, and brought us up two
bottles of Summer Ale.And I
commenced to making one of my world famous garden salads.
It's all in the lettuce, you see.I'm
very particular, and throw away as much as I use.Any of the really stiff, white parts go straight into the
garbage.And I tear it by hand,
into small pieces.You can't go
chopping lettuce with a knife; it just doesn't taste the same, for
some reason.
And I hate it when I get a salad in a restaurant, with pieces of
lettuces so large you have to fold
them into your mouth.Know what I
mean?No, it has to be torn
into small, manageable pieces.
After the lettuce comes out of the centrifuge I add cucumber, tomato,
and sweet onion (all cut in a very specific manner).Then I grate some cheddar (never the kind in a sack), and set
out the dressings we like.Which
happen to be four different kinds, for four different people...Go figure.
And man, it's always extra-good: simple, yet fresh and tasty. I don't
do much in the kitchen, but I'm very retentive when it comes to the
salads.Oh, there’s a
considerable amount of retention.
So anyway, while I was working (and sipping), Toney came downstairs
and was doing something in the living room.And the next thing I know she's yelling, "Oh dammit
dammit dammit…!!"
What
the?I ran in there, and
she’d knocked over her beer and soaked a bunch of papers lying on an
end table.It was cleaned up in
short order, but the papers…a
couple were things the younger Secret was supposed to turn into his
teacher on Monday.Including a
consent form for an upcoming field trip.
Simply excellent.I was
envisioning this scenario:
“Here’s my form, Mrs. Tayback.”
“Oh, thank you. …Why does it smell like the old Tip Top Club in Syracuse?”
“What?”
“This sheet of paper, it smells like my first husband…”
“Oh, my Mom spilled beer on it.”
“Your Mom?”
“Yeah, and then she started swearing, like ten times in a row.And my Dad came running into the room with a knife in his hand,
and he was yelling stuff too.Mrs.
Tayback, who’s Jesus J. McChrist?”
But we dried off the papers, let them air-out individually, and they
were good to go by Monday morning.At
least I think they were.I hope
the funk wasn’t activated by humidity or heat or something, and a
rumor is now going around that Mrs. Tayback is carrying on an affair
with a tree removal man…
--And speaking of that, we
went with the respectable, slightly more expensive guy to take care of
the dead tree in our front yard.He’s
fully insured, up to $2 million, licensed, and the whole deal.
In fact, the tree is already gone.He
and his partner woke me up early this morning, out front chainsawin’
and shit.This, needless to
say, caused Andy to go wild, and a foetus position could not be
maintained.
But they did a great job.They
disappeared that big ol’ tree, cleaned everything up, and was on to
the next job before I’d had my second cup of Eight O’Clock bean coffee.
They told me the tree was “full of bats.”Seems kind of strange, but whatever.
--Surf Report Rule of Thumb:Every national election is the most important of our lifetime.
--Tim sends along this pic of
a barstool, apparently designed for guys who are in it for the long haul.
--And check this out.The old grocery store where I used to work has made the news!And it's such a heartwarming… typical tale.
Buck sent me that link, at 2:50 this morning(?!).Just so you know.
--According to UPS tracking,
my fancy new iPod docking station was in Billings,
Montanayesterday afternoon, and passed
through Minneapolistoday.They say it’ll be delivered on Monday, which feels like a
long time from now.
But I have a question:What’s
the easiest way to maintain two iPods with the same iTunes account?
I have a little nano that I take to work, my Wilco & Phil Hendrie
delivery device, but I’m planning to use the new 80 gig model here
in the bunker.Over time I want
to load a big hunk of my music collection on there, and use the thing
as the world’s largest jukebox.
But every time I plug in the nano, iTunes syncs with it and whatever
changes have been made are also made on the iPod itself.I can’t have that, if I’m using two devices.I’d like to be able to have separate libraries, one for the 2
gig, and another for the 80 gig.And
I want to be able to control when the syncing takes place.
Is this an easy thing to accomplish?I
haven’t looked into it yet, but have a feeling it’ll lead to a
hand repeatedly whipping
through hair.
--When I was lying in bed last
night I came up with something perfect to write about today.I thought about getting up and scribbling it in my notebook,
just to be safe, but convinced myself I wouldn’t forget.And now I can’t remember a damn thing about it.Driving me nuts…When
will I finally learn that my mind is not an ally?Or is it not allowing me to learn…?Devious!
--And finally, here’s
another Smoking Fish sighting, this time in Central America.Thanks for that!Keep
your eyes open, folks. ‘Cause our logo, man, he gets around.
