--On Saturday we came home and there was a sheet of paper taped
to our front door.It was from
one of those outfits that douse your lawn in a cocktail of chemicals,
to keep it forest-green and free of weeds, for an irresponsible amount
of money every month.
Supposedly they’d taken the liberty of performing a “jr.
analysis” of our lawn, and told us we have a problem with
dandelions.Jr. analysis?That seemed like odd phrasing. But then I realized they must do
the same thing for a fee, and have to differentiate between the two
somehow.You know, so the
suckers won’t feel bad.
Anyway, I looked at our lawn and didn’t see a single dandelion.What were they talking about?Is
this thing pre-printed for every house in the neighborhood?I didn’t know, and didn’t really care.I wadded up the sheet and threw it in the trash.
And guess what I found the next morning?That’s right, our front lawn was simply lousy
with dandelions.It looked like
some zitty teenager’s face, or the ass of a fat kid I had gym with
in eighth grade.What the hell,
man?!
I think they seeded it.I
believe they came by here, tossed handfuls of dandelion seeds on our
lawn, then offered a solution.Is
that paranoid?
Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if their fancy-ass trucks come
equipped with some sort of seed-launching apparatus.So all they have to do is drive up and down the streets, slow
down in front of houses that don’t subscribe to their service, and
blast a load of weed-seed from the comfort of their air conditioned
cab.
This is a scandal!
--I just had lunch with a fork
that I probably used to eat macaroni and cheese with when I was three
years old.My parents gave me a
bunch of stuff when I moved to North Carolina, back when dinosaurs roamed the
earf, including some old silverware.And
somehow it’s remained with me through all my moves, and
has been in constant use my entire life.
I’d bet ten or nine dollars my fork today was “purchased” with
S&H Green Stamps (or was it Top Value Stamps?) from a store near
the Indian mound in South Charleston, WV, back during the Johnson
administration.
I can just see my Mom in there with a shuddering beehive atop her
head, carrying her stack of sticker books, and trying to decide on the
silverware set or the giant living room clock that looks like an
explosion in process.
I just thought you should know.
--Remember how I was bitching
about having to work an entire weekend last month?Well, my employer gave us all $50 Applebee’s gift cards
(plus, the hourly folks got their overtime pay), to reportedly show
their appreciation.
Of course everyone’s a cynic, and there was a lot of snide
commentary about this.But I
thought it was a nice gesture.They
didn’t have to do anything for us.Hell,
at my previous job we wouldn’t have received even a thank you; we
would’ve been ordered to work for no extra pay, and quit yer bitchin’.
Sometimes all the knee-jerk bellyaching and whining grates on my
nerves.It’s all so
predictable, and lazy.…And
I’m bellyaching and whining about bellyaching and whining, aren’t
I?Sorry about that.
--Speaking of work, I saw a
guy there last night eating a Mallo Cup.Where’d he get it??I
don’t believe I’d seen one of those in twenty years.I think I did an actual double-take.
Wonder if he found out they were going to stop making them, back in
the 1970s or whatever, and started hoarding the things?Perhaps they’re his favorites, and he has a basement filled,
simply filled, with cases and cases of Mallo Cups?
If so, do you think the little paper coins can still be sent in for
redemption?I’d like to know.
-- And I've learned the Suggestaholic wrote some
stuff at work last night.
--Over the weekend I
watched Juno
and Cloverfield.The former received a five star rating from me at the Netflix
site, and the latter got two.And
the only reason Cloverfield
didn’t receive one
star, is because I thought those biting crab monsters were kinda cool.
--I’ll leave you now with a
Question of the Day, we might’ve already covered.Who the hell knows at this point?But I was wondering if anyone still subscribes to magazines?
I get Entertainment
Weekly (aka Shitter’s
Companion), Rolling
Stone (I purchased a four-year
subscription through eBay, for something like seven dollars), and Paste
(a really good music mag).But,
you know, I’m kinda old school.
What about you?Do you still
have magazines delivered to your door?If so, tell us which ones.Use
the comments link below.
And I’ll have more of this kind of thing tomorrow.
